Hi folks. Regular poster but I have made a new profile for this as I am so embarrassed. I hope by writing this down it might make me realise what a twit I am, or perhaps someone can offer me some words of wisdom to snap me out of it.
I am suffering the biggest most overwhelming crush I have ever experienced. I have always had crushes even as a little girl (I used to wait on the wall outside my house in case Shaking Stevens came past). I usually enjoy the fantasy/escapism and it passes within a month or so. This time its different. It’s been going on for about 6 months and is getting worse and I am starting to go bit ‘stalker’.
The object of my affection, let’s call him OOA, is an instructor at a hobby I do. My children partake in the hobby too. It’s a very intense physical hobby. everyone at the club is friendly and close, but it’s a family vibe so I don’t know why I am having such inappropriate feelings.
OOA’s day job is close to my children’s school and my work. He has a very distinctive vehicle, I drive past it several times a day and I crane my neck in case I get a glimpse of him. Sometimes we pass at the traffic lights in the morning and wave. Sometimes he pops along to the classes he does not teach, to say hello or participate. If he is there when I am not expecting him, or if I hear his vehicle arrive my stomach turned somersaults and I feel physically sick.
He is on my mind constantly. We are FB friends, though he is not active on it much, I have also looked him and his wife up on the internet (stalker alert). I daydream about him all day, I have been having vivid dreams at night. At the hobby I find it hard to focus and often end up acting like a buffoon because I feel so embarrassed.
I imagine scenarios where he declares his love for me even though we can never be together. I daren't ever be anywhere near him drunk (just in case) if we were to have a club social I would have to be the driver. I am acting like a 13 year old, not a 45 year old – am I peri-menopausal, could this be the cause of such delusional behaviour?
Now the wise among you will probably ask if something is missing in my relationship. Well yes I suppose there is. I have been with my partner for nearly 21 years. When my youngest was born 5 years ago our relationship went through a really bad patch which ended in DP having a one night stand (typically with a beautiful much younger woman). It affected me terribly and for about a year. I was on the fence as to whether to stay. In the subsequent 3 years we have both worked hard to create a new solid relationship. However now the tears and pain have subsided and I can see it objectively; there is a little part of the relationship that died.
The part that died is the ‘Disney’ part, the romantic notion of being ‘the perfect couple’, ‘the most beautiful woman in the word to him, ‘that he would never let me down', 'would never look twice at anyone else’. In reality life and relationships are not like this. We are human and we make mistakes. What I do have though is a very kind, caring, reliable partner. We get on well, we laugh, he is clever, handy, attractive, we have great sex, he is a fantastic hand on Dad. I love him.
I have tried to be objective about OOA. Yes he is massively tall and hunky, but he is not as' handsome as my OH'. He is older, bald, ginger (and grey), broken nose, a bit of a ‘mans man’ . He is not intellectual; he calls everyone ‘mate’ , but it still does not put me off.
He has never shown any interest in me whatsoever, we normally just joke about. He did ask if my hair was a different colour last – no, it’s just not wet with sweat and tied in a bun (we were going to a competition rather than class). I was cock a hoop that he had noticed something about me.
Why am I being such a sad stupid dick.
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Getting over a huuuuge crush
13 replies
Flippinflipflaps · 21/09/2017 17:19
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