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I just want to moan about selfish DH

(203 Posts)
N0RA Sun 01-Oct-17 09:51:34

I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself and want to talk to someone who will understand.

I know DH is completely selfish and our marriage is dead but some things just bring it home.

Last night we were all out playing in a local sports event - me DH and three kids - 12,14 and 16. It's very unusual for him to come out with us, the last time we did this was several years ago.

Unfortunately another person ran into me , knocked me over and I and split my head open. I had to be carried off amid much drama and blood and my kids were really scared.

DH behaved ok at the event, the first aiders told him to take to me to hospital and he agreed to do so. The most important thing in his life is looking good to strangers so he never acts up in front of people.

BTW Home, hospital and sports venue are all about two miles apart ( this is relevant ) .

He fetched the car without complaining ( in front of the staff) and brought it round as I couldn't walk very well and the first aid people put me in it. However as soon as I got in I could tell he was really cross.

He's very passive agressive, he doesn't argue usually, just does things wrong or " forgets " .

He was annoyed and obviously wanted to go home first so I could get my own car and drive myself to the hospital, so he didn't have to come for me later. So he " forgot " and took the route home so I had to "remind " him to go to the hospital, because I wasn't nearly well enough to drive.

Then he got " confused " about how to find the A&E department - it's a small well signposted modern hospital which he's been to dozens of time . So I knew he was really angry.

DH was just going to drop me on my own but 16yo wanted to come with me as all the children were worried. So that was fine.

DH wanted to leave me at the drop off area but 16yo couldnt manage to push me in the A&E wheelchair so he had to push me in ( she didn't realise you have to pull and not push ) .

Then he was annoyed that he had to check me in at the desk because I was too confused and bleeding everywhere from my head. On reflection I realise he could have asked DD to do this, but the receptionist was asking him and not her ( unsurprisingly I guess as she's a teenager and he's a grown man ) . So he gave them my wrong date of birth and address and they couldn't find me on their system.

He does all these things as part of punishing me for inconveniencing him, when in fact all it did was delay him even longer - it took him 10 mins when it could have taken 5. But if you pointed that out to him he would become even more angry.

So as soon as they found my details he left and took the other kids home.

Everything was fine in A&E, I got seen immediately and treated relatively quickly ( given that it wasn't serious ) and sent home about midnight.

However DH was obviously annoyed at having to come and collect us so he had let his phone go flat ( hes obsessed by his phone, he NEVER lets it run out of power) andhe didn't answer the house phone as he was busy ( watching TV).

I knew there was no chance of a taxi for hours at closing time on a Saturday night. We Started to walk home as it's only a couple of miles and I was feeling much less shaky by then and we ( me and DD ) are both pretty fit. But DD was upset so , unknown to me, she texted her younger brother on his mobile to get dad to come for us. So we had only walked about 1/4 mile when he arrived, very cross.

He's very resentful at having been thwarted so I know he will take it out on me and the kids . He will feel that I have backed him into a corner by forcing him to come out late at night to pick us up.

And today he's even more pissed off because I've not to drive for 24 hours and he has to take the kids to their usual activities.

He's especially annoyed it it's the Grand Prix which he always watches.

I'm sitting in bed feeling sorry for myself worrying about how he's going to take it out on me today. My guess is that he'll take the children late to their events ( his usual if he's asked to do anything) and he'll punish me later for sure.

He's pretty shit really isn't he? It looks worse now I've written it all down.

Cakescakescakes Sun 01-Oct-17 09:55:17

That sounds horrific. You can't live like this.

LegoCaltrops Sun 01-Oct-17 09:55:43

Wow. He sounds horrible, to you and the children. What are your plans for getting out?

bottlesandcans Sun 01-Oct-17 09:57:37

So leave him.
You're allowing your DC to live with an abusive man.

chipsandpeas Sun 01-Oct-17 09:58:00

leave now

KarateKitten Sun 01-Oct-17 09:59:13

You have to get out! Make plans. Don't let your kids think this is how adult males behave. Is there anything anyone here can advise you on?

Ellisandra Sun 01-Oct-17 10:02:32

You know some people stay together "for the kids"? The only "good" thing about your children being witness to this nasty abusive man's behaviour, is they are going to understand when you tell them you are divorcing him flowers
In fact, I suspect they talk amongst themselves wondering why you haven't already. Probably wishing you would, because they love.
If it was a simple as leaving, I'd just say leave. But it obviously isn't for you to still be putting up with this awful man. Please please please talk to Women's Aid.

I really hope that this is the straw that broke the camel's back, and you make this the reason you leave.

Whisky2014 Sun 01-Oct-17 10:03:01

What the fuck? This is he worst thing I've read on here. You need to get rid of this horrible man. Stand up for yourself.
Why would he want to punish his injured wife? You hardly wanted this to happen. Why is he wanting to punish his children? Why wouldn't he want to take care of his injured wife? Why are you with him?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Sun 01-Oct-17 10:04:00

Your dh doesn't love you. He doesn't even like you. I'm so sorrysad

On the positive side it was when I accepted that my dh didn't like me ( similar circumstances to yours) that I filed for divorce and my life improved

HerOtherHalf Sun 01-Oct-17 10:04:55

He's pretty shit really isn't he?

That is a massive understatement. You had a serious head injury, were bleeding and could barely walk. Any random complete stranger would have shown you more care and compassion than he did. You and your children deserve better than this.

tribpot Sun 01-Oct-17 10:06:23

It looks worse now I've written it all down.
It looks worse because it is worse, and by writing it all down you're not able to use your usual coping mechanisms of minimising and (I would guess) finding ways to blame yourself. It's unclear from your post whether you actually think you did force him to come and get you or that's just what he'll accuse you of.

Your DD must know he gave the wrong date of birth and address on purpose. He wanted you to drive yourself to hospital with a head injury so as to minimise the inconvenience to himself, and she must be aware of that too.

You could have died driving yourself to hospital and clearly he couldn't give a rat's arse. Your head injury could have been extremely serious (think about poor Natasha Richardson) and he couldn't give a rat's arse.

I think you literally would be better off alone - as no doubt at the venue they would have called an ambulance for you if they didn't think there was a so-called responsible adult with you to take you to A&E. I mean a normal person wouldn't treat a complete stranger like this, never mind their wife and mother of their children.

Shortfatandangry Sun 01-Oct-17 10:07:26

What her said...
Your H is a pathetic excuse for a human being. I'm so sorry he treated you like that, that's an utterly disgusting way to treat someone much less your DW. I hope you feel better now flowers

greendale17 Sun 01-Oct-17 10:07:44

"Your dh doesn't love you. He doesn't even like you".

^This. Please leave him.

PinkyBlunder Sun 01-Oct-17 10:10:02

He's an abuser. My father was very similar to this and my childhood was wrecked. LTB and take the kids now.

bastardkitty Sun 01-Oct-17 10:10:05

Your husband is an insufferable cunt. You and your children deserve so much better. His actions were vile. Are you planning to leave him? How can you cope with being treated like this? From experience, passive-aggressive rage is the most corrosive and soul-destroying thing to deal with. Poor you and your poor head flowers

newmumFeb17 Sun 01-Oct-17 10:11:41

My heart was pounding reading this. He sounds just like my Dad. My mum never left and he eventually walked out when I was in my early twenties for another woman. We have been NC ever since and it has made my life so much easier.

Please please leave him. First time I've ever said his on here.

flowersflowers

IrritatedUser1960 Sun 01-Oct-17 10:12:58

What the fuck are you doing with this man. Go to a lawyer and screw him for everything you can get!!!!

SeraphinaDombegh Sun 01-Oct-17 10:13:25

Fuck me, this is one of the saddest posts I've ever read on MN, and I've read a few. Your husband is a nasty, spiteful, bullying, abusive, terrible person. Why on earth are you still together? Having him around sounds bad not just for you but for your children too. Please show them that they don't have to settle for being treated the way he treats you. Please, please leave him. You deserve far better than this flowers

mumof06darlings Sun 01-Oct-17 10:16:44

I know you only came on here for a moan but please know you deserve so much better. Don't think you don't, because you do deserve so much better and please just always think of that. 💐

Wellonlyifihavetoo Sun 01-Oct-17 10:18:55

Sounds a complete and utter arsehole.
Please Ltb flowers

cheeseandpineapple Sun 01-Oct-17 10:19:49

This man is endangering your life.

What's holding you back from ending the relationship?

pudding21 Sun 01-Oct-17 10:19:49

Sounds like something my ex would have done. I plucked up the courage to leave eventually. Take care of yourself. You're kids will already understand for sure.

LuxuryWoman2017 Sun 01-Oct-17 10:20:10

I recognise some of what you say, the bits about 'pretending' to take wrong directions and give wrong dates. My ex was like this, would 'forget' I'd said we need to pop into the shop/school/parents house and then get angry and kind of flustered and aggressive.

It was exhausting and plain weird really, that with lots of other selfish, crap behaviour led me to leave recently and oh, how my life has improved, I just can't tell you.

Sandycarrots Sun 01-Oct-17 10:20:37

Bloody hell op. I'm not usually one to say ltb but his behaviour is despicable. Can you use this situation as a catalyst to start getting important documents and your financial matters in order? You shouldn't be sitting in bed dreading his punishment. You deserve so much better flowers

BigApple11 Sun 01-Oct-17 10:22:09

This post is so sad OP! Please leave him. You deserve so much more.

Also:

Your husband is an insufferable cunt.

This

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