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Please be honest: do you care if your other half has money

(108 Posts)
Sunnyindisposition Thu 21-Sep-17 22:15:47

Male DF is around 40. Had a heart to heart recently. He's a single guy, good looking kind and intelligent. He told me he is really worried women won't be attracted to him because he doesn't have (by London standards) tons of money. He earns £60K & has a nice house in zone 5. He has this fixation that women in his social class mostly earn more than he does and wI'll write him off. I tried to tell him they won't, please add your contributions either way.

Mulch Thu 21-Sep-17 22:18:51

Easy way to veteo awful ones. I love my partner for his humour, kindness and tenacity. Been with him through some truly awful skint times and better times.

Mulch Thu 21-Sep-17 22:19:36

I think similar principles and interests keep us together not money cause that can change

MyBrilliantDisguise Thu 21-Sep-17 22:20:46

I stayed with my ex through some hard times but have to say I wouldn't do it again. I want equality - I don't want to support someone. That might be due to my age, though.

moutonfou Thu 21-Sep-17 22:21:12

I would like a man to be able to contribute fairly equally to a reasonable standard of living. Nothing beyond that really. It just depends what your personal 'reasonable standard of living' is, I suppose, but I think people are largely drawn to people who want to live a similar sort of lifestyle to them anyway.

Anecdoche Thu 21-Sep-17 22:22:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuiteLikely5 Thu 21-Sep-17 22:23:07

I think money is a factor for some people when picking a partner.

IMO it doesn't make you shallow. It's different strokes for different folks.

AssassinatedBeauty Thu 21-Sep-17 22:25:00

What is his "social class"? He is well off by uk standards - a single person earning £60k. He doesn't think much of women if he thinks that none of them will be interested in him because he isn't super rich!

Trollspoopglitter Thu 21-Sep-17 22:25:40

Is he dating women half his age? Cause he might have a point then

SonicBoomBoom Thu 21-Sep-17 22:25:59

I dont want or need a man's money.

But I'd prefer him not to need mine.

I'd like him to have a steady job, be able to be financially independent, and not someone who spends beyond his means and lives on credit. Beyond that, don't care how much he earns

Ellisandra Thu 21-Sep-17 22:28:34

I'd be put off him, honestly, for his attitude of not thinking that £60K isn't much money shock

I know about London prices.
I know that these things are relative when all your friends earn more.

But what is this shite about his social class? hmm

If he was just swiping left and right on Tinder, he'd be meeting plenty of people earning the same and less than him.

I earn more than him. I wouldn't reject him for earning less than me (my fiancé earns far less than him) but I reject him for dating within a "social class".

More generally, I have often dated men earning less than me, and am now marrying someone who earns a third of my salary. What matters to me is similar attitude to money - a saver but enjoys splashing out too, will save instead of use credit, likes a bargain and isn't impressed just because something is expensive. That matters more than their salary.

Smeaton Thu 21-Sep-17 22:30:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AccrualIntentions Thu 21-Sep-17 22:30:33

I wouldn't want a relationship with someone earning dramatically more or dramatically less than me. It's just easier, ime, when things are more or less equal and you have similar career aspirations and prospects.

Redken24 Thu 21-Sep-17 22:31:04

I don't care if my other half has money - don't get me wrong I'm glad that bills are paid, mouth's are fed etc. But when you start a relationship (any including friendship) if you are only in it for what you can get out of it (moneywise) it really won't go far. When I first started dating my husband we never spent money really, it was more going for walks or drives and talking while listening to music. 😂

WillowWeeping Thu 21-Sep-17 22:32:27

I have a DH (who doesn't earn anything) but in the event that I didn't I'd want a partner when could contribute equally.

LynetteScavo Thu 21-Sep-17 22:34:20

Yes, I care if my other half can support himself...

He has this fixation that women in his social class mostly earn more than he does

So that's all good then; they can support themselves.

I also care if my other half is good looking, funny and kind....

clumsyduck Thu 21-Sep-17 22:36:25

We're I'm from 60k is loads !

However generally speaking and I know I sound shallow but yea I'd be off if I met a bloke I liked but he was skint , I need an equal financially it's just easier

clumsyduck Thu 21-Sep-17 22:36:38

Put off

Fairylea Thu 21-Sep-17 22:37:49

I can't get past him thinking £60k isn't a lot of money. What planet is he on?!!

Brokenbiscuit Thu 21-Sep-17 22:41:17

No, it doesn't matter to me. I earn more than enough myself to cover my wants and needs, and I don't need anyone else's money. Other things are much more important to me.

I earn about five times what DH earns, and it isn't an issue for either of us. However, we both work very hard in our respective fields. It just so happens that his field is much less well paid than mine.

I would struggle to be with someone who didn't work or lacked commitment/work ethic. I would not want to be the sole earner.

Justonemorelatte Thu 21-Sep-17 22:46:42

I dunno, his perspective seems a bit "weird". What IS social class? If he sees himself as on par with the Middleton family or City lawyers and bankers and wants one of the women who move in those circles, then he should make more money himself?

Is he one of those men who tries to date way out of his league? Or goes for women who don't like him? Is he physically attractive with interests?

Or does he have other social things holding him back? Like a negative attitude or bad social skills?

If he feels his salary "is an issue" then I reckon he's been pursuing women and trying to lure them in with his salary then throwing his teddies out of the pram and calling them "gold diggers" when they're just following his lead.

I just know a lot of men who complain about "not being able to get a woman" when what they mean is "white, slim, young, long hair, and working in something viewed as a middle class job"

MrsLilymunster Thu 21-Sep-17 23:03:24

I dated a guy who was multi millionaire. I also broke up with him.I didn't care at all about his money but sadly there had been exs who used him for it. Surely he would rather get some one genuine ? Hell .. why would he want to be with someone who only cares for money? Xxx

PacificDogwod Thu 21-Sep-17 23:07:08

What do you mean by 'having money'? Or rather what does he mean?

I don't want to be beholden to any man, but equally do not want any man to be dependent on me.

60k even in London is not poor.
Poor people find love also.
He has a low opinion of himself and has a rather uncomfortably misogynistic view of all women as gold diggers. Strange attitude.

Viviennemary Thu 21-Sep-17 23:09:59

£60K isn't exactly poor. But if he's mixing with folk a lot better off than him then it might be a problem. But given the choice I think I'd prefer rich to poor. grin

ineedamoreadultieradult Thu 21-Sep-17 23:10:19

I would be put off by his opinions of women and himself more than his money. £60k to me is a fortune. I got with DH when he had literally no money and was living on crisis loans from the council. He now earns £22k but is facing redundancy none of this features in how I feel about him. It is just money and money doesn't make the man.

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