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How to make initial contact with a possible biological father

(7 Posts)
Goandplay Thu 28-Sep-17 23:03:25

Or leave alone.

Background, bio mother is quite a toxic woman. Over the years I've had a story if the man being a local neighbour who didn't want anything to do with the baby (me) but as I Got older that's started to feel untrue especially when asking for a name.

In recent years discussions with her sisters have come up with a possible name of a man who was around at conception.

Chatting to DP tonight we've found this person on Facebook.

Now... he quite possibly isn't the man. But he could be.

The Mothet in this situation is very toxic and quite likely you'd be glad to never hear of her again.

What do I do?

Already in the couple of hours since looking on Facebook and it being just something interesting it's become ilthis thing where I don't feel 'special' enough for someone to want to know. All these feelings and I don't even know if it's him!

Goandplay Thu 28-Sep-17 23:05:01

Sorry for typos.

Sitting in the dark typing on a low battery.

What would you do? Or did you do?

cherrycola2004 Thu 28-Sep-17 23:49:27

I can’t see any harm in sending this person a message.

holdthewine Fri 29-Sep-17 01:32:26

I would approach with caution. Your local
Social services department may be prepared to approach him on your behalf or, if you can afford to, there are professional intermediaries who you can pay. These days a DNA test can establish the truth.

I approached my birth father using an intermediary through a charity but that has now closed. It's best for both parties to have a layer between you (the intermediary) it protects you both.

My birth father knew I'd been born (I wasn't sure) so didn't deny it. Anyway I look astonishingly like a half sister.

Temporary2002 Fri 29-Sep-17 02:16:48

Well, you could search for clues on his social media, do you resemble any of his family members? I personally would start by doing a DNA test at ancestry, and if possible, your mom should do one as well. Then once you get your matches you may be lucky and match with a close relative from his side. Or a half sibling. If your mum does one too, it will make it easier to divide your dna matches to her side and unknown father's side. I am helping a woman do this currently, her mother doesn't really remember what her bio father's name. There is a great facebook group called DNA Detectives, you could join if you decide going the dna route, for guidance & advice.
Good luck.

Temporary2002 Fri 29-Sep-17 02:21:15

Here is DNA Detectives website and on facebook just search for a group named DNA Detectives.
Hope that helps.

Temporary2002 Mon 16-Oct-17 08:22:02

Goandplay , how are you, and how is your situation regarding bio father? I hope good things are in the works!smile

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