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help please

(6 Posts)
mummy2630 Wed 27-Sep-17 14:43:01

someone please help me I'm really stressed my ex husband well we're still ride but seperated as he was angry and violent towards me so I left him. we have two kid together. he' keeps stringing me along telling me he loves me one min nd them abusing me the next. I'm really stupid but I keep falling for it like he's got me trapped in some box that I'm truggling to get out of. he's drilled his elf into my head and it's as if he cots my mod at some points when I'm thinking to myself I'm a waste of space and worthless and no one else will want me becasue I've heard this from him for so long.
He's now threatening to take my kids away from me and he's saying he will divorce me but he's making it out as if I'm Harrassing him if I call him.....which I'm not. But if someone tells u one min they love u and jump into bed with u.....manipulate u to jump into bed with them and then tell them u want nothing to do with them.....obviously I have questions I need answered as to why he's used me.....but still I don't call him stupidly and whenever we do talk I ask him and to avoid it he says stop Harrassing me I will report u. I don't know what to do.....he's been violent and I've taken it and not reported it out of fear nd stupidity I guess thinking he will.chamge and I shouldn't do this to him....but instead now he's taking advantage of my kindness and niaevity and making it out is if I'm violent and Harrassing him. He tries to get me angry and wind me up to say things and he records me.and then tells me he will.use it against me....he tries to say I'm bipolar.and mental...
Which I'm not......I just don't know what to do. U take so much crap from man and then in the end this is what he does. He's trying to make me out to be a mess and that I blackmail him.that if he leaves me I won't let him see the kids when he sees kids whenever he wants and I've never stopped him. It's just like he's trying to make me out to be so.thing I'm not and I'm. Scared that becasue I never reported he's abuse he will actually come out looking like the one in the right with he's false allegations.
I'm so stressed it's really hard for me I feel like I will have a anxiety attack...I feel used and dirty and like is this all in good for just for someone to use in bed and then that's it.......or when I'm slaving around for him and he's family.......I'm mother of he's children.......why can't he see that and stop torturing me?
Please.someome help me and tell me what I should do

jeaux90 Wed 27-Sep-17 14:47:17

He is conditioning you to accept his behaviour by being nice then being an asshole. You need to stay separated.

You also need to know he can't take your kids away.

You need to stop reacting to his messages and only respond to texts very calmly and matter of fact about logistics to do with the kids. It's called grey rock. Very useful when you are dealing with abusive assholes.

And you should report any abuse to the police.

He won't change. The asshole side of him is the real one.

mummy2630 Wed 27-Sep-17 16:23:14

Thank you so much for replying back to me. I know yuri right everyone has been telling me exactly this for the past year but I've been very stupid not to listen to them and instead listen to he's lies. It sounds really stupid but honestly I want to become strong and independant and get away from this mess but it's as if he is inside my head and controls me at times esp when I feel overwhelmed and stressed and panicky. He's fitted into my head that I'm nothing without him and no one will ever want me nd I will be alone all my life and that keeps replaying in my head. Even though I know it's not true and I'm even writing it down here feeling confident but then there's that few hours of the day or night when I'm alone and I start thinking and then start questions myself like will someone else want me? Is it me? Am I doing something wrong? I've tried to think where I can change and better myself and tried it but it does not work and it must be because he is the problem and the one who needs to change.
I keep thinking he will turn into the sweet loving guy he once way and shows me glimpses of at time becasue when he's nice he is sooooo nice it's out of this world nice.....but it never ever lasts and this horrible side always takes its toll a few weeks down the line. I pray so hard to become strong and try to leep myself busy and strong and it works for a few days but as soon as I'm alone and have time to think I think stupid things.

SandyY2K Wed 27-Sep-17 16:32:02

You could do with seeking counselling. It will help you in gaining some self awareness and hopefully understand why you accept this.

jeaux90 Wed 27-Sep-17 17:23:37

He was never the sweet loving guy. He was always the asshole. The sweet guy is an act designed to reel you back in.

Even if you end up alone believe me, being alone is way better than being in an abusive relationship.

Sandy is right some counselling will help you work out why you accept being abused

Read the listen up thread.

mummy2630 Tue 10-Oct-17 16:30:08

I needed to ask about my children........if he has hit me in front of the children but he's never hit our I need to protect my children? He has court order to see them, should I stop it or change the order? He's never been violent woth the kids and is really good them so I don't know what I should do

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