Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Potential Cheating friend's H

(17 Posts)
TactlessHound Wed 04-Oct-17 14:01:59

A bit of an odd one, I wonder if anyone has been in the same situation and have any insights.
I received a message from an unknown third party saying his friend really fancies me, and even though he knows I am married would like to know if I would consider going out for a coffee.
The message was sent a couple of months back, but I only saw it yesterday as it had been filtered as spam. The person who sent it to me has no way of knowing whether I read it or not.
Now, just to make this very clear, I have no intention whatsoever of going out with whoever it might be. I am happily married and have a horror of cheating people due to family history, so it's never going to happen.
However, I have this nagging feeling I should find out who it is, in case it is a friend's husband or something like that. He doesn't seem to have much regard for my relationship, I don't see why he would have any regard for his own.

Thoughts?

AuntieStella Wed 04-Oct-17 14:06:44

Ignoring it is the only possible thing to do.

Especially as the writer sounds about 12

offside Wed 04-Oct-17 14:07:52

Do you have reason to believe it's a friend's husband or otherwise connected?

I'd personally tell my DH just ignore, they may take any kind of communication as a way in.

TactlessHound Wed 04-Oct-17 14:10:42

Yeah, I have reason to believe it could be a friends' husband. I don't intend to communicate with this person

Changedname3456 Wed 04-Oct-17 14:23:27

Best to leave well alone.

What if the friend's husband turns around and tells your husband that you got in touch, and that you knew that he was after a "coffee" with you? It wouldn't look good.

Telling your husband before you did it might also lead to problems as he may well want you to leave it alone, if this guy's one of his mates, which might then upset you because you'd feel loyalty to the wife.

HarmlessChap Wed 04-Oct-17 14:41:37

Contact from an unknown 3rd party?

It could just as easily be some kind of scam or someone wanting to cause trouble between you and your spouse if you do reply.

PinkHeart5914 Wed 04-Oct-17 14:45:19

What do you want to tell your friend? That you got a random email from someone saying my friend likes you and it may be her dh or may be any other man of the world.

It’s a stupid email that sounds like a teen would write, delete the email and think of it no more

schoolgaterebel Wed 04-Oct-17 15:02:31

My first thought it is someone trying to test you. Perhaps your DH.

TactlessHound Wed 04-Oct-17 15:14:33

Perhaps I should make things a bit clearer:

1. I'm not a moron, the way some of you guys are talking, you'd think I have an IQ of 10
2. When I say unknown source, I mean it is someone I don't know, but have in the outskirts of my circle of friends, which I have verified and am confident of whereabouts they stand relative to me socially
3. Definitely not a friend of my husbands. I won't explain in detail, but you can take my word for it
4. If it was my partner, I'd know and I wouldn't be here. Be under no illusions, as I said, I am not a fool.
5. If I was to find out who it is, it definitely wouldn't be the direct way: "hey, is it you who wants to cheat on your partner with me?". (see number 1)
6. I don't have a specific person in mind, as I said, I don't know who it is. I do however have narrowed down the possibilities and I can be fairly certain I know the circles in which they mingle, hence why it could be a friend's husband
My dilemma is: I would like to know if there was even a hint of my husband thinking of cheating on me, no matter who with. Wouldn't you?

HoHoHoHo Wed 04-Oct-17 15:29:21

I think you should tell your husband and ignore it. Looking into is a bit like poking a hornets nest. You are not interested so leave it be.

Angelf1sh Wed 04-Oct-17 15:32:59

Unknown third party makes it sound like a phishing scam to me. I wouldn't have said it was your husband trying to test you as he'd have to think very little of you to assume you'd agree to coffee with this unspecified stranger's friend. Unless you've missed out a big part, I really don't know why you think it's your friend's husband.

schoolgaterebel Wed 04-Oct-17 15:39:46

If your friends DH wanted an affair with you surely he would approach you himself rather than getting this unknown source ** (*on the outskirts of your circle of friends, which You have verified and are confident of whereabouts they stand relative to you socially*) to contact you on his behalf.

It’s all very odd hmm

Wherearemymarbles Wed 04-Oct-17 15:57:51

So how would you go about finding out who it might be without stirring up a hornets nest?

And if you do what then? Plenty of stories of the messenger being shot when they try to so the right thing.

Let sleeping dogs lie.... especially as this dog might already be sleeping with someone else already...

mummwest Sun 08-Oct-17 14:42:04

Sounds more like it was the person who sent the message asking for himself to be honest with you, I can't imagine any grown adult asking for a friend!

I would definitely just ignore it though, it was only one message and months ago now so there's no point in potentially getting involved in some kind of drama when you don't need to be!

Aminuts23 Sun 08-Oct-17 14:45:19

This happened to me by text. Turns out it was my then partner trying to ‘test’ me. He admitted this on the day I left him. Urghhh

Myheartbelongsto Sun 08-Oct-17 14:46:52

You're dying to know just admit it.

Cricrichan Sun 08-Oct-17 15:04:31

It's a weird message. As if anyone would be up for it! An anonymous person messages that their friend is interested? What a weird thing to do. I'd show it to my husband and probably my friends and then dismiss it.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now