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I feel sick. What do I even begin to think about this?

(42 Posts)
whatthef9 Sat 23-Sep-17 22:33:11

I split up with my ex a couple of months ago, found out he'd been having sex chat with random women online and not for the first time. We were together 9 years.

I'm finding it hard to move on so I googled his name to see if he was on any dating sites, but was shocked to see him on a fetish site. Apparently there's a fetish called DDLG which stands for daddy doms and little girls.. apparently he's new to it and is looking for a "little."

Does anyone know anything about this? I've read about it and it just seems so creepy sad

We had a pretty normal relationship so I'm a bit shocked he would be into something like this. I feel sick because I look young for my age(25) and it just makes me feel ill. He's only a couple of years older than me.

I know I shouldn't have been googling him but I couldn't help myself, and now I can't get it out of my head. Am I overreacting here? I feel like I can't talk to anyone in RL about this as it makes me feel ashamed, even though it's not like I've done anything wrong.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad Sat 23-Sep-17 22:57:47

I'm sorry you were treated badly by him. You've got nothing to feel ashamed about - it's his fantasy, his desire - not yours. Although it may be something you find unpleasant and makes you ill there's nothing wrong with what he's doing - as long as it occurs between two consenting adults.

I really would separate anything that happened in your relationship from this desire of his - it might just be a fantasy that he thought he'd explore now that he's single.

And stop torturing yourself - don't google him - you don't need to know what he's up to - you need to heal and get over him. 🌺

Shoxfordian Sat 23-Sep-17 23:04:44

Stop googling him. It's really absolutely none of your business what he's doing.

It's also not helping you move forward.

whatthef9 Sat 23-Sep-17 23:12:29

Thanks onemorecup, yeah I know as you say about consenting adults. I think it was just a shock and it did colour how I see him and our relationship..we said we would try and stay friends. I will try to seperate the two.

Shox- You're right I wont google again I know it's no good for me. But I did, the only reason I came on here was to get some support as I'm very upset, there's noone I can talk to.

I can't help but feel that sexualising women as little girls is fxd up sad

VioletCharlotte Sat 23-Sep-17 23:22:12

So are you saying he's registered on a fetish site with his real name and you found him on there when you googled his name? If so he's a complete idiot.

whatthef9 Sat 23-Sep-17 23:25:39

It's his online username he uses for everything. Still pretty stupid, as anyone who knows him could see it, or his workplace.

KityGlitr Sat 23-Sep-17 23:30:31

Yeah DDLG is a pretty common kink. It's really none of your business now though. It might just be one of his many sexual interests he's exploring now he's single. You're only hurting yourself checking up on him.

user1480334601 Sat 23-Sep-17 23:42:00

Why on earth is that kink OK and allowed? Absolutely disgusting.

VeryCunningStunt Sun 24-Sep-17 01:14:42

So are you saying he's registered on a fetish site with his real name and you found him on there when you googled his name? If so he's a complete idiot

Beggars belief, doesn't it? Hope his employer doesn't google him. Or his mum.

I can't help but feel that sexualising women as little girls is fxd u

Well yeah. Because it really is.

VeryCunningStunt Sun 24-Sep-17 01:18:43

Does anyone know anything about this?

You don't need to know anything about this from other people, and I sincerely hope that people won't share any details they may have.

Floofd Sun 24-Sep-17 01:19:06


unfortunateevents Sun 24-Sep-17 01:50:20

None of your business, he's your ex. If you find this shocking, presumably it will make it easier to move on.

BertieBotts Sun 24-Sep-17 01:52:50

Gross. But don't torture yourself trying to find out more about it out of morbid curiosity or self flagellation! It is questionable but it's also not your problem any more.

Baggage Reclaim is good for advice on how to get over an ex smile

PyongyangKipperbang Sun 24-Sep-17 02:30:22

Its all very well to say "None of your business, he is your ex, move on" but finding something shocking about an ex makes you question yourself.

If it was me I would be wondering....

was he with me because I look young and it was fulfilling his fetish?
If so, did he really love me or was it all about that fulfillment?
If he did really love me then why didnt he tell me about his fantasy?
Is it just a fantasy or is there more to it?
Is he a paedophile?

I can understand the shock the OP feels, she has found a whole side of him that she never knew existed.

MrsLilymunster Sun 24-Sep-17 03:08:11

Ddlg isn't about someone looking young. It's about a dynamic between two people (so dom and sub but more playful ) it's very common so I wouldn't be disgusted or shocked by it. It sucks what he did whilst you were together, but him exploring his sexuality whilst single is very healthy x

LadyInDread Sun 24-Sep-17 07:38:39


onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad Sun 24-Sep-17 07:38:47

Pyongyang please don't worry the OP suggesting he might be a paedophile. Wanting to explore a sexual fantasy with a consenting adult does not make him a paedophile - millions of adults explore their particular form of kink all the time and that is entirely their business. Just because it's not your thing doesn't make it illegal or wrong.
If he was trawling around sites that schoolchildren used looking for underage girls then that would be different but he's not. He is on an adult site for consenting adults - it's perfectly normal, legal and healthy.
I understand it's difficult for the OP to realise she didn't fully 'know' her partner and that may be true - but they are no longer together and torturing herself with these thoughts is just going to make the healing process longer and more arduous.
Move on OP, he wasn't right for you.

Herja Sun 24-Sep-17 07:52:56

It's really not a paedophilic thing. It's like a dom/sub relationship, with a more caring aspect. So in some instances people take it to extremes, with the little living as a child, but most absolutely do not. In my instance, it means that I am babied after a more traditional dom/sub session. Bathed, dried, hairbrushed, then read to and cuddled in bed. Not pretending to be an actual child. Just the caring aspect you have with a child, which you lent generally show with an adult.

Dippingmytoesin Sun 24-Sep-17 08:56:48

When you google usernames for fetish sites they don't tend to come up. Strange that his would.

Sites like this go out of their way to protect the identity of their users (for some reason)

How did you get past their encryption?

Dippingmytoesin Sun 24-Sep-17 08:59:11

PS you're only a peadophile if you're sexually attracted to those under 13
Ephebophile is for mid adolescents up to approx 19yo

VeryCunningStunt Sun 24-Sep-17 09:07:26

When you google usernames for fetish sites they don't tend to come up. Strange that his would

It certainly does seem very odd. Odd that the ex would not have taken moves to anonymise himself more effectively too.

LittleBooInABox Sun 24-Sep-17 09:09:32

DDLG is a commo kink. It's between two consenting adults. Where one partner, often the female acts younger from time to time. That's it. It's about age regression for most people. A form of therapy, to a time where there was no worries.

And some people crave the caring, protective 'daddy' type partner. Some people prefer to have a partner they can take care of. It isn't about sexualising women as little girls.

There is nothing disgusting about it. It's just what some adults do to get them through the day.

user1480334601 Sun 24-Sep-17 09:13:09

You are all making it sound so romantic and lovely hmm

If it's about sub dom and playful why not call it something along those lines instead of sexualising the relationship a father has with his daughter? When does someone realise they have this kink. It's fucked up and the fact everyone is OK with it and like, hey its no big deal pretending to be a father fucking your little daughter.

Honestly stop the world I want off sad

TatianaLarina Sun 24-Sep-17 09:25:51

In my instance, it means that I am babied after a more traditional dom/sub session. Bathed, dried, hairbrushed, then read to and cuddled in

I didn't think it was that freaky until I read this. Grim.

whatthef9 Sun 24-Sep-17 10:49:16

I googled his username and "personals" and it came up. I wish I hadn't tbh and I won't be looking again as I feel like it's set me back a bit and only upset me. I know it's none of my business but it's there publicly on the internet for anyone to see.

From what I gathered from the site a lot of the girls do indeed act like children, they were talking about "binkies, colouring in, playing with stuffed toys.." I just found it a bit shocking as I'd never heard of this before.

I'm not trying to offend anyone here, this was just my gut reaction. Really not for me, and yeah I guess I'm better off out of that relationship as we weren't that sexually compatible anyway.

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