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Dilemma

(103 Posts)
Starlet1 Sun 24-Sep-17 17:45:13

Hi am am 60 with two children, both grown up.
I have lived on my own for a long time now and I am happy. I am busy and have a lot of friends. I was in a relationship which ended 18 months ago and I haven't dated since then until recently. I wanted to learn to love and appreciate myself and to enjoy being on my own. I am retired but I have part time work and do voluntary work, go to the gym and sing in a choir and see friends ,I go away on holidays and short breaks on my own.
I met a man a few weeks ago and I have been on a few dates with him, I like his company. I don't find him sexually attractive yet, but then again I have always gone for men who were bad characters, so I see this as a good thing. He is a normal bloke, intelligent and sensitive.
I am OK for money, not well off but Ok.He was a lecturer but when he retired he went back to university , and he doesn't have any money, just his pension and some benefits. He doesn't drive and he doesn't have a passport. He does have 10 children from ages 5 to mid 30's. I don't mind going Dutch when we go out but my ex took me for granted as far as money was concerned and I am wary now.
I have dropped him off at his house and he said that he is too embarrassed to let me in, and from the outside I can see why, it's a wreck.totally falling down and not looked after.I don't want to go in!!. Last night for the first time I asked him if he wanted to stay the night. This morning he apologised because he had left a "skid mark" on my sheets. When I looked later it was much more than a skid mark, it was disgusting and I had to wash the sheets and the mattress topper cover. All this is extra work for me. We shared a bottle of wine but he spilt his glass all over my sofa, my cushion and my new solid oak coffee table. I calmly cleared the mess up and put everything to soak. But I am disabled and it has taken me all day washing and cleaning to put everything right.
I have worked hard for everything I have and I love my home, I feel that it has been disrespected although I do understand that accidents happen.
He is very keen on me and he is a gentle man, with good morals , goes to church etc but I can't put up with a 63 year old who acts like a younger student and who dresses like one.
I just don't know what to do. I cannot ask somebody to change, but he would have to. I feel such a snob. What would you think and do?

ConorMcGregorsChin Sun 24-Sep-17 17:48:53

Oh dear. No. Just no. Do not settle for this man child. Gentle man or not, he sounds pretty bloody hopeless to be honest.
So sorry. But please hold out for something better. By all means pop along to the dating thread in the meantime to amuse yourself.
There's nothing about this man that sounds attractive. Let him know gently that you don't think you will be taking it further even though I'd want to throttle the bugger for being a bit of a dirty useless sod

MyBrilliantDisguise Sun 24-Sep-17 17:49:26

Oh my god, he is disgusting! Never see him again.

MelanieCheeks Sun 24-Sep-17 17:51:34

Not snobby at all. But you are worth more than this. Say goodbye.

splendidisolation Sun 24-Sep-17 17:52:11

Man.....re the essentially shitting in the bed thing....
I would feel horrified but my heart would bleed for him too, both feelings in totally equal measures. He must have been mortified.

f83mx Sun 24-Sep-17 18:00:06

Why wouldn't he at least take the sheet off and put it in the washing machine - not just leave it for you to deal with later - GROSS.

Starlet1 Sun 24-Sep-17 18:03:56

He didn't seem. Mortified. I would have been

FrogFairy Sun 24-Sep-17 18:04:12

Ok, so shitting the bed was an accident, but he fucked off and left you to clean it up. Why on earth didn't he strip the bed and put the sheets in the washing machine?

To coin a popular MN saying fuck that shit. Literally in this case.

Starlet1 Sun 24-Sep-17 18:05:58

He had tried to get it off but succeeded in making it worse. I think it's disgusting. I mean you just wouldn't . And I don't feel he is a man I could Introduce to my surgeon son and vicar father! They would feel he wasn't good enough either

Starlet1 Sun 24-Sep-17 18:07:01

And the red wine which I had to sort out too!

beesandknees Sun 24-Sep-17 18:16:12

No no no no no. Times a million! Ugh what a pig. Not even my 4yo would shit the bed and merrily leave me to it! Christ alive, to say he has no manners doesn't even touch it!

Aquamarine1029 Sun 24-Sep-17 18:19:44

Why you would even consider seeing this man again is beyond me. You're 60. You know better.

Lizkmg Sun 24-Sep-17 18:25:02

You can't have a relationship with skid mark man. I'm sorry. Just no.

MyBrilliantDisguise Sun 24-Sep-17 18:26:15

And I don't feel he is a man I could Introduce to my surgeon son and vicar father!

I think you've over-egged the pudding here, OP.

Notears Sun 24-Sep-17 18:26:19

Omg that is horrendous.

Shakey15000 Sun 24-Sep-17 18:26:23

No, no and NO. Too much gone wrong, too soon and I'll warrant will only get worse. Cut your losses and let him down sooner than later shitbag

AlternativeTentacle Sun 24-Sep-17 18:28:29

Oh my goodness...no no no.

Poisongirl81 Sun 24-Sep-17 18:30:51

You lost me at þhe skid marks get rid ffs

SenoritaViva Sun 24-Sep-17 18:42:31

You sound lovely. He sounds dreadful. Stick to your lovely life, better without him.

NeonFlower Sun 24-Sep-17 18:43:34

Distance. Why settle for someone you would essentially have to look after. You do that for love, not because he likes you.

NotTheFordType Sun 24-Sep-17 18:44:19

You lost me at 10 children...

Notears Sun 24-Sep-17 18:45:16

Oh yes the 10 children but no money to support them.

Cin3ma Sun 24-Sep-17 18:45:21

No! You don't need this! You sound like a woman who has got your shit together. You don't need a man child to look after going into your 60s and 70s. Cool things off with him and carry on with your nice, busy, sorted life. If you're going to rock that boat it has to be for someone 100% worth it.

cupcakesmakeyouhappy Sun 24-Sep-17 19:00:21

And I don't feel he is a man I could Introduce to my surgeon son and vicar father! and you mentioed about sounding such a snob! Yep! 🤔
Ok the bed thing is pretty gross but I'm thinking never judge someone on how they live, when you have no idea of the choices they have had.

MyBrilliantDisguise Sun 24-Sep-17 19:04:24

10 children! I missed that.

Come on, OP, you're making this up, aren't you?

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