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Pregnant and boyfriend has left

(14 Posts)
dazedandconfuse Thu 05-Oct-17 20:39:20

I'm 12 weeks pregnant and my boyfriend left me around a month ago. I fount out he's slept with girls since but I've also seen him since and we've slept together (I'm an idiot I know) he says that he loves me and he's just not in a good place right now, that I'm his best friend. If I keep the baby he wants absolutely nothing to do with it and I have no idea whether to keep it or not. My ex cries if I talk about the abortion and cries because we aren't together anymore. Why is he being like this? I have no idea whether to go through and have an abortion or not (it's booked for next week) i already have one child, how will I support two kids and raise them alone? My head is a mess over what to do and why my ex is being like he is.

Princesscharming Thu 05-Oct-17 20:52:34

I’m so sorry you feel like this. I wouldn’t rush into an abortion though it’s a huge decision that will stay with you for ever. If you do have the baby you receive financial support to help with the cost and there are lots of support groups you can join to help you get through. How old is your other DC? Do you have family and friends that you can turn to for help and support?

GlitterSparkles17 Thu 05-Oct-17 20:54:28

Distance yourself from him, think about weather YOU want the abortion, and do you really want someone in your life who wouldn’t acknowledge their child? I wouldn’t, people like that are no good. Get rid of the low life and when your ready find a man who will be a great dad and stepdad.

Princesscharming Thu 05-Oct-17 20:54:59

Does your ex receive an income? You can ask for child support from him, even if he doesn’t want anything to do with the baby he is still obliged to pay it.

Princesscharming Thu 05-Oct-17 20:56:08

Well said glittersparkles!**

dazedandconfuse Thu 05-Oct-17 21:03:28

I have a three year old at the moment and I have a big family who i know would support me I just feel guilt guilt guilt and I'm upset my relationship has ended and I'm not really getting over it no matter how hard I try. Like my little 3YO is happier than ever I'm acing uni and work but inside I am so so torn up about my break up. I just keep imagining we all live happily ever after but that's immature of me. Trying to snap out of it and get real about the situation

GlitterSparkles17 Thu 05-Oct-17 21:17:15

If having an abortion is right for you then that’s your decision, nobody else can make it for you but weather you decide to keep your baby or not you need to get your ex out of your life, cut contact completely he’s just messing with your head and you will never be able to make a decision while he’s hanging around confusing you.

Princesscharming Thu 05-Oct-17 21:37:35

Glittersparkles is right in that you can’t make a decision when you are influenced by your ex. Try no contact, no texts, no calls etc. Until you feel a bit stronger. Dealing with a break up is not easy, you will be grieving your relationship and this is not a great place from which to make such a huge decision. Can you talk it through with family?

dazedandconfuse Thu 05-Oct-17 21:53:27

Thanks for being great guys I know I probably sound like the biggest fool in the world. I can talk to my family about it but there's some other big things going on in my family at the moment I don't want to put my problems on them. I have lots of friends to talk to about it but I feel like when I say to anyone "I don't think I can go through with the abortion" they think I'm a complete idiot for wanting to keep the baby

Princesscharming Fri 06-Oct-17 06:13:16

You’re not a tool, you’re involved in a toxic relationship, I know because I’ve been there!! The best thing is to distance yourself from your ex, no contact at all for a while until you get your head straight. Follow your instinct, we underestimate our instinct but it is a very powerful thing. It sounds like yours is saying keep the baby. Xx

WombOfOnesOwn Fri 06-Oct-17 06:19:50

Keep in mind that if he changes his mind and wants to go to court over it, he can absolutely chain himself to you FOREVER if you have this baby. Remember that all it takes is him deciding he wants to be involved, and you won't be able to ever move again for the next 18 years without a judge giving you permission. What kind of life is that for someone so young?

AJPTaylor Fri 06-Oct-17 06:31:09

distance yourself from your ex. he has said that he will not help or support you.
even if you were not pregnant the sleeping around is surely a deal breaker.
what example do you want to set your child?
termination is such a personal thing so its wrong to express an opinion
but please take him out of the equation snd give your head a wobble.

Judashascomeintosomemoney Fri 06-Oct-17 06:44:01

My ex cries if I talk about the abortion and cries because we aren't together anymore. Why is he being like this?
Because if he doesn’t talk about it and gets all ‘upset’ he can pretend it had nothing to do with him, he’s absolving himself of all responsibility. He cries at the ‘not being together’ because then you’ll feel sorry and confused and still sleep with him (whilst he continues to sleep around). Basically he gets everything he wants out of this. Do what Glitter said and make the right decision for you. flowers

dazedandconfuse Fri 06-Oct-17 09:44:04

Thanks AJPTaylor though I think "give your head a wobble" is kind of crap advice when I've already given my head several wobbles I just came here for advice. You don't need to be rude. And thanks everyone else I really do need to just completely cut my ex out the equation and try and figure out how I would manage with two kids alone and if I'm just being an irresponsible idiot if I keep the baby.

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