I have heard this saying quite a bit on this forum over the past few days so thought I might start a thread on it, even if it is just my own ramblings and a journal for myself.
A bit about me: I have been with DH for 15 years, married for 9 and we have 2 children, aged 7 and 6. I actually can't remember a time when I was last happy with OH. Struggling and chaos just seem to be a way of life for us. A few years ago I asked OH when he was last truly happy and he didn't even mention the birth of our kids, he mentioned a time 10 years ago when he had taken 2 years out of work to study something he is passionate about (that he did nothing with in the end).
Life is so joyless with him. He is negative, mean, aggressive and uptight. He suffers from anxiety and has taken meds in the past but won't go back on them again as they made no difference to his moods. He has such anger issues.
Anyway - I am just at the beginning of trying to get my ducks in a row. I think it will probably take about a year to learn to drive, get a better, more secure job, clear our debts and go to counselling and build up the courage myself. In the meantime, I am going to try and keep a journal to remind myself of the bad times (as I tend to block them out).
I'd be really interested in chatting to anyone who is in a similar position. I am struggling with guilt at the moment, the fact I am doing this under the radar. But I am also angry with him, and his moods and his constant calling me an a*hole or c*t in front of the kids. We were having a row a few weeks ago and he tried to trip me up in the bathroom (didn't succeed). That isn't love.
I am also feeling guilty that I have been messaging an ex and let myself feel something for them. Nothing happened and I turned down his suggestion to meet up. But I'm angry with myself for being vulnerable and even considering it. I don't even recognise that person and thankfully common sense prevailed.
Last night I cleaned the kitchen and OH was making supper and messed up part of the kitchen (and was leaving it there). I just said can you clean that up I've just tidied it (I was a bit snappy) and he just called me an a**hole in front of the kids. I just feel so bad for them.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Ducks in a row thread
Sadlady77 · 29/09/2017 10:54
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