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How would you respond to this message?!

(73 Posts)
Pepperpotts66 Thu 05-Oct-17 17:29:40

Guy I've been seeing a few months used to text me constantly and suddenly reduced the amount he was texting. In the end I confronted him and asked him if he'd gone off me. He said no and "you don't need to worry, I'm really into you xxx"

We then arranged a new date for tomorrow. Anyway this week the messaging has been almost non existent and I could sense he was really stressed so I just backed off him. Yesterday he sent me a wall of text about some difficulties he was having where he's currently living. I replied asking if talking over the phone would help him. Got no response.

He's just sent me this:

"Sorry I went to bed early, too much going on atm. I've had a rough couple of years with issues, been off work for nearly a year during that time. Meeting you was really good, felt right but I've managed to get myself into a bit of a pickle this week, had yesterday off which helped. I just don't want you thinking it's you, it's me... Thought I was over most of this crap but alot of stuff has been happening the past few weeks. Xxx how has your day been? I'm chilling out, had to change my day off to Wednesday, have to work tomorrow instead 😞 going to watch wind river in a bit. What you up to? Xxx"

Have no idea how to respond to him to best help him. My heart is breaking for him. He's only been with 2 girls before me, long term relationships. First one was a chronic alcoholic who ended up abusing him. Second one dumped him the day he gave up his life in London to move in with her. So he's been treated like rubbish. I know he was scared when he first met me about how strong his feelings were at first.

I know from seeing his messaging/WhatsApp that he hardly messages people and if he does they're one word answers so this big message is really out of character. Also he never sends that many kisses to me.

I really like him and feel like he could be the one but have no idea how to help him or what to say.

Shayelle Thu 05-Oct-17 17:33:56

Everyone's had shit with ex's in the past. Why is your heart 'breaking' for him. He's gone off you and is trying to get the sympathy vote off you to let you down gently. Cut him off and find someone who doesnt play the bloody victim!!

Shoxfordian Thu 05-Oct-17 17:35:51

He isn't the one

It doesn't sound like he's in the right place for a relationship. Find someone who can make the effort and doesn't have a lot of baggage.

KatieHF Thu 05-Oct-17 17:36:55

I don't know if he's trying to get the sympathy vote. Sometimes if people get hurt and then start to like someone else they push them away. Maybe you and him should have a big conversation about where this is going?

PNGirl Thu 05-Oct-17 17:38:37

Proceed with caution. It's only a short hop to "I don't think I'm ready to be in a relationship".

userxx Thu 05-Oct-17 17:39:55

You are way too over invested, it's only been a few months. Do not try and take his shit on, it's his shit to deal with.

AdalindSchade Thu 05-Oct-17 17:39:58

Umm just respond nicely and stop stressing! Also stop ‘breaking your heart’ over him for goodness sake

Aquamarine1029 Thu 05-Oct-17 17:40:08

He is very clearly telling you the relationship is over. He just hasn't come out and said it yet.

troodiedoo Thu 05-Oct-17 17:41:29

I'm just seeing red flags here. You can't fix him. Leave him to sort his shit out.

Onecallaway Thu 05-Oct-17 17:43:51

Is your heart genuinely breaking for him? Sorry I think you need to be more realistic about what he can offer you.

PaintingOwls Thu 05-Oct-17 17:44:20

Your heart is breaking for him? How melodramatic.

I'm sorry OP, but he's just not that into you. In life one finds a way or an excuse. He's finding excuses.

LineysRun Thu 05-Oct-17 17:44:21

So is that message cancelling your date?

Hissy Thu 05-Oct-17 17:49:02

I’d say he’s being honest

It’s understandable that he’s wary if he’s finding he likes you.

I’d tell him it’s ok and to take his time and no pressure

I would also point out tho that I wasn’t looking for a friend so if he wanted a relationship at some point that’s fine, but if he really isn’t in the right place it’s absolutely ok to leave it there.

Appuskidu Thu 05-Oct-17 17:50:00

Your heartbeat is breaking for him?hmm

oldlaundbooth Thu 05-Oct-17 17:52:09

You need to up your standards op.

Move on.

You're not a charity.

Aminuts23 Thu 05-Oct-17 17:52:34

He’s cooling off. Back off because you’re going to get hurt if you’re over invested. Take it from wise ladies that know.

rosareine Thu 05-Oct-17 17:58:34

I would be backing away after that message.

Comps83 Thu 05-Oct-17 17:59:18

Id be totally taking that as a hint that he wants out.

Save your pride , tell him that you're going to give him space but that he knows where you are if he needs you

Then be prepared to never hear from him again and move on.

PNGirl Thu 05-Oct-17 18:07:19

Ah, yes, I missed that he is saying he's working tomorrow so it looks like he is cancelling implicitly.

MyBrilliantDisguise Thu 05-Oct-17 18:08:48

How do you know what he's messaging on WhatsApp? How can you see that without seeing his phone?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Thu 05-Oct-17 18:17:22

I would wonder what exactly the "pickle" was, another female? An ex? Sorry, that's not what you want to hear. People who get dumped on are often capable of toughening up from their past experiences and can be quite callous themselves.

TheNaze73 Thu 05-Oct-17 18:23:33

You’re way too over invested.

He’s not feeling it. He’s saying laters. You’re worth more thah this

category12 Thu 05-Oct-17 18:39:22

Ugh, what do you want a fixer-upper for? He's going to keep you dangling with his pity-party and you're going to coo sympathetically as he blows you off and messes you about. Try finding a fully rounded functional human being to date.

Lalalanded Thu 05-Oct-17 18:47:06

Back off. And let him know you're doing so. That's what he's doing.

Many people have shitty exes and those who are ready for a new relationship go on to have them. Sounds like he isn't, and is doing the softly softly around it.

WarmestRegards Thu 05-Oct-17 18:47:32

The message is really odd. Where's the apology for cancelling the date? I can't stand people who never say sorry when they should. I'd ignore it and I certainly wouldn't feel sorry for him.

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