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Husband is too loud

(72 Posts)
earplugsandchocolate Mon 25-Sep-17 18:58:45

I never noticed just how loud DH is until DC came along. He couldn't speak quietly during bedtimes, would turn on bright lights after I'd asked him to keep lighting low during night feeds. A Complete novice when it came to creating a calm, quiet atmosphere for both baby and myself.
Fast forward 5 years and its really getting me down. DH has such a loud voice, I find myself trying to get away from him when in the house, he bangs and crashes everything, even shouts when he whispers! Will shout through rooms when I'm on the loo to ask a question etc, will turn on bright lights and leave them on even when he's left the room. I like calm in my house, particularly in the mornings and before bed, but it's proving a contstand stress for me to get DH to just quieten down a bit.
We have talked about having another child, but I'm genuinely concerned about DH'S lack of calm and quiet which will no doubt contribute to any mental health problems I have once baby is born. It drove me to tears last time.
His whole body movements are loud and brash even. When he turns over in bed, he will do it so abruptly and forcefully, I often jump in my sleep and wake in a startle. I think I am very sensitive from a sensory point of view, which I know is not helping.
I love DH, bit this grates on me hugely and is starting to become a big turn off.

earplugsandchocolate Mon 25-Sep-17 19:03:29

Just to add that I've tried playing calming music in the house to bring DH to a reasonable volume and to create calm, but he merely shouts or even sings over it, which makes me turn it off as it's just extra noise to contend with. I've tried speaking almost in a whisper to bring DH'S volume down to my own (a trick my teacher friend taught me) and it failed miserly although works with DC! I've tried to be more resilient myself but who am I fooling. I am out of ideas.

Borttagen Mon 25-Sep-17 19:03:54

Wow I can completely relate to this, with my husband it's the way he walks that is the worst. He stamps everywhere. For my second and third kids I made him sleep in a different room, partly for the noise but partly for the unwanted opinions re feeds.
My youngest is almost 3 and almost finished with naps so it's getting easier but still frustrates me.
He gets a lie in on the weekend but the rare occasion I do there is so much noise from both him and the kids it's just not worth it. he will have the kids use the bathroom adjoining the room I'm in and have the door open and they'll be shouting or talking loudly with no sense of trying to be quiet at all.
I find it really inconsiderate.

Ploppie4 Mon 25-Sep-17 19:08:55

I would remove some light bulbs. Also simply ignore him if too loud and say you don't respond to shouty voice

SandyY2K Mon 25-Sep-17 19:09:19

Any chance he has a hearing problem.

Viserion Mon 25-Sep-17 19:16:14

Are you me? My DH is the same. And wonders why our sons are so loud all the time.
He cannot shut a door quietly. He sings loudly and out of tune , shouts from one room to the next instead of walking through, is heavy footed. He also does the throwing himself over at night so I get jolted awake.

He also has zero awareness of people moving around him or no peripheral vision or something. For example, if I am in the kitchen and someone approaches wanting to get a cup from a cupboard, I will instinctively move aside. He always has to be asked.

garmsfresh Mon 25-Sep-17 19:19:06

Can you record him and show him ! I also think he may have a hearing problem. That would do me in I hate loud people.

earplugsandchocolate Mon 25-Sep-17 19:30:33

Viserion YES! This also! DH also has to ask to be moved when standing in the way of a cupboard etc. Exactly the same! The amount of times I have tripped over his feet that are sprawled outwards across the lounge as I'm walking past too as he doesn't pull them in like any normal person! It drives me crazy!
Very slow reaction times too, like when the person infront in breaking sharply in the car. Seems to take an age for it to register. A complete lack of people awareness and self awareness.

Chottie Mon 25-Sep-17 19:34:13

My DH has to be asked to move from in front of cupboards too......

Landy10 Mon 25-Sep-17 19:40:41

I also have a VERY loud voice husband and it's annoying! Much more so post children! I go on about it all the time and he just says "I had a hearing problem as a child". It's so boring listening to that! He says the same for having to watch the tv really loud even though our son's bedroom is directly above the lounge. The loud singing is the worst. I don't really have any advice, just joining in the moaning.

In the 10 months since the children came along the only improvement I've had is agreeing a number for the volume on the TV and if it's above that it's too loud BUT if he's watching it without me he ignores this agreement!

SandyY2K Mon 25-Sep-17 19:43:00

Does he have the TV on really loud ad well?

I'm identifying with a few things here. My DH isn't loud, but I can hear the TV on the third floor of our he's very tecky, so that includes surround sound. Feels like the house is vibrating at times.

PurpleBoot Mon 25-Sep-17 19:54:06

I can relate to this too. DH has a loud voice and is always on the phone, as he's very sociable, or it's work-related. When working from home, there's a constant racket from phone calls or the radio playing. Music or TV has to be on at all times. He also leaves lights on everywhere and likes the lighting really bright! I think it could be an introvert/extrovert thing, but I also definitely have a high sensory sensitivity. Over the years, it does seem to have toned down a bit, which is a relief!

butterfly56 Mon 25-Sep-17 19:58:04

Yes I can empathise with you over this. My ex was the same and he said that he thought he had ADHD but had never been diagnosed.
There was no such term for it back when he was a youngster.

BeachysFlipFlops Mon 25-Sep-17 20:05:25

Can I join the noisy husband gang? I also get a stream of consciousness coming from his brain to his mouth and out.....

We've had some stressful times recently and I've been seeing a counsellor and after explaining his constant noise and cleaning I suspect he may have elements of Aspergers.....

I'm not sure if there's any solution but he has very little awareness of how his noise affects the rest of us.

I get quite sad about it sometimes as I don't want to hide away in my own house sad

Itis6oclocksomewhere Mon 25-Sep-17 20:08:44

I have found my people!
Have nothing constructive to add, but my DH is so loud.
It’s like being being married to a younger version of Brian Blessed, but minus the beard!

Aquamarine1029 Mon 25-Sep-17 20:10:49

Have you talked about this with him directly, or have you just hoped he would pick up on your subtle hints?

DearTeddyRobinson Mon 25-Sep-17 20:15:00

Would he agree to having a hearing test? Sometimes DH gets very loud and he has to get busy with the old ear syringe, he gets really bad wax build up!

Viserion Mon 25-Sep-17 20:15:10

There is definitely an introvert/extrovert thing here.

And yes to the tripping over feet thing. They are always sticking out somewhere.

Wtfdoicare Mon 25-Sep-17 20:17:59

Mine swears under his breath but it is as loud as anyone else shouting, and gets much louder when he's had a few to drink. Both my DC are ridiculously loud too. It's painful.

earplugsandchocolate Mon 25-Sep-17 20:18:02

Don't think he is deaf, but my DH also likes to witter on with every minor detail that enters his head Beachy. I've also suspected Aspergers. We've had SO many conversations around this, but it makes very little difference as DH has so little self awareness. He's also a tapper. Can't sit still at all. I don't understand why some people just can't relax; it's so important to wellbeing isn't it, surely? !

Itsgoodforthegarden Mon 25-Sep-17 20:18:39

Sorry but this thread is making me laugh. Sort of. The whole of my DH's family are like this. Bloody nightmare! Just no personal awareness. Also DH is a big man, but the thing is that my Dad is big too and has always been quiet as a mouse! It's the snoring that's driving me completely round the bend these days... I've trained the kids to sleep through so now he snores like a fucking giant walrus after any alcoholic drink - which is quite a few times a week! hmm
He gets sent into the spare room after he's woken me up enough times in one night that I want to stab him in the eyes angryconfusedsad
The joys of married bliss....

Justgivemesomepeace Mon 25-Sep-17 20:24:34

My dd is like this. I don't know what you can do about it. It is stressful to be around. It will be all calm and quiet and then this manic huge laugh will blast out and I jump out of my skin. She is constantly singing at 200 decibels. She comes down the stairs like an elephant, crashes all the drawers in the kitchen, shouts down from the loft room if she wants me even when little brother is in bed. Music blasting in the car, slams on light switches, keeps me awake laughing her head off at crap on youtube, walk round a corner and she jumps out and roars in your face and then i scream. Drives me demented but i just cant shut her up. The manic laugh and constant singing is like torture.

Mustang27 Mon 25-Sep-17 20:38:10

I’m picturing the big bald guy from Corrie

Mustang27 Mon 25-Sep-17 20:41:08

Any way lol my oh is Aspergers and also a shouter, stomps about like he weighs 40st and never loves out of the way. He has no concept of anybody else. It’s not bloody great, I think he may end up under my patio one day. I can only sympathise.

SpaghettiAndMeatballs Mon 25-Sep-17 20:41:56

DP is like this, DS1 heading the same way, and I'm doing what I can for DS2, but am thinking it might happen too.

How can walking up stairs be quite so noisy? Do they not realise how loudly they're talking?

DS2 does realise the getting in the way thing (he's doing it on purpose though, wouldn't want to be last to anything) - DS1 and DP though, they have no idea, they're totally oblivious

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