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Am I being silly ?

(14 Posts)
MiaD13 Sat 23-Sep-17 09:34:18

Hi
My other half and I have been together for nearly two years , we have a one month old son and we live together and have done for about a year.
He is very caring and helps out loads in the house and with the baby but the only thing is I sometimes feel like we aren't actually lovers and more like best friends.
I find him extremely sexually attractive and I have a very high sex drive and I'm always up for it but for the last while (during pregnancy and a bit before , and at the present time) I just think he doesn't find me sexually or romantically interesting.
He always tells me he loves me and he will give me the odd kiss and cuddle here and there but it's nothing steamy or sexy enough to give the indication it could lead to sex.
Apart from the sex aspect the romance doesn't seem like it's really there. It's as if our son is all we have in common.
For example last night our little boy was out spending some time with his grandad so me and OH had the house to ourselves. I kept hinting about having some "time alone" in the bedroom but he either chose to ignore me or didn't understand. Instead the entire time our son was away he chose to play on his Xbox and I went into my bed to nap cause there was nothing for me to be doing.
He's the bread winner and works so so hard for us so I feel bad asking him to spend time with me rather than on the Xbox or doing one of his preferred hobbies as he has a long day.
I love him to pieces and we never really argue but this is something I don't think I could put up with forever?
I don't want to hurt his feelings or seem ungrateful...what do I do?

Ps we are only 20 and 21 if it's like this now what does the future hold ?

Prictoriafeckam Sat 23-Sep-17 10:16:03

Did your bf attend the birth?

MiaD13 Sat 23-Sep-17 10:16:55

Yes he's a very very good father , very emotional and sensitive and we get along amazingly / it's just the romance and sexual side

AlternativeTentacle Sat 23-Sep-17 10:24:45

He is very caring and helps out loads in the house

He lives in the house. It isn't helping. It is living.

* kept hinting about having some "time alone" in the bedroom but he either chose to ignore me or didn't understand. Instead the entire time our son was away he chose to play on his Xbox and I went into my bed to nap cause there was nothing for me to be doing.*

I think you know where this is going. He prefers his hobbies to you. It won't end well.

Prictoriafeckam Sat 23-Sep-17 10:32:13

Are you breastfeeding? He is viewing you in mummy mode, not as the object of his desire at the moment. He is still in shock! I wouldn't be too worried. I admire your enthusiasm for getting back to having sex after one month. You don't often read that on here!

HerOtherHalf Sat 23-Sep-17 10:36:14

Why don't you just talk to him about it? You're not being silly. We all need love, attention and intimacy from our partners - that's the difference between a friend and a partner. If he's not taking hints then you need to have a proper conversation.

MiaD13 Sat 23-Sep-17 11:01:34

I'm not breastfeeding - we have had sex twice since our little boy was born and when we do have sex it's amazing and right after I think "I was being silly" but my drive is obviously so much higher than his

I think he thinks it's normal but we are still kids ! I still want to pull him into bed every time he walks into a room but I just don't think he sees me like that

user1497997754 Sat 23-Sep-17 11:56:46

I totally understand you....I am having the same issue as you....sex seems to be the only issue we have...don't know how to resolve it anymore...,every time it does happen once in a blue moon it's great and I think that it may become more frequent....but no...so have got myself a bullet vibrator it's fab....second best tho.....but better than going out and meeting someone else just for sex....good luck

Desmondo2016 Sat 23-Sep-17 12:01:45

Twice in the first month. Jeez I'm not sure I washed my hair twice in the first month let alone fitted in a shonk!!! He sounds like a keeper. Speak to him what was sex like before pregnancy/baby?

Desmondo2016 Sat 23-Sep-17 12:02:14

Insert relevant punctuation as required!!!

alittlepieceofme Sat 23-Sep-17 12:08:07

I could have written this about me and my now ex who left 5 weeks ago. I'm still breastfeeding as little boy is only 9 months old. I think witnessing the traumatic birth of our son and then me breastfeeding triggered something in him. He said to me once that he viewed me differently because I'm a mum now! He wasn't interested in sex and when he left he told me he didn't love me anymore, that we were like friends. I wish I'd known how he felt so we could have talked and made more of an effort with each other. You need to talk to your partner. I hope everything works out for you

Pinky333777 Sat 23-Sep-17 12:10:23

Just tell him how you feel.
Don't bother with 'hints' as you'll likely just feel hurt or downhearted if they aren't picked up on.

Have a heart to heart, tell him you need to feel loved and crave some intimacy. It's not wrong of you to ask your partner to try a little harder romantically.

Relationships are two ways and I think it's important to discuss your relationship and feelings and ways to make it better. Even if it's a fantastic one x

user1493413286 Sat 23-Sep-17 12:12:51

I think you need to talk to him openly but in a non judgemental way and find out what he’s thinking. It could be the adjustment of becoming parents or anything really.
We didn’t have sex for 6 weeks after the birth of DD what with the tiredness, the physical impact on me and the lack of time so I think twice in the month since is pretty good!

MiaD13 Sat 23-Sep-17 12:16:08

Sex before pregnancy was good - I think I'm a little more freaky than him in the bedroom department and I was always more sexually driven than him

I'm going to have a chat with him later today because it will be a shame if it doesn't get resolved in an otherwise amazing relationship

Thanks everyone for your support smile

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