Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Happy in yourself ✔ Happy(ish)single ✔ but, miss...

(32 Posts)
cupcakesmakeyouhappy Sun 24-Sep-17 18:36:03

....Closeness, cuddles, conversation, and company.
I'm forever reading. Find yourself! Learn to be happy single! Do something new! Be kind to yourself! All great advice, I understand that. I feel I have done all the above but I sometimes feel something is missing. Like I crave the closeness and adult conversation. Sharing how the day was good/bad. I wonder if that feeling will always be there. When people say ' I am completely happy single'! I think hmmm why dont I feel completely happy then or do they really feel completely happy?
Not sure why I'm posting really smile I am happy in myself.
I suppose I have been single forever and miss little things and not sure how to stop missing those things (and feeling sorry for myself haha)

Fireandflames666 Sun 24-Sep-17 19:50:22

I'm the same, enjoying the single life but missing the warmth, hugs and company. I'm not in a rush to meet anyone, so it's a lose/lose situation, lol.

Crowdo Sun 24-Sep-17 19:53:09

I know some people who talk a good round, but I personally do not enjoy being single.

Unfortunately, I think I'm going to be stuck like this for the foreseeable future. It's very depressing. It's like trying to enjoy a job you hate.

ConorMcGregorsChin Sun 24-Sep-17 19:55:05

Hugs and kisses. Definitely. Also someone to turn to occasionally and say "wow, what an amazing sunset / cute dog / bizarrely drunk person attempting to climb in his own shoe" or laugh with while watching some comedy. And sex too.

Tameagobairanois Sun 24-Sep-17 19:57:21

I know what you mean.

I'm a happy person with a strong sense of self and I have the 'tools' to continue as an independent person. But obviously the desire to connect is hardwired and it's hard to put that normal inclination aside totally. Rationally I know that the yearning to be with somebody and to have somebody in my corner that I can support and rely on - it is a feeling that only drains me occasionally. And when I was with somebody I shouldn't have been I more often felt the desire to be free. So rationally I know it can be 'worse' to be with somebody. But i want the right person who won't annoy me!

cupcakesmakeyouhappy Sun 24-Sep-17 20:04:10

Glad I'm not alone! Yes, I miss lots but I guess I could name a few things (about the ex) I don't miss.

Aperolspritzer123 Sun 24-Sep-17 20:26:37

I have been single about 8/9 months now and although I am still loving it generally, thoughts have started creeping in about that feeling of being in love/intimacy/someone to give you a lovely back massage. I don't feel ready and I have a lot of healing to do. I feel really happy most of the time, but yeah miss certain things.

meowimacat Sun 24-Sep-17 20:29:25

I think every single person feels this way.

I definitely don't want to be in another relationship yet but I have those nights where I really miss closeness, sharing about my day etc.. It's difficult. In fact every day I miss that feeling.

But if someone asked I would say I'm so happy being single because I am. Those feelings are always going to be there I guess.

Rheged Sun 24-Sep-17 20:39:04

I got out of an abusive relationship 4 and a half years ago. There’s been nobody since. For a long while I was simply too traumatised. Now I’ve dealt with it but I’ve got used to being single, I guess. I have my sister and my parents and some good friends so I have a support network. I love my DCs and I enjoy my work.

Being single is 1000 times better than being in a miserable relationship. But. I miss intimacy. Not sex necessarily (although that would be nice) but cuddles, kissing. Someone to watch Netflix with and bounce ideas off.

I am mostly happily single though.

Aperolspritzer123 Sun 24-Sep-17 21:33:33

I'm like you rheged, I came out of an ea after 20 years in Feb and I'm still recovering - such a cliche but I feel like I'm really getting to know myself again (I say again but I probably never have) and working out what makes me happy - that's a nice feeling - bad relationships just take up so much headspace, you're living on adrenaline all the time and just surviving - you kind of only realise how miserable you were afterwards. I just don't want to risk that again and I feel a bit like that's just normal. I don't want to hate men and I hope that I find someone good for me one of these days. Someone who compliments me and not sucks the life and joy out of me. I feel right now like princess poppy when she came back from being grey. I was grey before.

Rheged Sun 24-Sep-17 21:39:48

I’m scared of getting into another bad relationship, definitely. I’m not sure I trust myself to spot someone bad for me. And I have the DCs to think of too. I’d never forgive myself if I brought someone toxic into their lives. So. Single it is for now.

cupcakesmakeyouhappy Sun 24-Sep-17 21:48:47

Good for you ladies smile yes, definitely embrace being single. It is the best feeling ever, finding yourself again. Empowering infact.
I just miss the 'nice' things relationships can bring. Gets a bit lonely at times.

mrbob Sun 24-Sep-17 21:54:30

With you guys. Life has never been better- I love everything about it APART from the no cuddles/romantic bits. I have a well paid job I adore, a nice house, amazing friends and just crack on and do whatever I fancy like surfing/hiking/camping/holidays but I would quite like someone with me

mrbob Sun 24-Sep-17 21:55:10

And I am HAPPY in a way I have never been in a relationship. But somehow I still kind of want one!

UkuleleRose Sun 24-Sep-17 23:04:50

It can be incredibly isolating when one is single. I can't even talk about it with friends or family, because the comeback is inevitably something like, "You should be happy you're single because men/marriage sucks," or "Love yourself first, then someone will love you," or "It will happen when it happens." Yep, fuck that shit. Just because your marriage/relationship sucked doesn't mean mine would. I think I'm pretty damn awesome, so nope, sorry. And I'm 45 years-old, so no, it won't just happen. And thanks so much for your support while I'm OLD, and no, I don't want to date your loser friend/BIL/co-worker who still lives with Mom because beggars can't be choosers and maybe I can make him into something. JFC.

If I sound bitter, it's because I am.

BorisTrumpsHair Sun 24-Sep-17 23:11:25

I get lots of hugs and affection from DC.
I have male friends and have lots of lovely male company and companionship - all platonic.
I have FWB I see occasionally and a really fantastic vibrator.

So I get all the relationship bits in different pieces, and I am really happy single.

Life is busy - I don't know where I'd fit a full time boyfriend/partner in?

UkuleleRose Mon 25-Sep-17 00:50:22

How do you get a FWB? Serious question. No idea how to even begin.

BorisTrumpsHair Mon 25-Sep-17 00:54:25

No idea sorry. I've had the same one on and off for 20 years grin.

UkuleleRose Mon 25-Sep-17 03:01:38

Lucky duck!

cupcakesmakeyouhappy Mon 25-Sep-17 08:54:20

I hear alot of 'you're better off single' comments. Usually from people who are not single and probably couldn't be.
It's not even about the sex (although it would be nice) it's the closeness and adult conversation.
I always think a fwb would make me feel a bit insecure. Like good enough for sex but not a relationship. I suppose it can work for many but I think I'd need more. Only a little more as I like my independence LOTS!

Tameagobairanois Mon 25-Sep-17 09:02:19

How do you want to have sex with somebody that you dont like enough to be in a relationship?
If i liked somebody enough to sleep with them then id be at risk of growing attached.
Dont know how it works.
There are people I could text and they'd step up, but i already rejected them for being too fat/chaotic/not serious about me... couldnt imagine a candidate really, not one that'd give me any excitement.

I did make the mistake of having a 'friendship' with a man i was crazy about. Blurry boyndaries. Big mistake. I had to walk away.

Tameagobairanois Mon 25-Sep-17 09:05:44

Yes agree PP, an FWB would make me insecure. It did in fact. For preciselythe reasons you say. Torture. Thankfully i put a stop to it which was painful enough but it would hsve been worse if he'd got a proper confused girlfriend and just kickef me to the kerb.

cupcakesmakeyouhappy Mon 25-Sep-17 09:14:36

Now you have mentioned this...I went on a few dates with a guy not do long back and did like him. He seemed to like me back but we both had busy schedules and I began to feel he wasn't that interested so we just didn't go out again. We became friends though and chat from time to time. He has said recently he feels his breakup has 'damaged' him and doesn't want to date.
He has messaged and said if I fancy a coffee anytime to get in touch. Also made it clear he doesn't want a relationship. I haven't met up with him because I liked him. He clearly wants to be just friends or maybe fwb. Either way that isn't going to make me feel better.

Shayelle Mon 25-Sep-17 09:22:43

Just miss the connection... the in -jokes.. the feeling of having a 'partner' (tho my ex wasnt a good partner, did sometimes have a laugh tho)

BorisTrumpsHair Mon 25-Sep-17 09:44:56

you don't need to get it or know how it works Tame.
For me it's fantastic and works very well.

He's someone I've known for many years, I think is very hot & sexually we are amazing together, we get on well and have a laugh, but I've never had a desire to be in a relationship with him. Plus we don't live near each other.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: