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I'm not sure how much longer I can cope with this.

(10 Posts)
RedEyedBadger Mon 25-Sep-17 17:48:37

My DP has made mine and my 2 DDs lives intolerable for the past year and brought it to the point that we simply cannot carry on as a family.

I've asked him to move out (and have offered to cover the mortgage myself, even though he earns approx. 3 times my salary) so that our girls can remain in their home and have some stability, especially as it's GCSE year for eldest, but he refuses. I've thought about leaving with them, but as I'm in a vulnerable position financially I have been advised not to move out myself so we're stuck in a god awful stalemate. We'll have to sell, but will have to remain living together in the meantime and who know how long that could be for.

After 22 years of giving in, doing everything I can to keep the peace and avoid his moods I'm finding it difficult not to cave in so that things go back to 'normal', it's what I've always done, I just didn't realize it until recently. I can literally feel myself being manipulated as he tries to talk me round, I'm trying so hard to detach but I constantly feel physically sick with worry.

I don't even know what I'm asking, I just don't know how to keep going and needed to get it off my chest.

pog100 Mon 25-Sep-17 18:48:44

I didn't want to leave this unanswered but all I can see is that it is obvious that you are doing the right thing and please stick to your guns. You will be glad in the end, you need to get a better life away from him.
Good luck!!

Jessie1980 Mon 25-Sep-17 18:52:25

Hi redeyedbadger

I find myself in a similar situation but with two little ones. We have a big mortgage that there's no way I could afford myself, we are still together at the moment but I can't see that continuing much longer as I've just had enough of going round in circles. We always come back to the same place once he stops making any effort.

Best of luck to you!

LuckyBrightEyes Mon 25-Sep-17 19:04:35

Have you seen a solicitor?

RedEyedBadger Mon 25-Sep-17 20:04:34

Yes I've had legal advice, as has he. Unfortunately he seems to be ignoring it and as a consequence I'm struggling to see a way out without it turning nasty.

LuckyFortune Mon 25-Sep-17 20:28:12

So can you force a sale?

RedEyedBadger Thu 28-Sep-17 17:09:37

I won't need to force a sale, he will agree to sell I'm sure.

The problem is that it could take months to sell and move, and I don't believe it's in the best interests of our DDs to continue living in the same house as him in the meantime but he won't even consider doing what's best for them, just what's more convenient for him.

RatherBeRiding Thu 28-Sep-17 17:28:46

I know you've been advised not to move out, but would it be an option to move out to rented with your DDs and at the same time file for divorce, just to get the process moving?

If you say it's not in their best interests to remain in the same house as your H, then would that trump the legal advice not to move out?

Can you get a second legal opinion?

RedEyedBadger Thu 28-Sep-17 17:50:45

I'm thinking it might have to come to that sadly.

However as we're not married and I have allowed myself to end up in a very vulnerable position financially, moving out would effectively be handing him the opportunity to take everything. I could cope with that if it was just me, but I need to be able to provide for DDs.

Gilead Thu 28-Sep-17 18:08:58

Have you looked in to an Occupation Order?
You don't say what's going on, but if you are feeling vulnerable you can involve the police, even if there is no physical violence.

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