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£10k+ divorce bill

(19 Posts)
JellyBean31 Sun 01-Oct-17 14:52:49

And it's still not over!!!

I left my EA ExH 3 years ago, should've filed straight away but as youngest DC was just starting A levels decided to wait for 2 yrs seperation as he be off to uni then.

Had discussions in that time as to what we would expect financially and I thought we come to a verbal agreement so I filed 1 yr ago without using a solicitor thinking it'd be straightforward.

First he didn't sign the papers, so I knew I'd have to pursue it legally so engaged a solicitor.

Then he says he hasn't received the letters that were sent out.

Then in December he back tracks on the sale of the house saying he will buy me out. He also says he wants me to waive rights to an overseas property as "I never contributed" confused. I agreed as even though I had contributed I never wanted it in the first place.

Signs the papers eventually and the nisi was issued in January.

In Feb get a formal offer via his solicitor. Which while it wasn't rejected I did query how he'd arrived at that figure.

In March the offer is withdrawn with no explanation.

He never responds to the questions in the letters my solicitor sends, just replies with unrelated demands.

As we were getting nowhere fast, and I could see myself in the same situation in another years time we decided to go to court to try & force him to sell the house.

Even though all the required paperwork hadn't been completed prior to the court date by his side, the judge agreed with his solicitor that a pension valuation by an actuary was needed... So I'm no further along and we'll be back in court again (and I'll need a barrister) in December.

How is any of this fair??

ILikeyourHairyHands Sun 01-Oct-17 15:34:47

It's not. My divorce from my first husband cost about 16k in the end, he obstructed every step, Inhad tonget a court order to force the house sale and it took five years.

Worth every penny!

You have my sympathy though.

JellyBean31 Sun 01-Oct-17 16:02:34

Thanks.. It's so hard though, I keep thinking of all the things I could better use that money for.

I know it'll be worth it in the end, I just thought I'd be in a position to move on with my life by now but I still feel in limbo!

ILikeyourHairyHands Sun 01-Oct-17 17:33:48

Just move on, do you have DC? I didn't with him so I guess it was easier.

I had two DC with my current DH by the time it was all done, it just became a tedious administrative task by the end.

It is hard when they wish to be obstructive, take solace from the fact that judges don't look kindly upon it. I ended up being awarded costs as well as a generous settlement due to his fucking around. More than twice what I'd originally suggested.

So it did have a happy ending.

tessdougall Sun 01-Oct-17 18:08:03

My divorce was similar, my EH made lots of very odd demands such as valuing our rather tatty furniture at £25K. I had to hire a barrister to argue my case in court and it took nearly two years to finalise. But although the law is slow, it does all get sorted eventually and the judges who heard our case made pretty good judgements.

Good luck to you.

JellyBean31 Sun 01-Oct-17 18:40:01

I know I can't do anything other than trust my solicitor and hope the system brings the right result in the end.

Yes I have 2 DC 19 & 21 now, they still live in the former marital home with him which is why I have not just out it up for sale myself, they'd bear the brunt of his reaction.

He tells them lies about me all the time and says that it's me makings unreasonable demands. They believed him at first and I wondered if there was a genuine miscommunication via his solicitor so I emailed him directly to say what it was I wanted (exact what we'd verbally agreed) and asked if you agreed that was fair. He replied with one word "no".

No discussion, no offer of compromise, you "no". That's what I'm up against.

43percentburnt Sun 01-Oct-17 19:00:45

I hope you have changed your mind about the overseas property. See it as a tax for messing you around for so long.

Genuinely take your full legal entitlement to every marital asset @
- I can promise you he would be happy to take far more than his legal entitlement and he would feel not one ounce of guilt.

JellyBean31 Sun 01-Oct-17 19:14:40

I'd happily give him the property if he'd agree to keep his mitts off've my pension, but he won't.

The irony is that throughout all our married life we argued about the fact that I'm someone who wanted the financially plan for the future and he had a "fuck it live for today" attitude.

Now the fact that I have a bigger pension on paper than him, he's fighting for a portion of what he always considered a waste of money.

Hes never been unemployed, he just didn't want to invest in his pension the way I did.

43percentburnt Mon 02-Oct-17 20:04:04

Take your full legal entitlement, not a penny less. When he calls you money grabbing/a goldigger etc. Explain it’s best you just take your full legal entitlement as per the court.

BadHatter Mon 02-Oct-17 21:37:10

Isnt he doing what posters are telling you to do: to fight for his full legal entitlement?

OP, is your offer to him fair given that he still has dependants and you don't?

Ineedmorelemonpledge Mon 02-Oct-17 22:08:38

Sympathies from me too. We have no assets to divide (i told him to take whatever he wanted from the house) but the bill is now 25k because he ignores the letters and court dates and they've had to aggressively investigate him. Only to find out he's lost his job.


Two more months until the final hearing - where I will probably lose about 25k of my pension and his back non-payments of CM are currently at 22k.

I am sick with it all and too old to start again financially. All could've been avoided and cost 3k max if we'd dealt directly with the judge and filled in some online forms.

This divorce is physically hurting me everyday- the pain of procedure is palpable isn't it?

JellyBean31 Mon 02-Oct-17 22:33:16

He doesn't have dependants, our adult sons live in the former marital home and pay him "keep". They look after themselves & more often cook for him than vice versa. They both stay with me a couple of nights every week.

Your stories are scaring me to death cost-wise!

I don't care what I'm legally entitled to, I would have been morally fair if he had been too. He earns more than me and my solicitor is now saying I can claim spousal mainly as why should get parity in retirement when there is non while we're both still working... I don't want a penny of his wages and will continue to try to negotiate a fair settlement that means he is financially compensated but leaves my pension alone.

JellyBean31 Mon 02-Oct-17 22:44:32

When the house is sold DCs want a more 50/50 arrangement, but it's not feasible atm in my tiny rental

JellyBean31 Thu 19-Oct-17 06:57:53

Any advice?? DS2 mentioned last night that his dad is looking to replace his car with a really expensive one. As we have submitted all financial information to the court, is he allowed??

JustMarriedAndLovingIt Thu 19-Oct-17 12:45:17

My husband is going through this with his ex wife although the figures are nowhere near as scary as these. However, she does want 70% of his income every month! He earns £25kpa. Totally ridiculous and whilst I am not worried about her getting the money she is demanding, it is stopping us buying a house as we need this clean break. She lives in cloud cuckoo land.

doodle01 Thu 19-Oct-17 12:54:29

Actuary 2k if 2 pensions
Balance with Valuer for property not estate agents
Sol feed 10k
It will all come together rapidly in the end
Court just costs everyone more

HeebieJeebies456 Thu 19-Oct-17 23:06:11

When the house is sold DCs want a more 50/50 arrangement

Err......they're adults!
YOU waited until they were 'old enough' before starting divorce proceedings fgs!

How about they start planning on moving out?
Other than staying for uni holidays etc they shouldn't be looking to live with either parent on a longterm basis.

Be3Al2Si6O18 Thu 19-Oct-17 23:52:41

This post has been hidden until the MNHQ team can have a look at it.

Dowser Thu 19-Oct-17 23:59:49

Our divorce cost me £7,500 and I reckon his cost £10,000.
I dreaded those letters arriving from the solicitor and the bills.
Mine was pretty much pay as you go.. I probably was billed every month , I honestly can't remember.

This was In 2008
To be honest, I didn't really help things as I just couldn't cope and would ignore letters till the solicitor wrote me another one.
It was so stressful.. I probably bumped the costs up without realising.
My solicitor wanted a clean break.
He thought he was going to have to pay maintainance so he thought he would call the shots and say that when I reached 60 ( after 6 years) I could downsize and he would get third of the house.
Well that was never going to happen.
I got the house as he had somewhere to live Ie with his ow
He got his £30,000 debt
Anyway won't go in to too much detail here but when I totted it up I got about 72 per cent and he got about 28

He'd lied all the way through the divorce and financials.
He thought he could cheat the system but he couldn't.

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