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Husband spying on me

(134 Posts)
Crazycake Thu 28-Sep-17 11:06:24

Dh has been asking every day this week if there's been any parcels in the post, when I've asked what he's waiting for he's been very aloof. I went on the laptop yesterday (shared computer) and he'd sent an email to amazon asking where his parcel was. I have never had a reason to snoop but something didn't sit right. I put the link into the search bar in google and he's ordered what looks like a USB stick but it's a motion detector spy cam with sound. I don't know what to do!

Noodles4Me Thu 28-Sep-17 11:14:33

Intercept the parcel when it comes. And take your laptop to a computer place to see if there are existing spy ware on your laptop.

ChuffMuffin Thu 28-Sep-17 11:15:44

Ask him what he's ordered a motion detector spy cam with sound for. Let him know that you know what he's up to. If he accuses you of snooping on him (rich since he's the one that ordered a spy cam) tell him that he left the email open on the laptop.

gibdib Thu 28-Sep-17 11:16:58

Ask him!

ChuffMuffin Thu 28-Sep-17 11:17:24

Also run a free online virus scan to make sure he's not already installed something on your computer. Can you check his previous purchases on Amazon to make sure he's not bought any other spy stuff?

solsbury Thu 28-Sep-17 11:44:27

Does he have form for this sort of behavior?

Crazycake Thu 28-Sep-17 12:24:28

Ive caught him looking through my phone occasionally but nothing like this. He knows all of my passwords, I have nothing to hide.

ShotsFired Thu 28-Sep-17 12:29:08

@Crazycake Ive caught him looking through my phone occasionally but nothing like this. He knows all of my passwords, I have nothing to hide.

angry Was that the line he fed you to get you to hand them over?
Regardless of not whether you have "anything to hide", everyone is entitled to privacy without needing a reason.

I know my OH's laptop PIN as I have seen him key it in, but I wouldn't dream of accessing his laptop behind his back. He has a right to his own business, however trivial or "clean" they are.

ShotsFired Thu 28-Sep-17 12:31:14

In my ire at the "Nothign to hide" line, I didn't evem comment on the bit about him looking through yur phone

He needs to get to fuck with that sort of behaviour. Add that to the spycam and you have redflags popping up quicker than you can say "run for the hills!"

If this behaviour is all so fine, I assume you frequently snoop through his phone and have all his passwords too?

No, didn't think so.

Loopylind Thu 28-Sep-17 12:33:36

Could it be for work? Just throwing that in there.

Herbcake Thu 28-Sep-17 12:37:52

If he's planning to use it to spy on you, he's a bit thick to keep asking you about parcels.

Loopylind Thu 28-Sep-17 12:39:45

I would add that anyone spying will always hear or see what they want to no matter how or why it’s done.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 28-Sep-17 12:40:40

I wouldn't imagine this is the only controlling and abusive behaviour he has shown.
Do you have DC together?
Do you work out of the home?
I wonder what he's hoping to catch you doing?
Also do check that the laptop and your phone don't have spyware on them.
This would be a complete deal breaker for me.
Is it definitely to spy on you?
Does he run his own business and maybe hoping to catch a thief or something?
<clutches at straws>

Crazycake Thu 28-Sep-17 12:40:50

I know his passwords but never felt the need to snoop. It can't be for work, he'd have no use for it there, I work from home.

mymorningbeautyroutine Thu 28-Sep-17 12:41:17

Ive caught him looking through my phone occasionally but nothing like this. He knows all of my passwords, I have nothing to hide.

Doesn't matter whether you have nothing to hide or a cupboard full of skeletons, there's no excuse for looking through your phone/private files/texts.

ShotsFired Thu 28-Sep-17 12:42:47

@Crazycake I know his passwords but never felt the need to snoop

I bet you a pound to a penny they are not the passwords you thought they were anymore.

Can you honestly not see how dangerous his actions are?

RatRolyPoly Thu 28-Sep-17 12:43:05

Weird, what is he expecting to tell you is in the parcel when it DOES arrive?? It's not like he's gone the whole hog and has hidden the fact he's getting a parcel, but I'd find it super odd if dp got a parcel but outright refused to tell me what was in it!

Whatever the details this doesn't look good, but unless he's prepared to tell you I think you'll be lucky get the answers you're looking for. I guess you could forget about it for now, wait til it arrives then - knowing what it is - see if you spot it lurking around the house in the future... But if you're going to do that you've got to wonder what sort of relationship you've got anyway.

ShotsFired Thu 28-Sep-17 12:43:29

What do you think he'll say when he reads this thread?

Loopylind Thu 28-Sep-17 12:45:14

Try some of these tips

Although it might just spiral out of control! I suppose best and quickness route is to ask him.

HarmlessChap Thu 28-Sep-17 12:49:27

It's not uncommon to see posts on here making suggestions to suspicious partners to invest in equipment to track and monitor their OH, so cleraly this kind thing happens.

Assuming your OH has no basis to suspect you are cheating and that the device is intended to monitor you, then either its an issue of control or insecurity, the latter is possibly easier to accept than the former but borh are his problem and something he needs to reign in. If he is unwilling to modify I guess you need to decide if you are happy to live constantly wondering if you are being monitored.

TiesThatBindMe Thu 28-Sep-17 12:56:43

How does it work? Would he need to plug into laptop?

UserThenLotsOfNumbers Thu 28-Sep-17 12:56:49

He's a bit of a rubbish spy though for leaving evidence where you can find it?
But seriously this is weird.

Shoxfordian Thu 28-Sep-17 13:02:00

He bought a camera to spy on you?!

Is he usually so controlling?

Crazycake Thu 28-Sep-17 13:59:38

I don't understand though, he's not controlling normally. I can go out, I have friends. He can be like a closed book emotionally sometimes but tells me he loves me all the time as do I him. We've been together 10 years, we have children.

SparklingRaspberry Thu 28-Sep-17 14:05:10

I wouldn't say anything to him yet

Wait until the parcel arrives and once he's home ask what it was.

If he lies then you can outright tell him you know exactly what it is, and the fact he would've lied about it proves what he was gunna be using it for! (Spying on you)

The thing is there could be a genuine reason. So far he hasn't done anything wrong. If you ask him what the parcel was and he tells you exactly what it is, then you ask why he needs it etc

But until he hides it or lies about it, he's not done anything which is why I'd hold back from confronting him.
I don't tell my partner what all my parcels are. I ordered something similar as I had suspicions about our neighbour. If my partner had seen my email he may have thought I was buying it to spy on him. When my parcel arrived I showed and told him.

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