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1 child seriously hurt the other child?

(53 Posts)
appledoesntfallfar Tue 19-Sep-17 19:44:17

not too sure what to do in this situation. Oldest child (16) pushed youngest child (9) down the stairs and pretended he tripped, I am the only one that currently knows he didn't trip. They don't know I know but it's a long story and we have cameras near the stairs due to a break in from that window (there is a wall outside it).

How on earth do you move forward from this?

MrsBertBibby Tue 19-Sep-17 19:45:40

You protect your 9 year old.

PerfectlyPooPoo Tue 19-Sep-17 19:46:16

How is the oldest dc normally? Could this have been heat of the moment idocrcy or was it maliciously done?

SisterhoodisPowerful Tue 19-Sep-17 19:46:40

You protect your 9 year old. And punish the 16 year old for assault and lying.

appledoesntfallfar Tue 19-Sep-17 19:48:26

Yes I know I protect the 9 year old. But do you mean punish like going to the police? Eldest is normally quite a normal person but really doesn't get on with my youngest

magoria Tue 19-Sep-17 19:50:54

Your 9 year old could have been seriously hurt or even died. They know that their sibling pushed them down the stairs. If they tell someone at school there could be repercussions.

Your 16 year old is over the age of criminal responsibility and could be facing charges if the worst had happened.

The 16 year needs to know just how fucking serious this is and your 9 year old needs protecting.

There was no excuse for this.

Pallisers Tue 19-Sep-17 19:54:53

What does the 9 year old say? Does he know he was pushed or does he think he tripped?

I think you need to figure out what the consequences will be. For me it would be talking very seriously about assault, how he/she is too old for this kind of thing and it is an arrestable offence etc. Not sure what sanction I would impose (I am not big on punishments tbh). I would absolutely expect a heartfelt apology to the 9 year old.

Once you decide what you are going to do, you sit your 16 year old down and tell him (or her) that you know he pushed his sibling down the stairs. Don't ask him to tell the truth or anything like that (you'll only get more enraged when they lie again). Tell him you know it happened and then have the conversation about seriousness, long-term consequences, absolutely unacceptable in your house, apology required, you know he is better than this etc.

I think it would be very tempting to ignore the whole thing - especially if the 9 year old isn't really aware what happened. Don't do that.

ThisIsntMyUsualName Tue 19-Sep-17 20:37:45

Sit your 16 yo down and show them the video. How they react to that would determine how I would act.

How is 9yo?

Mamabear4180 Tue 19-Sep-17 20:40:57

What did 9yo say?

craftyfox48 Tue 19-Sep-17 20:53:08

Tell the 16 yo that you know what they did, and see if they react with a sincere apology.

It is very serious, but IMO, it is not a police matter. It is sibling rivalry gone too far.

I think you should lay the facts on the table to your 16 yo about what could have happened- your 9 yo could have died and your eldest child could have gone to prison. Hopefully, you can portray the seriousness of the situation and it won't happen again.

SomedayMyPrinceWillCome Tue 19-Sep-17 20:59:44

When did this happen? And when did you find out the truth? Can I assume you had suspicions which prompted you to watch the recording?

Anecdoche Tue 19-Sep-17 21:10:14

you need to talk to your 16 yr old.
dont try to trap them, dont back them into a corner by trying to get them to confess, just tell them that the cctv captured them pushing their sibling down the stairs. tell them that they could have been killed.

it doesnt matter that they dont get on. there are a lot of people i dont get on with. i dont push them down a flight of stairs. at 16 (assuming no sn) a person knows you dont do that.

they need to understand that it is only luck that means the 9 yr old wasnt seriously injured or worse.

and they need a punishment. this is something that needs a consequence.

ittakes2 Wed 20-Sep-17 07:37:52

If this was deliberate I can not unfortunately imagine it's a one off. Especially since the 9 year old did not tell you the truth. The only reason I can see a small child not telling the truth about this is if they fear the repercussions. What if your 9 year old is be

Footle Wed 20-Sep-17 08:01:51

If your 9 yr old is afraid to tell you the truth , you absolutely have to show the older one the video evidence. Otherwise s/he may take it out on the sibling, as any bully would.

DearMrDilkington Wed 20-Sep-17 08:07:34

A 16yo pushing a 9yo down the stairs seems much more serious to me than the usual sibling fighting.

Your 9yo could have broken his neck. A 16yo is old enough to know that, yet still did it.

iMatter Wed 20-Sep-17 08:12:12

Why didn't the 9 year old tell you?

Is s/he scared of the repercussions if s/he does tell?

How do you know this was a one off?

Lumpylumperson Wed 20-Sep-17 08:13:27

Yes, I agree that you should show the 16 year old the video. Make sure he/she knows that the youngest didn't tell on him (to prevent any backlash for youngest DC).

This is very serious. 16 is far too old to be lasting out like that. I'd tell the eldest that if anything happens like that again you will go to the police. In fact I'd be tempted to do so now. It's not like they are really young and lost it, they are 16 and pushed a young child down stairs and then lied about it.

Extremely dangerous and reckless. If it was a heat of the moment thing they need to control their temper and grow up. They are much too old to be doing stuff like that.

bluit Wed 20-Sep-17 08:17:14

How badly hurt is your 9 year old?

MissBabbs Wed 20-Sep-17 08:24:00

What was 9 year old doing. V dangerous but was 9 year old in older ones bedroom. Harrassing them or what?
Perhaps 16 year old miss judged danger and 9 year old will not do whatever wind up it was again.
You can hardly 'accidently' push someone down the stairs so I don't think the video is releveant.

Mombie2016 Wed 20-Sep-17 08:24:44

Does your 9 year old often have accidents? If so I'd be wondering how many were actually assault by your eldest child.

I'd put money on it that your 9 year old is too scared to tell you because the 16 year old is a skilled liar and you'd believe him.

I would take copies of the footage, show the footage to your eldest, then I'd be calling the police.

Didiusfalco Wed 20-Sep-17 08:25:57

I think it would be very tempting to ignore the whole thing

^Fuck that. terrible advice. You have all been fortunate that there weren't awful consequences. For all their sakes I would treat this with the utmost seriousness. If your 16 year old can't get their impulses under control they could assault someone outside the home and end up with a criminal record, not to mention seriously injuring someone. Your 9 year old also needs to feel safe in their home. You owe it to both of them that to go heavy on this.

Footle Wed 20-Sep-17 08:37:18

MissBabbs, victim blaming?

0ccamsRazor Wed 20-Sep-17 08:39:18

Sit 16 year old down, show video and then ring the police.

This is a police matter, not just a case of sibling rivalry.

Your 16 year old need counselling and anger management therapy.

Your youngest has been seriously assaulted, it could have been as serious as a murder.

You need to step up and protect your younest.

No other way of dealing with this is acceptable.

Msqueen33 Wed 20-Sep-17 08:39:32

I'm curious why you have cameras. Is the 16 year old yours? You need to talk to them about it. Regardless if younger sibling was annoying 16 year old needs to know that pushing 9 year old or anyone down the stairs isn't acceptable.

CamperVamp Wed 20-Sep-17 08:39:59

So you are saying the 9 year old WAS seriously hurt? Broken arm, concussion kind of hurt?

It is not ok for a 16 year old to not 'get in' with a 9 year old. Be irritated by them yes.

On the other hand 16 year olds sometimes do terrible things on the spur of the moment because they really do not think of the consequences. It could have been a quick opportunistic daft move or it could have been a spiteful, malicious assault.

Is your 16 year old jealous / resentful of the younger?

I would confront the 16 year old directly as others have said.

And, before his brother can get to him I would talk to the 9 year old, say you have seen that his brother tripped him and ask how it happened and see whether it is a pattern, whether he feels unable to talk about it, feels intimidated by his brother etc. Make it clear he can talk to you and be believed.

My approach with the 16 year old would be very firm: we behave like a family to each other or we lose family priveliges. We talk about things (mean this, if you say it), we use our words, we listen to each other.

I don't know about punishment as such, or if it actually helps his attitude to how he behaves towards his brother. I would be looking more at strategies to improve respect, behaviour, kindness, communication.

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