I love my DP very much. I'm 30s, he's 40s. We've been together for nearly five years, no children.
He suffers from clinical depression on and off. His family are very negative people and he seems to have been raised to have an extremely cynical view of the world, which makes me sad. I wish I could inject some magic into him.
He is kind and has a good heart. He'd do anything for anyone. We aren't well off, but sometimes, when we have been on our way out to dinner or a pub, he has walked past a homeless person and given them £100 or whatever he had in his pockets and offered to book them into a hotel.
He currently seems to be going through another bout of depression and is taking ADs as well as seeking help through the NHS. The thing is, nothing is ever right. I try to support him emotionally, as well as with his work and interests and dreams, but he says that he feels he is just a 'suppprting role' in my life. He wasn't ready to buy a house together or get married a year or so ago (he has his own properties) so I bought my own flat. He isn't happy with this arrangement and says that he feels like a 'paying guest' and says he wants a garden, that he misses having a garden. I found us an allotment but I don't think it's the same. He says that he feels he's just 'going along with things' but I involve him in everything I can and always try to find a compromise we agree on. Except six months down the line, he'll then say that actually he wasn't happy with that and it wasn't really what he wanted to do.
It's been like this throughout our whole relationship and I find myself wondering what I could do to ever make him happy. Sometimes he talks about children and thinks they will make him happy, but he doesn't seem to realise that I don't feel secure enough with him for us to start a family. He thinks I don't want children. Actually, he seems to blame me for a lot of his unhappiness in some form or another.
I've suggested we break up several times but he says he doesn't want that, that we need to work on things. I used to think it was me and that I was the problem but as time goes on, I wonder if he is just not able to be truly happy with anyone under any circumstances.
I don't know if he really loves me, though he claims to and he is very good to me. I want him to be enthusiastic about me and about us and our lives together, not down in the mouth about it all. Sometimes we have such fun and adventures, but this seems to be increasingly far and few between.
This morning I suggested again that we break up but he just looked very sad and said he didn't want that, that we had to work on things. He asked me if I wanted him to 'go away', like he'd done something bad.
I love him and can't imagine a life without him, but I also can't imagine plodding on in this Eeyore fashion where everything is just 'ok' for the rest of my life.
I don't know what to do. I just want him to be happy, whether it's with or without me.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I love him but he's never happy
PressForPancakes · 26/09/2017 11:01
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