Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Is he just trying to make me feel worthless on purpose?

(15 Posts)
hemakesmesad Thu 05-Oct-17 08:41:00

To to mention something to start... in very angry at my mother due to my childhood and the realisation I didn't have a great one. And I really dislike my mother right now and my husband has previously made comments about how 'similar' o am to her. He says in terms of behaviour but also looks. I told him can he please stop making these comments because I don't like it and it makes me feel really low. He said he would. Then last night we were talking about something random in bed... and he then started saying ' i read an article that they did a study and it says woman are 90% likely to end up looking and acting like their mother so if you don't do something about it now you will end up like her'
I was so upset and angry because of my current feelings towards my mother and I shouted at him and reacted badly to his comments because previously I told him not to do it. He said 'oh your a teenager who can't handle a normal conversation'

Now he's punishing me all day being nasty and giving me attitude telling me I shouldn't argue in bed but he knew how I would react by make the comments anyway! Now he's going to do some work and I'll be left here all day worrying about all this. He said he's only with me for the kids because if he left me with the kids they would be 'messed up' ( they really wouldn't, I think I'm a good mum, not perfect but better than my own mum)
I already have OCD and depression and now he's made me feel so low... I won't be able to get anything done now because when I feel this low o struggle to pick my self back up for the day. He he pushes every single button I have and expect me to react 'well'
He's mentioned this 'study' to me 3 times so I know he's using it to get to me and make me feel low. My mum is overweight and smokes as well so he's basically saying I will end up like that ( I dont smoke and I never have!) and I'm not slim but I'm not overweight either. I told him I would go find someone shoes nicer to me if he's only with me for the kids and he said 'good luck' and laughed. Sometimes I think he's just saying these to get me to react badly so he can be angry

Fishface77 Thu 05-Oct-17 08:44:12

Tell him to FUCK OF.
He's preying on your insecurities. Nasty piece of shit.
Retrain your brain so laugh and him and if he asks why your laughing say oh nothing turn over and go to sleep.
Sometimes stand there watching him with a smirk and if he asks what snigger and say nothing.
Give him a taste of his own medicine.

Allabitmuchisntit Thu 05-Oct-17 08:50:41

What fishface said.
He's a manipulative shithead. Don't listen to it. I had this from an ex - knew I had last with my mother and used to say I was like her. They know exactly what they are doing.
Don't share anything else with him.

Lweji Thu 05-Oct-17 08:55:42

He said he's only with you for the kids and keeps messing you about?

What are you doing with him?

Don't spend the day worrying about this.
Spend it packing his bags, or looking into the practicalities of separating from him.
You'll feel better.

hemakesmesad Thu 05-Oct-17 09:20:13

He's expecting me to chase him and apologise at how bad I've been for arguing with him instead of 'talking' and I have to now bow down and accept the blame. He thinks 'talking' is accepting anything he said and take his insults.. if I get upset by his comments that's considered as 'arguing with him' and that's not allowed. I'm not allowed to ever get upset by anything he says because that makes me a teenager. He's going to go and do some work and ignore me all day and I will have to feel the punishment until he sees he's ready to be nice again.

Lweji Thu 05-Oct-17 09:23:08

You can get out of that cycle.
Don't talk. Act.

It's not working out.

cakecakecheese Thu 05-Oct-17 09:26:43

He says those things to get a reaction out of you, then when you react the way he intended you he then blames you. What a horrible situation to be in and it's not going to change, he's just going to keep eroding your self esteem. I would urge you to seek help from Women's Aid or the like as he is bullying and manipulating you and staying in this situation only going to make your health worse.

PickAChew Thu 05-Oct-17 09:29:16

His father must have been a right dickhead, by his logic.

Isetan Thu 05-Oct-17 09:30:31

Does it really matter if his nastiness is by accident or design? No one can make you feel low if you don't give them permission to and by not limiting your exposure to this manipulative and bullying knob, you're enabling it.

It's time to accept that this is who he is and there's not a nicer version of him waiting to appear.

This man is not good for your mh, so don't delegate the responsibility of maintaining it to somebody whose intent on destroying it.

FantasticButtocks Thu 05-Oct-17 10:33:01

Yes, he is.

Can you do something today with your day instead of fretting about this? Can you get to the seaside or just do something totally different from your usual. Change the outcome. Don't allow this complete arsehole to ruin your whole day - he isn't worth it.

Foxysoxy01 Thu 05-Oct-17 10:54:42

Imagine packing a bag for you and the kids, getting together as much money as you can take from bank accounts/safes/anywhere you keep money and driving to a family/friend/rented house. How does that make you feel? Do you think you could put the wheels in motion to do those things? How would you feel being free of him and his emotional abuse?

Honestly the best thing you can do for yourself and any kids you may have is to leave him (or kick him out and change the locks if you think he would go)

You don't deserve to look back in a few years and see the time you have wasted with this shithead you call a partner.

Shoxfordian Thu 05-Oct-17 11:00:26

He sounds nasty and he treats you like a child not a partner

Chaos777 Thu 05-Oct-17 11:16:51

He has insulted you, keeps provoking you, and is now ignoring you.

He does not deserve you, but he thinks you will never leave him, and that he has the upper hand.

Surprise him. You can set your children an excellent example of how not to be bullied and manipulated.

Search on here for info on how to set a plan in action to leave, and very quietly, decide what would make you & your children safe, protected and content.

Aquamarine1029 Thu 05-Oct-17 14:06:49

You SHOULD chase him. Right out the fucking door.

ICESTAR Sat 07-Oct-17 12:04:07

I hope that one day you wake up and decide this is the day the dick head leaves my life and I can live in peace with no abuse from no one. I hope you make that day today. flowers

I don't wish to be cruel but your children will learn his crap behaviour if you stay with him. Do you want that for them?

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: