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Getting married at 18 (army)

(39 Posts)
SGDA Wed 04-Oct-17 14:07:32

Hi, I’m getting married this month (he’s in the army) just wondering if anyone else got married young into the military?

BitchQueen90 Wed 04-Oct-17 14:14:46

Yes, me. I was 21 and he was 24.

It was a negative experience to be completely honest with you. We were just too young and the marriage only lasted 2 years. Is he being stationed away? We had to live away from family and I felt completely isolated especially after DS was born, which didn't help.

2014newme Wed 04-Oct-17 14:16:29

Are you both in the military?
Why do you have to get married. You're still a teenager!

MsGameandWatching Wed 04-Oct-17 14:17:55

Yes I was 19, he was 23. We were divorced within three years. My fault, I was too young and immature.

That said I know many forces couples who married young and are still together decades later. In my opinion a soldier who makes a career out of the army often has qualities and commitment that also transfer into maintaining a long, steady marriage.

MrsHathaway Wed 04-Oct-17 14:18:21

A friend did. It didn't last long. Her husband was a twat though.

DH and I also married young, though not in our teens and not army. I don't think age is the problem: rather not being suited to one another or having unmatched expectations.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners Wed 04-Oct-17 14:20:10

My DH married his first wife when she was 18 and he was 21 just as he went into the army. After she had DSS1, who was seriously ill and had to have a heart operation, she asked him to choose between her and the army. He chose her, and his family, but regrets that now because he wanted to stay in and she didn't want to travel with him - i can see both points of view. She cheated on him a few years later and he's quite bitter about it because he gave up the career he had always wanted for her, and she left anyway.

userxx Wed 04-Oct-17 14:22:21

You are so young!!! Hope it all works out for you.

Ineedmorelemonpledge Wed 04-Oct-17 14:34:18

Really hope it works out for you. Take use of your families officer for support and advice.

It can be tough, that's why the army divorce rates are double those of civilians unfortunately.

slothlover Wed 04-Oct-17 19:54:30

Both me and hubby were 19 and are still together and happy 14 years later xx

Chottie Wed 04-Oct-17 19:57:31

I got married at 19 and I've been married over 40 years smile

AyeAyeFishyPie Wed 04-Oct-17 20:01:28

I was just 22 when we got married. We are very happy 10 years later. But I never asked reassurance from a public forum. You sure you want to do this?

Kikibanana86 Wed 04-Oct-17 20:05:53

I got married at 23 but had my first baby with my husband at 21, we have been separated for 2 years but we had some good times and 4 more children!

I personally think that the person you are at 18 is going to be different to the person you are at 28,38.... that's why they don't usually last.

Saying that there's exceptions to everything and it's down to the people rather than age.

18 is so young though!ate you still going to do all the things you want to do?

happiestcamper Wed 04-Oct-17 20:07:25

I married at 20, moved away with then dh (also army) fell pg with ds1 away from home with a deployed dh. Moved back and he didn't. Marriage lasted another year. I strongly recommend unless you are certain and I don't believe you are if you asking advice from strangers not to do it!

PrincessPlod Wed 04-Oct-17 20:08:19

Could you just not live where he is for a bit? If he is being posted abroad could you not just visit etc. DH was in the army, so was his ex they married as going to be posted different places, they were both 23. They lasted 10yrs but I think that’s because of the kids more so.

If you feel ready to get married do it but any doubts don’t do it. Listen to your gut.

Sidge Wed 04-Oct-17 20:28:01

Get married because you really want to, not just to be eligible for a quarter.

I know a lot of service personnel that married young for a number of reasons. I can’t think of one couple that are still together.

Aquamarine1029 Wed 04-Oct-17 21:21:00

When it comes to marriage, it's not so much your age that matters, it's your level of maturity and having the humility to know that any marriage takes a lot of hard work. I've known several couple who got married very young and have happily stayed together for decades now. I also know people who waited until their 30s or 40s and were divorced within a couple of years. One couple by 8 months! Go into it with your eyes as wide open as possible and understand that there WILL be some very hard times. I wish you the best!

CanIGoToBedNow Wed 04-Oct-17 21:23:47

Don't do it just to get military housing

Can you not live together near the barracks

Military life is fucking hard and lonely and not for everyone...

Aquamarine1029 Wed 04-Oct-17 21:25:00

Oh, one more thing... If you can hold off on having children, I HIGHLY recommend it. Give yourselves several years to grow together and feel secure in your marriage. If things are tough, bringing a baby into the mix will spell disaster. You have PLENTY of time to have children.

Aquamarine1029 Wed 04-Oct-17 21:27:37

One more thing! Sorry! Continue your education!! You never know what the future will bring, and you should make it a priority to always be able to support yourself, no matter what happens.

TheFairyCaravan Wed 04-Oct-17 21:34:31

I got married to DH (RAF) when I was 23. I got pregnant on honeymoon, we lived off base and I'll admit it wasn't easy. I lived in area where I knew no-one my age and all my 'friends' were DH's colleagues wives. It got easier as DS and I went to groups etc. We've been married 23 years now.

DS1 is in the army. I honestly don't know how marriages and relationships survive in his regiment. He is never at home, and I mean never. He's been in the army 3 years now. People he joined up with got married as soon as they were eligible for a married quarter. Only one couple are still married of about 8.

If you were my daughter, or your OH was my son, I would be encouraging you to wait a bit before you got married. There's really no rush.

lemureyes Wed 04-Oct-17 21:36:18

We were 19 when we got married. We are not military but almost were (husband signed up but couldn't join due to medical issues)

So coming from the 'young and married' side I would say that you should be going into this with a level head. With me and my husband it really helped that we lived together beforehand so we really knew eachother so there were no real surprises once we entered married life.

Prepare for being away from each other a lot if he is working. If you can still have a good relationship while you are away from eachother then that will definitely help (especially if neither of you are the jealous type and can wholeheartedly trust eachother)

Now my next point is not for everybody so this is just purely my opinion. I found that pregnancy/having a child has made me more focused in day to day life, it has made me more motivated to get things done and organised (I am organised...something I thought I would never say)

TheFairyCaravan Wed 04-Oct-17 21:37:32

Oh god! Yes! Don't give up your education. Make sure you've got something to fall back on.

And if you can learn to drive. So many wives are isolated because very often camps are in the middle of nowhere, public transport is shit so when their husband is away they are literally sat at home looking at four (magnolia) walls.

Onecutefox Wed 04-Oct-17 21:38:21

Do you have to marry? You may have a child and he will be frequently away. I wouldn't marry and see how it goes.

TheCraicDealer Wed 04-Oct-17 22:13:45

DH (army) and I got together when I was 22 and he was 25, but we’ve only just got married seven years later.

He’s about to be deployed and I’m finding the prep for that that very difficult to be honest, even with friends and family close by. We’ve been married nearly four weeks and he’s been home two nights, and I’m not getting to see him until late October. I couldn’t have handled it at 18, 20 or even 22, wouldn’t have be mature or resilient enough. At least at 29 I have my own career, exams and our house to occupy myself.

There is very much a culture even now of “well if you were that keen on her you’d marry her”. It leads a lot of people we’ve known to marry very young and quickly in order to access housing and other “benefits” which partners simply don’t get. Due to the transient nature of the postings we haven’t kept in touch with many, but there’s a few we know from SM who’ve split already or didn’t even make it down the aisle. There’s a lot of uncertainty with his place at the moment- for example some of his colleagues were told with literally weeks’ notice that they were going off to E-Europe for six months. Booked Florida with the wife and kids? Sorry guys! I wasn’t prepared for that despite being with serving DH for six years before.

There’s plenty of women your age who trot off to uni and keep a boyfriend at home, or a fella who goes somewhere to study or work. If you’re having doubts don’t be thinking that it’s a choice between marrying and splitting up. You don’t need to do it to show you love him or you’re committed to your relationship, but if you’re sure then I wish you all the very best. Where is he posted?

Graphista Wed 04-Oct-17 22:52:13

So so young and military life/marriage is NOT easy.

I was 23 and far too young. Marriage only lasted 8 years he cheated - which goes on A LOT.

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