deepwater your drip feed is important - but please don't thinknim accusing you in a mean way of a drip feed! It's hard to get it altogether when you're just letting out the latest incident.
I know it so well - my ex husband was an habitual user of prostitutes.
I used to say to friends - any ONE incident could be explained away. It was always circumstantial, not proof.
Like seeing an escort search.
Well, we all know that porn sites cause you to have random pop ups, right? There's always an explanation that we make for ourselves. Not because we're stupid enough to believe it! But because the burden of proof we put on ourselves isn't a "balance of probabilities" or even "beyond all reasonable doubt". It is: "cast iron". That is, beyond any doubt - not just beyond any reasonable doubt.
And that's very very hard to find.
When people look at your OP, they'll think - ah, but escort is so close to Escorial wool (what even is that?!) - so it must have come up when you typed Escorial. Except... you didn't. And that's the important drop feed.
Yes, maybe escort could come up from a porn pop up (though I'm not buying that anyway). But Escorial sure as fuck did not! (unless there's a whole fetish for fucking people in woolly jumpers?!)
Anyway... you know he searched it.
I appreciate the people saying "show him the screenshot" are trying to help. But they may not have lived with a man like this. Mine would have just stonewalled "I don't know why. My mate must have searched it on my laptop. It'll be a porn pop up. I was searching for Escorial wool because I thought you might like a new hobby" But mostly - I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.
That puts you in the very uncomfortable position of saying YOU ARE A LIAR. That's actually very hard to say to someone's face.
One day, when I was really ready to leave (some other unrelated stuff had happened) I found yet more circumstantial evidence. An old phone of his full of dialled escort numbers. "But I never went through with it..."
Of course he had. But he thought his denials would work. But this time I just shrugged and said "don't you see that even you 'only looking' is on its own good reason for me to end this marriage?". And it was. And I did. And the relief I felt was IMMENSE. I was freed from the constant and soul destroying search for PROOF.
You know that phrase about a weight lifting? I actually felt like I was walking on air for days.
So you work with him and love your job?
Yeah it's tough working with an XH.
Isn't it tougher working with an H who treats you like shit and cheats on you?
Who cares whether his mates think it's your fault? Really - is that a reason to stay, that they think that, or he "wins" getting it that way.
Get out.
Carry on with the job you love - because it's shit working with an arsehole anyway.
You might get lucky and he leaves. But look around for another job or an internal move anyway.
I know you love your job - but your SOUL is more important.
Good luck (and stop looking for proof! He's not good enough - end of)