Does he want me to need him more?

[ExtraPineappleExtraHam]

'DP' has been really horrid since I've gone back to work after ML. We have two DC and it seems like the more I try to have it all, the more critical he becomes.
I work 27 hours per week and yet he's always saying that I have 'loads of days off' and that I don't do anything. Frankly this is laughable to anyone who knows me, as we have 2 under 3's and I take them here, there and everywhere despite not driving or having much money.
My typical day involves waking up, breastfeeding, getting both kids ready for nursery, taking them there, saying goodbye as they are wrenched, crying from my arms, working, doing house admin/food shopping at lunch, picking them up, cooking tea, bath, story, bed. I'm sure this is familiar to most of you. What I don't need to someone coming in and saying 'fish fingers again?' Or 'you could have put some washing on' or 'well if she hates nursery why do you make her go?'
I'm so angry at myself for putting up with it, as I was raised by a single mum and I know I could do it but could anyone shed some light on why he is being like this?
Surely it makes his life easier that I earn my own money, sort out all the admin, try to learn to drive, make sure his kids are stimulated and loved? Why do I feel like he wants me to fail?

[LoveforPGTipsMonkey]

did he want you to be SAHM? if he never even voiced that, or if he did bu it wouldn't be your choice, then he IS being horrid.

[LoveforPGTipsMonkey]

...and would he be able to earn for both of you without complaining, if if he did wasntr you to stay at home? both are valid choices but should be discussed and agreed on, obviously.

[FabulousUsername]

I don't think it's a financial thing. You sound like you're doing an amazing job. I'm sure I'm reading into this from my own past experience but subtly undermining you like this is a slippery slope towards an abusive, manipulative relationship. Of course he'd like to come home, put his feet up, have you treat him to a cocktail followed by a gourmet meal of his choosing while you listened to him talk about his day but instead he comes home to normal family life. Which he should be a part of. Does he think he's the 'king of the castle'?

He should be helping and you should be able to talk about your day, which may include talking about worries about leaving kids at nursery, without him shutting you down.

[Shayelle]

He sounds like a fucking arse. Tell him to do his own freeking washing!!

[Kr1s]

I think he's being like this because he wants to punish you for something. I'm guessing it's because he's not the centre of your universe anymore and he thinks he should be.

He sounds very unpleasant. If I were you I'd be wondering what I get out of the relationship.

[ems137]

He sounds a bit jealous to me. Of what exactly, I'm not sure? Maybe he has no idea of what you do on a daily basis so thinks it's easy? I know if my DH had to look after our children on his own for the day he would find it fairly easy because he wouldn't do any of the housework alongside the childcare. He'd literally sit on the sofa watching them okay with the telly on and phone in his hand!

[MiniTheMinx]

I would probably point out to him that if I have to do everything, nursery, work, house, cook, washing, bill paying, kiddie care, entertainment, I will no longer need him, he will be surplus to requirements. I would put him on trial and warn him that unless he makes himself useful that I'd be more than happy to have shared care post divorce, then he too can "do it all and have it all"

[Fishface77]

Maybe he wants you to calm the drama?
"Wrenched crying from my arms??"
Maybe you need to try to not do it all and pass back some of the responsibility.
Sounds useless.
To be honest sometimes it is easier being a single parent.

[Movingon1611]

My exh was always very critical of me working- went back full time after DS was born and part time after DD came along.
I always got the comments about dinner or what a mess the house was in or why did we have kids for them to just be in nursery all the time?
My usual answer was if he wanted me to stay at home then he should find a job that paid more so that I could- I was the main earner when I was full time, I did suggest he go part time so he could keep the house in order to his specifications but he said he'd be bored.
He also used to say that I put my job before him and the kids, which was rubbish but at the time I felt awful having to go to work to pay the bills but then being made to feel like I was letting everyone down all the time.
He rarely helped at home his contribution was nursery/school pick up on the days I was at work and that's it. Never cooked, never cleaned
He had an affair in the end and ive come to realise he's done me a massive favour as actually, without him moaning at me all the time, I get so much more done!

[GlitterSparkles17]

Posts like this baffle me, why are so many men entitled pricks? Why doesnt he put the washing on? Why doesnt he cook a meal? Because hes a lazy entitles arsehole who thinks its a womans work and it will always be a competition as to who does the most hours at work. Your Never going to win or have his 'approval' you work and take care of everything else and that's not good enough and if you were to be a sahm then he would lord over you that he earns all the money and you 'laze about' every day. He sounds horrible and I think everything youve said in your post you need to say to him too, give him a chance to step up and do more to help and kindly let him know that if he doesn't step up he's gone.