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Husband is having a nervous breakdown/ getting separated

(8 Posts)
Confusedandtiredmama Fri 06-Oct-17 16:43:22

My husband walked out on me and our one year old daughter suddenly three days ago because he's stated he's unhappy. I don't know if he's having an affair, running away, or having some serious mental breakdown. Personally I feel he is having a breakdown. He has a history of severe depression and recently been under a lot of stress at work. I know that's no excuse for his behaviour but I'm worried about his wellbeing. No matter how hard I try not to be, I can't just pretend not to care about him. Hes been having nightmares about work at home and unrealistic expectations of him earning lots of money. Other than that and being more grumpy than usual I would describe him as a loving husband. The last few weeks though his behaviour I can not accept. He started lashing out saying I was an unfit mum and he was going to try take our daughter away from me. I have contacted family mediation, which he is very grudgingly coming to. I know he was unhappy at home, but most of the time he seemed to be ok. Hes staying at his Mums for now who's adamant that he still loves me and cares about me, she's just also concerned that he's getting unwell again. He had a breakdown four years ago. He's talking to me minimally, I feel very confused. On one side I want my husband to just come to his senses and come home but on the other side I feel like he needs to be mor stable if he tries to come back. I'm angry at him for walking out on his daughter and I'm torn between going easy on him (in case he hurts himself and he will come back home and get some help) or between going hard on him. Getting solicitors involved, separation agreement etc
He told me he loves me but can't be with me? At the very least of all of this we will be separated for quite some time I expect.
I feel confused tired, and unsure of the nearby future.

aftertheevent Fri 06-Oct-17 18:27:24

This is all about him. What do you want to happen now? You need to think about you now. Start to detach then you can make a rational decision.

aftertheevent Fri 06-Oct-17 18:30:35

I have a feeing that there's more to this than him being unwell. Does he have a secret life going on that you don't know about. Doesn't add up. Addictions? OW?
I would make moves to separate. I think you don't know the full picture.

aftertheevent Fri 06-Oct-17 18:32:00

In other words he is saying I love you but I'm not in love with you. Which is part of the script.

tygr Fri 06-Oct-17 18:38:25

Or he’s having a break down/ psychological crisis due to prolonged stress.

OP knows him best. What usually helps him in these situations? Does he have insight/ awareness and is he seeking help and support? If he’s just lashing out then focusing on you and your daughter is safest for you both until he recognises what’s happening.

Confusedandtiredmama Fri 06-Oct-17 23:43:52

Tygr- I think this is what's really happening. His mum is so confused and so am I. It's so strange. I saw him tonight and he is insisting He is just simply unhappy in our marriage and has been for quite some time. All he's saying is that I annoy him.

Confusedandtiredmama Sun 08-Oct-17 00:54:07

Bump please

Zaphodsotherhead Sun 08-Oct-17 09:17:18

If he's unhappy then let him go - does it matter why he's unhappy? Work or stress or just falling out of love, doesn't matter. He's said he wants out and for your own self respect, give him his freedom. If he 'comes to his senses' later, he can always find you. And if he doesn't, then you are already free and clear.

There is no reason he can't be having a breakdown and not be in love with you any more.

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