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Relationships

Plain rudeness in front of other people

8 replies

yetmorecrap · 24/09/2017 15:41

Well things are still not great, and I have almost made my mind up to go and do a share for a few months to get some space and headroom. (As I don't have kids at home anymore I have this option). Following on from finding out about past emotional disloyalties, I know have 2 or 3 episodes in last couple of weeks where DH has effectively started a row with me in front of others, first time was in front of our employee when he couldn't find something and was accusing me of moving it, he was really aggressive, I know he was stressed because he was on a deadline and we were going on holiday but it was nasty and he didn't really apologise. She also texted him and told him that he was aggressive and out of order and he said she had gone all 'women's rights ' and to mind her own f business, he didn't really apologise properly and he didn't text her back, second one today, he had a big disagreement with our19 year old son about something andsaid 'thanks for backing me up, you sit there like a stuffed lettuce' etc , as it was I backed neither of them up as I saw both points of view. I really really hate this kind of thing that it's ok to go off on one with others there. The other week on a business thing (we work together) he told me to mind my own business when others could hear. He isn't generally so unpleasant to other people but seems to think I am fair game these days and when I get assertive he doesn't seem to like that much either. I feel bad about wanting some space but think I am going to totally lose it at the moment if I don't. I really don't deserve any of this and I don't think he realises how bad and upsetting I find it or some weird part of him gets off on being an arse , he has tremendous road rage issues too. He never used to be as bad as this, I do care but don't feel relaxed and am beginning to hate weekends.

OP posts:
CherriesInTheSnow · 24/09/2017 15:47

Flowers

What a cunt, the fact he can be decent yet chooses not to be with you and the fact that he does it in front of people shows he clearly has no respect for you as a person anymore.

You need to space absolutely for sure. Personally I would want him out of my life for good but maybe with some distance you can seek counselling together etc if you are both willing?

If you are dreading being at home with him then do please find an alternative arrangement ASAP

yetmorecrap · 24/09/2017 15:58

Yep it's a difficult one, a lot of the time he is all over me, trying to make up for past crappiness , except when being a c*. I don't hate him, lots in common, I just hate his behaviour and after 22 years I'm not sure I want to gear up for more of this and I don't want someone either smothering me or being downright rude. If I am honest , I'm not sure in my heart I can forgive and forget but think I need space to clarify my thoughts. . Our son has left home and I guess I notice it a lot more too now. He is quite a neurotic person and much more volatile than myself. I don't think he will take it well unfortunately, even though he is the one that has behaved out of order.

OP posts:
CherriesInTheSnow · 24/09/2017 20:32

You sound strong OP, wishing you the best of luck, have a lovely glass if wine for me Wine

yetmorecrap · 24/09/2017 20:45

Strong on outside I guess, feel like a shaking leaf inside as its my second marriage. I am more sad I guess but I know it's not fair on either of us if I just can't feel 100% at the moment and I find living in a bit of an odd atmosphere really not nice as I no longer have my son at home to distract things. It's like I think we both know somethings not really right but don't want to bring it up to cause any more friction.

OP posts:
Cambionome · 24/09/2017 21:25

I definitely think it would be a good idea to give yourself a bit of space and really think about what you want from this relationship. He doesn't seem to be taking your feelings into account at all. Sad

SandyY2K · 24/09/2017 21:29

He might actually realise how serious it is if you get away from him.

yetmorecrap · 24/09/2017 21:45

I think so, he has many good qualities but isn't actually pleasant to live with, ironically I think I would prefer him as a live out see a few times a week boyfriend , but it's a bit late for that

OP posts:
Cambionome · 24/09/2017 22:41

It's never too late to make changes, op. Flowers

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