I just feel like I'm going in circles.
With two young DC and a DH who is in an intense job, as a SAHM who is studying PT, I should have no reason to be ungrateful for life, but I do.
On the outside to family and friends, DH is so great and amazing. I'm lucky to have a husband who provides for the house, he picks DC up from school and football as well as he is a great cook compared to my poor efforts.
But inside it's a struggle..I've battled depression on and off, he is addicted to all kind of awful stuff including alcohol. Tonight I have found a vodka bottle stashed behind DS bookshelf. I'm so mad that he could do this. He's always in denial, apparently he hasn't drunk in over a month and he is feeling stressed and overwhelmed with work and me constantly berating him. In terms of intimacy it's a joke, again he can't function or feel passionate with me as I'm too aggressive and moody. Often we have had arguments where both of us have had enough, tonight he said our relationship is hard and he drinks as I don't make him feel good. I must admit when I discovered the bottle, I did get angry and tell him he looked awful and bloated and that he was a poor role model to DC, I got silence to this apart from him commenting that I was fat and am not good at dieting and then ignored me as he said he couldn't handle me criticising him about this bottle discovery.
I just feel so unhappy, not depressed, just unhappy that there is no joy in our relationship. I really fear being on my own as I'm not working currently and financially and emotionally I'm confused as to where I stand. The trust issue for me is a huge problem as he lies about the drink and the websites, no one sees all this but me. I'm seen by everyone, even my own family as the bad one and that I should be more supportive to him working hard and having difficult tasks to tackle in his job. No one ever sees things from my perspective apart from him, but I'm unreasonable, moody and selfish. Even the DC think I'm awful to poor picked on DH.
I just don't know what to do.
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Relationships
On the edge of walking away
20 replies
Womadia28 · 25/09/2017 00:00
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