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Is there always a honeymoon period?

(10 Posts)
lilathewerewolf Fri 22-Sep-17 20:27:32

Just that really, does it always happen in all relationships? What if you don't have one? Anyone here not had the hearts and roses first flush but still together? Or did you know it was doomed without one.

m4rdybum Fri 22-Sep-17 20:57:48

At the time, I didn't think I had one, but lookimg back i supppse we did? I think there is always that initial excitement of getting to know each other and 'playing the game' but I don't know if it was a hearts in eyes moment for me.

DH said I love you to me, and I said thank you blush Didn't say it back for a month or so after, so I think I've always been a bit wary.

I still have flashes of feeling like a new loved up woman, but now it's for different things, like my DH talking about when we should TTC and deciding on baby names.

I think a relationship has lots of different honeymoon periods.

BuffyFan Fri 22-Sep-17 21:10:25

My husband and I seemed to go straight to "comfortably settled" with each other. Not to say there haven't been romantic gestures from both sides over time, or heat and passion. But it was just very clear very quickly that we were for life.

And tbh the "honeymoon" period of getting to know each other can be clumsy, aggravating, and not at all romantic for some. Like living together for the first time, with arguments over the washing up or taking the bins out. Plenty of relationships don't go the distance because actually the getting to know you bit can be pretty stressful.

OccasionalNachos Fri 22-Sep-17 21:15:05

It’s difficult to realise that you’re in it at the time, perhaps.

From your OP it’s not clear whether you’re happy in this relationship? The honeymoon period settles down to a different sort of love and contented ness, are you feeling that? Or is it just a bit meh?

lilathewerewolf Sun 24-Sep-17 10:11:16

No I'm not happy but we're just moving in together so I don't feel I can say so (we moved across the country together). There have been issues in our relationship before but I though they were getting better, now I'm not so sure, I'm wondering if I should have paid attention to the no honeymoon loved-up period :/

IfNot Sun 24-Sep-17 10:18:03

I think the lack of honeymoon period and the fact that you are not happy can be two different things. How long have you been together? You can not have a honeymoon period, in that you just start acting married straight away , but that's not the same as not getting on.
I don't know if bf and I really had a honeymoon period as we were pretty comfortable with each other really quickly (although he did used to wrote me soppy letters grin) but we have never had a serious argument either.

Ecureuil Sun 24-Sep-17 10:20:58

We had one, and 8 years on it's still one of my fondest memories.
The fact you're unhappy now is a seperate issue to the lack of honeymoon period though.

Hermonie2016 Sun 24-Sep-17 10:51:23

It's rely important you talk to your dp.Being unhappy could be relationship caused or nervousness due to big change but if this is supposed to be your life partner it's crazy if you can't talk to him.
In hindsight I wish I had learned that if you feel you can't talk to your partner it's best to end the relationship Problems only get bigger not worse, which leads to greater unhappiness.

Schmoopy Sun 24-Sep-17 13:41:30

Why are you moving in with him if you are not happy in your relationship with him?

That doesn't seem like a very good idea on a very fundamental level.

peachgreen Sun 24-Sep-17 13:54:51

I loved ours but it definitely wouldn’t have been sustainable - we were completely devoted to each other, long walks and heart eyes and all that jazz. We got nothing else done and neglected all our other relationships and responsibilities! It’s a lovely memory but I wouldn’t want to go back to it. We still recapture it often, it’s just not ALL CONSUMING like it was!

However, I never had any doubts and still never have. That would be ringing alarm bells for me.

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