Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Mental Labour

(6 Posts)
EmmaJR1 Fri 06-Oct-17 09:15:32

Does anyone have any advice on how to communicate what "mental labour" is to my DH?
He is an intelligent man, (doctorate level education) but can not seem to grasp the concept.

I had a proper meltdown this morning over something which on its own is inconsequential but is actually a continuation of an ongoing problem.

He doesn't see why it's an issue that he doesn't remember when bin day is, what drawer the baby vests are in, where the dishwasher tablets are and so on...

I'm sick of reminding him and sounding like a nag. I'm mentally exhausted at having to think of everything. He plans lovely things, like a weekend away, but doesn't plan things like booking the dog into kennels, will there be room for a travel cot, can I freely access boiled water and a steriliser or should I take ours.

How can I make him aware of the necessities without sounding critical?

He's an amazing man who would do anything I ask of him... sometimes I just wish I didn't need to ask...

Wormulonian Fri 06-Oct-17 09:33:45

Get him to read these and ask what he thinks!

Neverknowing Fri 06-Oct-17 10:12:05

Honestly I'm a little bit passive aggressive so when my DP didn't get this I literally did it to him ALL THE TIME.
Him: 'can you grab DD some clothes'
Me: 'yes. What should she wear a sleepsuit or an outfit? Should I get a jacket? What drawer are the jackets in?'
And repeat. With everything.
It drives me crazy that some men think that women somehow know more about babies? The amount of men in the nappy aisle calling their partners because they don't know the baby's nappy size? Surely they have the same capacity to know things like that? It's so frustrating that women are the ones who have to know!!

EmmaJR1 Fri 06-Oct-17 10:19:49

Exactly @Neverknowing he knew we needed nappies so went in the way home (excellent - brownie points ) but got size 5+ when our DS wears 4's (doh)

I might try the PA approach with the things he does (and therefore deems necessities) and see what happens!

EmmaJR1 Fri 06-Oct-17 10:22:22

@Wormulonian - this article speaks to me! " *It’s why the sexiest thing a man can say to his partner is “I got this,” and then take care of whatever needs taken care of.*"

^ x 100!

Neverknowing Fri 06-Oct-17 10:25:35

I think they just don't realise?
My DP used to pretty much literally be able to sit in a pile of shit and be confused because I hadn't asked him to clean it? Like I could see dirt he couldn't see? He understands now because he realised how annoying it is 😂

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: