DH died 7 weeks ago, how do I get through this?

[QuiltingFlower]

I was his full time carer for three years during harrowing treatment. After doing all the stuff that has to be done, I am left not knowing what to do with myself now. Children (3) are grown up (and marvellous) but not local. We see each other regularly. Don't see my sibs (not interested in us before, during or after), no other family. Life seems so empty. I fill my time with housework and gardening, but I am just so sad. Any encouragement, anyone?

[Stuffofawesome]

sorry this has happened to you. Be kind to yourself. Do you think grief counselling might help (not for everybody but some find it helpful). There is a bereavement board where you can find support on here

[BurningOutNow]

very sorry for your loss.

Have you thought of joining any local groups? A book club or the WI for instance?

[Aquamarine1029]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I think your kind heart and giving nature would be cherished by any volunteer organization. Getting out and helping others would be very therapeutic, I believe.

[sonjadog]

So sorry for your loss.

I haven´t lost my partner, but when my mother did, I remember that she more involved in her local church and she tried out new activities such as the WI. Pretty much anything to give her a reason to get out and do stuff, even if it wasn´t exactly what interested her the most. Now a few years on, she has calmed down and reduced her activities to those she likes best.

But it is still very early days for you, and I would imagine you are very tired now. So most of all, be kind and gentle with yourself. Could you go and stay with one of your children or a friend for a while? My mother came to stay with me for 3 months a few months after my father died (I live in a different country - that´s why it was a 3 month stay). Looking back, she said it was very good for her to be able to get away for a time. She also went on an organized group tour for a couple of weeks that she enjoyed a lot.

[Mummychoochoo3]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[GrockleBocs]

I don't know how old you are but my MIL goes on health walks that are ostensibly local walks for fitness. In practice they are a social event and a lot of her group are women who are single, widowed or divorced. They usually finish with tea and cake.

[CocoChannelCrossing]

I'm really sorry for your loss Quilting Flower. It is early days and I should imagine very difficult not only dealing with your grief but also having lost your 'purpose' so to speak.
I wholeheartedly agree with the idea of finding local groups to join.
Also in times of stress I have found a calming hobby like knitting, sewing, even those adult colouring in books very relaxing. I would have the TV on AND do those, just to keep my mind busy.

All the best to you and do take care of yourself in the coming months.
((((huge hugs))))

[RoseOfSharyn]

I'm so sorry for your loss OP.

Would you be willing to say what area of the country you are in? There may be some mumsnetters locally who would be very happy to join you for a coffee or a glass of wine one day. I know I'd be very happy to do that if you're around my area.

[TeaandHobnobs]

So sorry for your loss Quilting
Have look for the "Jolly Dollies" and "WAY" or "Way Up" - all excellent support groups for widows. My mum has made some lovely friends and found great support from these groups since my dad died two years ago.

[Chasingsquirrels]

I'm so sorry to read your post QuiltingFlower.

At 7 weeks it is such early days for you, you just have to take it minute by hour by day, and the days turn into weeks and months and eventually you come to some new kind of normal (I hope - I'm 6 months in, and life just feels less without him).

Have you got local friends who you can call on, just to have some company or a chance of scene?
Clubs, groups, interests? I'm no help here, I'm wondering what to do with myself.

If you are under 50 consider looking at WAY (Widowed and Young), or over 50 then WAY-UP.

Look after yourself x

[Justaboy]

7 weeks is really very early days and after all you've been through. But i bet that somewhere out there is another man who'd appreciate you and be a good companion who himself might have been through the same or a similar thing. Never know:)

But as others have said do try to get out and join in other things whatever they might be!

[abadaba]

Hi quilter. I lost my husband too, just over a year ago now. I wish I could say it's been easy but it has been up and down. I have been attending bereavement counselling and find that a help. Also I pushed myself to get out of my comfort zone and get involved in as many activities as possible. It's different for everyone. We all deal with things differently and have different outlooks on life. I leaned a lot on others for support in the beginning but eventually felt I didn't want to be burdening them with my sorrows. I just get on with it now and find time eases the pain

[BBackt0w0rk]

I am sorry for your loss. It is early days and you will have good days and bad days. Because you have been a carer for some time. I would suggest writing a list of things that you would like to do for yourself and get out and do them. These may be short or long term goals, small or big things, perhaps visit somewhere, start a hobby, join a club, travel, get a pet. I would also visit friends and family and maybe volunteer. You never know who you will meet or what you will see. Take one day at a time. Perhaps it's time to plan for Christmas and new year

[Angelina7]

I am so sorry for your loss. It will be difficult at this early stage to feel motivated to start Anything new but perhaps there are things you have always wanted to do in the past and you haven't had the time ...once you have grieved, possibly had some counselling you could find ways of doing the hobbies or things you always wanted to do. I wish you all the best x