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Giddy intense all consuming feeling early in relationship

(19 Posts)
BlueGarden Sun 24-Sep-17 02:32:22

Just wondering about this based on other things I've read here recently.

Do you think that the giddy-all consuming feeling early in a relationship is a determiner of its success? What are your experiences?

I have never really had this at all - with my DCs father for 12 years and we were close friends first so were never on a pedestal and always felt real if that makes sense - nice, but not giddy. But then my relationship history is a little checkered anyway.

SealSong Sun 24-Sep-17 02:40:58

Read up on Limerance, OP. It's not necessarily an indicator of the quality of the relationship or the longevity of it.

beesandknees Sun 24-Sep-17 02:55:58

That giddiness is your body telling you to mate with the person you're bonding to. It's a mechanism to ensure you stay close and get pregnant basically.

And no it's not an indicator of the success or happiness of a relationship. You can have these feelings about a proper cunt, in fact you may be more likely to have these feelings with someone who is a player type.

Ledkr Sun 24-Sep-17 03:45:59

I had it. Was pretty concerned by it as a mature woman with 4 kids!
We are still very happy after 11 years!
Obv not like it now, in fact he can't be quite annoying grin

haribomilkshake Sun 24-Sep-17 04:36:26

I've just faced the fact I have to end a relationship that started like that about 2 months ago. I was giddy as hell, surprised myself as a 43year old by acting like a teenager. Of course he couldn't possibly live up to it. Though I have to say that fucker encouraged it by texting me almost constantly. My feelings almost overwhelm me at sometimes but now it has become painful as he is not engaging at the same level though insists he's not lost interest. I'm ending it tomorrow as to be honest I've decided he's not all that - I also think he represented himself in a better more exciting light via his text carpet bombing. and our passions are just not aligned in reality. Who needs people who take you for granted after 2 months?
I'm not letting myself get taken in by all that next time wink
So as long as your relationship makes you happy, don't worry about that giddy feeling - it can be a false friend.
I'm glad I looked up "limerance" a few months ago having seen it on MN. At least I understand it a bit better. Why is that word not in everyday parlance?

BlueGarden Sun 24-Sep-17 10:25:38

I suppose a lot depends on what happens when you fall off the pedestal?

MorrisZapp Sun 24-Sep-17 10:30:56

Giddy and intense is usually related to sex and lust. It would be a shame never to feel that at some point in life, but it probably doesn't mean much in terms of long term success.

I have a theory that us liberal westerners are engaging in arranged marriages, that instead of being arranged by our parents, are arranged by our hormones.

So you meet a guy randomly, you shag him, you start seeing him and feeling all excited and giddy. By the time the sex hormones have calmed back down, you may be living together. And how you get on living together might as well have been arranged by your parents.

userxx Sun 24-Sep-17 11:10:48

I don't think you necessarily need the giddy feeling to have a good long term relationship. It is an amazing feeling though, like walking on air with a smile on your face. I really thought those days were behind me, luckily not!!!

CanIBuffalo Sun 24-Sep-17 11:13:50

It's chemicals. Nice chemicals but still
What happens afterwards is more important I think.
I can see why some people move on when the feeling has passed though. It's so great while it lasts.

Branleuse Sun 24-Sep-17 11:16:37

I felt like this with boyfriend 1. He wasnt very nice to me. Lasted 3 years, but i was properly obsessed.
Didnt feel like this with my ex husband. Lasted 9 years.
Definitely felt like this with current dp, and the same with him to me. We spent a long time obsessed with each other. Probably not healthy as it makes it gard to get anything else done. We still go through phases where it comes back again, but its a lot more settled now. Been together 12 years.

I dont think its an indicator of relationship longevity, but I do love it when it happens

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties Sun 24-Sep-17 11:21:46

I'd say just enjoy those feelings and don't dwell too much on what will happen in the future. Just let the relationship develop naturally without rushing things.

And get your ears checked out, that might be causing the giddiness. wink

MumsOnCrack Sun 24-Sep-17 11:36:45

In my experience the more giddy = the shitter the relationship. Just what I have personally experienced.

Aminuts23 Sun 24-Sep-17 11:38:34

Don't trust hormones. They blind you to wankerish behaviour. Keep your wits about you

honeylulu Sun 24-Sep-17 12:01:39

I would say no BUT there does have to be some chemistry/a spark or whatever you might call it.
Being compatible as life partners/house and finance sharers/parents is absolutely critical, yes.
But if you don't have a proper attraction to the other person it will be doomed as a relationship. Otherwise you are just friends who live together.
I don't think an intense period of limerance means a lot in itself. My strongest ones were: when I was very young (the newness of the feelings and skyrocketing hormones no doubt) and when the chap was a "player" type who blew hot and cold (unrequited-ness seemed to intensify and prolong that period).
When I met my husband I was physically attracted to him straight away but I actually fought the feeling as I had just finished a relationship and didn't want another, was also planning to move away. We've been happily together for 23 years, married for 17, 2 children.
Relationships with the guys I obsessed over in my youth, I can see now, would not have lasted.

ALaughAMinute Sun 24-Sep-17 12:51:22

Buddhists say if you meet somebody and your heart pounds, your hands shake, your knees go weak, that’s not the one. When you meet your ‘soul mate’ you’ll feel calm. No anxiety, no agitation.

StarStorm Sun 24-Sep-17 13:51:21

If you don't have it then relationship would never last.

peachgreen Sun 24-Sep-17 13:51:58

@ALaughAMinute I think there’s really something in that. Meeting DH felt like coming home and I was completely sure that everything would work out between us (even when circumstances were challenging). I still wake up sometimes giddy with delight that he’s mine, and certainly in the early days I had that feeling a lot, but it wasn’t the lust-filled butterflies I’ve had in other relationships - that was closer to anxiety which I’ve never had with DH.

EmeraldIsle100 Sun 24-Sep-17 13:57:34

That Buddhist theory should be taught in school Laugh! Wish I had learned it in school.

Imnotaslimjim Sun 24-Sep-17 14:19:41

That Buddhist theory is so very true. I've been married 15 years but asked for a divorce a few months ago as he's narcissistic and nasty. In the last few weeks I've met someone new and it's like something I've never felt before. Coming home definitely covers it. Just hearing her voice grounds me and I know she will be in my life long term no matter what.

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