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how do I help my mum

(18 Posts)
littleperson123 Sat 30-Sep-17 10:28:23

My mum had been married to my dad for nearly 40 years. They have lived in the same house for almost all of that time.
My dad was married twice before my mum. He now has cancer and my mum is worried what will happen to the property when he dies as that is now being discussed. He s being quite nasty to her (he's a very abusive man and I really don't like that she's stayed with him but that's her choice)
He's saying that the house is in his name and he won't put her name on the property (he owns it outright). She's now panicking that when he dies his ex wives will make a claim and his other children as well on the property.
Can this happen after 35+ years of marriage? My mum has never worked as my dad never let her and she has nothing without the house . It's not worth a lot of money but she hasn't anything else so she's really getting upset about it all.
Can I do anything to help or does she not need to worry.

loveyoutothemoon Sat 30-Sep-17 13:25:31

Surely it will go to her as she's the one married to him and lives there?

fannythrobbing Sat 30-Sep-17 14:28:32

Does your dad have a will? What does that say?
If he doesn't have a will and won't write one before he dies he will die intestate - I believe (though I'm no expert) that married partners inherit property in this instance.
I'm not sure if this process can be contested as it can if there's a will so unable to answer if his other children can make a claim (though they would have to provide evidence to back up their claims).
If he has a will the executors will dole the estate out in accordance with his wishes.
This article may help regarding having no will:

RandomMess Sat 30-Sep-17 14:38:46

Even with a will he can only give his 50% away. They are married it's a marital asset it's 50% hers.

littleperson123 Sat 30-Sep-17 19:50:49

Thank you. He wrote a will 7 years ago but no one knows what's on it he has 5 children 2 with my mum. He won't tell her anything about what's on it. He's threatened her through her whole marriage constantly. He says he will leave her with nothing. She's never been allowed a job. If she dared he would probably just beat her up. I've tried in vain to get her out but in the end she chooses to stay.
50% would not buy another property but it's good to know he can't leave her with nothing at all.

NotTheFordType Sat 30-Sep-17 19:58:27

Not a legal opinion, but can I suggest you smash the cunt in the face visit a local family solicitor with your mum so that you can help her prepare for what's likely to happen after the cunt your dad passes?

littleperson123 Sat 30-Sep-17 20:14:48

Thanks I have literally begged her to go to a solicitor with me but she keeps making excuses. She's terrified of him and I think that's why.
Wish I could do your crossed through suggestion but unfortunately I just avoid him now. I really don't like him at all. I know it's an awful thing to say but cancers been a blessing in disguise, as he gets weaker he's no longer able to get my mum how he used to and she's able to run away from him now as well. I just don't want to see her end up homeless to be honest.

RandomMess Sat 30-Sep-17 20:41:47

The in-laws had a bit of a strange one which is similar. They have inherited half the house, the other (step) parent doesn't have life interest of living in it, they won't move out voluntarily! The solicitor or barrister has said they would have to take said person to court to move out etc. Also I think that the judge will probably still give them a long time in which to do so...

Also remember wills can be contested. Don't know much about it but she and probably you could contest it on the grounds that his long term spouse hasn't been adequately provided for? You could probably speak to a solicitor yourself for some more information.

MarlowWills advertises on here and is lovely - she may be able to help or tell you what sort of solicitor to speak to.

Your poor Mum flowers

Santawontbelong Sat 30-Sep-17 20:43:40

Maybe a solicitor could see her at your home and use your address for correspondence? Maybe she is worried he finds out and goes mad. .

littleperson123 Sat 30-Sep-17 23:36:46

Thanks that's true. He hasn't provided for her. She literally has nothing. Me and my sister give her all of her clothes and provide for everything we can.
We have offered her a place to live temporarily but neither of us could permanently have her so are worried that she'll end up homeless and she's also incredibly attached to the property even though it's a compete dump and doesn't even have heating and she literally boils a kettle to do the washing up for hot water! She has to come to my house in the winter to keep warm while he's down the pub. She would never be able to buy another property anywhere close to where she lives because the one she's in is worth so much less as it's been left in the same way it was bought in over 40 years ago.
It's difficult because she won't be proactive about anything because she's in such a panic but cries all day about it.
I will suggest a solicitor at my house and yes I've offered my address so she doesn't have to give hers.

FizzyGreenWater Sun 01-Oct-17 10:17:00

If I were you I would go and see a solicitor yourself for some advice.

You can outline the situation as described here- no need for details.

Hopefully you can then reassure your mum - I suspect the solicitor might suggest a charge on the property? Tell them about the abuse- there could be a valid case for disputing any will on the grounds that it should be completely jointly owned and come other but she was defrauded due to his abuse.

Either way it might allow you to come up with a plan. Eg find out how long before his death you'd have to register a charge on the property. You can then be ready to proceed with that as soon as he gets near the end.


FizzyGreenWater Sun 01-Oct-17 10:19:16

Details of her name and address I mean-obviously you'd have to give info on how house is owned, how long married etc.

Also, she lives there. With her in situ and owning half by marriage before she even starts contesting the will, there's no way anyone is going to get her out easily. Especially with him dead and you defending her.

Bananmanfan Sun 01-Oct-17 10:23:49

Your mum can put a charge on the property with the Land Registry under the family law act 1996. You could talk to a solicitor about this.

Bananmanfan Sun 01-Oct-17 10:24:14

Sorry x posted.

RustyLeaf Sun 01-Oct-17 11:13:40

Agree. You go and see a solicitor OP. Your mother sounds like she's not really able, and its unlikely she's going to change in this stressful time. Hopefully, then, you will be able to reassure her.

fannythrobbing Mon 06-Nov-17 10:09:04

Just checking in to see how your mum is doing OP?

notapizzaeater Mon 06-Nov-17 10:15:36

Has your mum claimed her own pension (to get some of her own money ?)

K0729P Tue 07-Nov-17 11:39:16

This is awful. Your mum needs to visit a solicitor and seek a divorce.

Settlement will make sure she is taken care of and she won't need to worry about dealing with it when he passes.

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