Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Pre sleepover date nerves

(15 Posts)
CandleWithHair Fri 06-Oct-17 21:45:18

I'm going to his house tomorrow evening, he's cooking me dinner (he's bought special cheeses, swoon) and as he lives about an hours drive away and public transport is terrible the plan is to drive and stay over. He's been very gentlemanly and said he'll make up the bed in his DDs room for me (she won't be there) but obviously the subtext of this date is that there will most likely be sex involved!

It's our 4th date, spread out over about a month with a lot of chatting in between. More relevant is that this is the furthest I've got in terms of dating since splitting with my ExH two years ago. I had a couple of (fairly awful) ONS last year, but haven't come close to sleeping with someone I actually like yet and I am bloody terrified!

I can't remember what I like (doesn't help that sex life with ex was fairly dire towards the end too), and am worried I've forgotten how to do it!

Also despite being pretty confident generally right now I am plagued with insecurity about my body and what he'll be thinking. I have some skin issues (my back) which I'm really self conscious about, and then there's the usual tummy/bum anxiety!

I have no idea what to wear either and I'm basically just a big gibberish mess of nerves this evening!

Someone pleeeease talk me down! grin

SnowiestMountain Fri 06-Oct-17 21:48:06

How exciting! He sounds really nice OP, don’t worry about any of those things, he won’t notice!

Enjoy and do let us know what happened!!

StillGotTheTreeUp Fri 06-Oct-17 21:49:22

Well if it makes you feel better I'm going on a first date tomorrow... arrrghh!

You'll be absolutely fine op. It'll be fun and lovely.

Clothes wise, maybe something comfortable and easy to get off

gttia Fri 06-Oct-17 21:53:46

He won't notice your insecurities, as you won't notice as.
I had this on meeting my nearly dh (6 years together and 2 weeks from putting our final piece in the puzzle)
It was after divorce and a long period of being told I was fat daily.

Go with the moment is my only advice, if you drink only have a little to calm the nerves. Maybe wear some new underwear.
If he's offering to make up a bed in another room he sounds a gentleman. Have a lovely time!

katiegg Fri 06-Oct-17 21:59:44

He sounds lovely! The special cheeses would do it for me wink

I know it's easier said than done, but try not to stress about your skin, tummy, bum etc... we all have our insecurities and i bet he has his own!

I hope you have a really lovely time!

Binghasalottoanswerfor Fri 06-Oct-17 22:09:48

Am I the only one a little concerned about OPs safety? Staying over with someone you've only met three times before and over an hour's drive from home?

Never in a million years would I be doing that!

CandleWithHair Fri 06-Oct-17 22:27:42

Thanks for the reassuring words! I was cool as a cucumber about it till today and all of a sudden I've regressed to being a jangly nerved teenager.

bing I do get where you're coming from. From the spare details I've posted maybe it does sound a bit nuts but i am about as certain as I can be that he's not a nutjob. I did a lot of internet stalking of him before the first date and nothing since then has given me any cause to worry.

CardsforKittens Fri 06-Oct-17 22:28:33

My advice is:
Don't worry about your body at all
Don't drink too much
Wear something comfortable
Enjoy the cheese
Take condoms in your bag (and lube and anything else that could help)
Keep your phone handy just in case
Make sure a friend knows exactly where you are
Play it by ear: if you don't feel comfortable, call a taxi. If you feel good, go as far as you feel happy with. You don't have to do everything all at once. Sometimes it's more exciting (and more satisfying) to save 'full sex' for a later date.
Always, always, always trust your instincts.

CandleWithHair Fri 06-Oct-17 22:29:02

From the hour's drive bit you'd think we're in the middle of nowhere instead of just an unfortunately very badly connected pair of London suburbs!

gttia Fri 06-Oct-17 22:47:23

I let my soon to be dh collect me, didn't know where I was going and no way of getting back the first time I stayed at his!! Looking back was stupid, but.... I trusted my instinct and here we are.
Echo what others say about safety measures xx

CandleWithHair Fri 06-Oct-17 22:58:27

cards I am going to memorise that list and repeat mantra style grin

gttia that does sound a bit iffy with hindsight but instincts are usually pretty reliable! Love that you got the happy ever after too!

Lesley1980 Fri 06-Oct-17 23:02:04

If you are this worried I wouldn't sleep with him. Just go, eat your cheese & sleep in the other room. There is nothing wrong with that.

loveyoutothemoon Sat 07-Oct-17 08:57:43

I wouldn't drink, incase you need to drive home. Be sensible, you never know do you?

schoolgaterebel Sat 07-Oct-17 09:53:54

Have fun, go with the flow the nerves will disappear once you are there, don’t overthink things.

He sounds like a nice guy, not all men are devious sexual predators as the MN jury would have us believe.

CandleWithHair Sat 07-Oct-17 10:54:02

Looks like the fates have intervened. I have the most hideous cold, so we've altered the plan that I will still go for dinner but will not be drinking in order to be able to drive myself back home afterwards as I really don't want to share my coughing and sniffing with him!

Massively disappointed because I fancy him rotten, but I hear delayed gratification is a thing so...

Next time! Thank you all for the good advice tho, I'll no doubt have to re read it then....

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: