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Birthday tea without dh

(70 Posts)
Borris Thu 05-Oct-17 15:31:46

Would you expect a reasonable partner to object to a little tea party with cake and candles being held for dd by the grandparents a week before her actual birthday when he wasn't there. (By choice not not invited )

There would still be a cake and candles on her actual birthday and a party with cake etc on a weekend.

Loopytiles Thu 05-Oct-17 15:35:18

How many / who would be the guests?

Loopytiles Thu 05-Oct-17 15:36:27

It might be reasonable to object, IMO, if the GPs planned to invite a fair few people and make a big deal with gifts etc.

ImListening Thu 05-Oct-17 15:39:41

No not at all. But I assume there is a backstory!

MyBrilliantDisguise Thu 05-Oct-17 15:42:46

So he has chosen not to go but doesn't want the party to take place, even though it's not on her birthday and there will be another celebration then?

He sounds very unreasonable.

AliceLostInWonderland321 Thu 05-Oct-17 15:42:49

It sounds okay to me.

But like Loopy has said, if the GPs are inviting loads of people including lots of family and DH won't be there, it's not fair.

Borris Thu 05-Oct-17 15:43:10

Guests would be my parents, my sis and her child, me and my child.
We're having tea anyway as we're visiting. My mum asked if she could make a cake and candles as it's close to dd birthday and they live too far away to see her on her birthday

mrscampbellblackreturns Thu 05-Oct-17 15:43:34


mrscampbellblackreturns Thu 05-Oct-17 15:44:14

It sounds lovely - has your DH objected or are you worried he may?

Borris Thu 05-Oct-17 15:44:59

DH dislikes my parents. Says he's got nothing in common with them. Thinks that they are too clingy despite seeing them 3 or 4 times a year and speaking to them maybe fortnightly.

He thinks his relationship with his parents is normal which is visiting once a year and 1-2 phone calls and the odd email

Loopytiles Thu 05-Oct-17 15:45:18

Then no obvious reason to object.

Does he dislike your family / do they dislike him? Is he being PFB / selfish and only want the “nuclear family” celebration?

Borris Thu 05-Oct-17 15:45:58

I haven't broached it with him yet. But anticipate he won't be happy. I might be wrong

Loopytiles Thu 05-Oct-17 15:46:03

Bit of a red flag there. Is he controlling in other ways?

ImListening Thu 05-Oct-17 15:46:45

Your dh is odd. That's not clingy at all.

Borris Thu 05-Oct-17 15:46:48

Yes I expect him to say it should be a nuclear family celebration

Borris Thu 05-Oct-17 15:47:33

Just wanted to see if I'm unreasonable (without braving AIBUgrin ) before speaking to him

mrscampbellblackreturns Thu 05-Oct-17 15:49:11

God, it sounds like your family want to do a nice thing. And I know this isn't AIBU but he really would be very unreasonable to object.

I hope he hides his dislike of your family around them and your dc.

Borris Thu 05-Oct-17 15:49:14

I think I'll ask if he minds and see how he reacts. It honestly isn't a big event but candles would mean it was definitely "birthday" and not just tea

Borris Thu 05-Oct-17 15:50:09

I think my parents have gathered he doesn't like them. He manages to be out the house most the time when they do visit

mrscampbellblackreturns Thu 05-Oct-17 15:51:01

That can't be very nice for you - assuming your parents are fairly normal decent people.

PaintingByNumbers Thu 05-Oct-17 15:51:05

Why ask? Why see if he minds? Why do you care? What does he do if he minds? Is he the house God?

PinkHeart5914 Thu 05-Oct-17 15:53:09

No I wouldn’t object at all, sounds lovely.

Thing is he can’t dislike your family just becuase they are diffrent to his confused what a strange view for him to him

Muddlingalongalone Thu 05-Oct-17 15:55:40

Does he have to know??

RatherBeRiding Thu 05-Oct-17 15:56:11

I wouldn't even ask. Is there a reason he's not visiting too? I wouldn't ask and I wouldn't even mention it.

Or is he the sort to kick up a big fuss and sulk/shout/generally make life unpleasant if anyone dares to do something he disapproves of? In which case you have bigger problems than a few candles.

MissEliza Thu 05-Oct-17 15:56:32

If he's chosen not to be there, that's his problem and you can do what you like. However I'm a bit superstitious about celebrating kid's birthdays before the actual day. (I know it sounds ridiculous.)

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