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Did anyone in a difficult relationship find that having a baby made things better?

(48 Posts)
MoseShrute Tue 19-Sep-17 18:26:08

Am just interested really. My best friend has just announced she is pregnant. I am obviously happy for her, but a little worried. Her relationship with her dp has been tricky for about a year or so. She says he's less interested in her than he used to be, wants to do his own thing more and more, less interested in sex. This baby wasnt planned, but she's very happy and thinks the baby will bring them closer together. I hope this is the case, but part of me feels doubtful. Has anyone else been in this position where a baby has improved a slightly faulty relationship?

JigglyTuff Tue 19-Sep-17 18:27:00

I know people who've done it and it's never ended well

Bigbouncingbaby Tue 19-Sep-17 18:30:29

Nope the opposite. Baby's are hard and cause stress . We split up a number of times then finally when kids 4 and 1. In my opinion worse thing to do sorry

HadronCollider Tue 19-Sep-17 18:30:58

Not ime I'm afraid. At best it allows people to coast together until the children are old enough to leave. Sucks.

3DGlasses Tue 19-Sep-17 18:31:40

I've never known it to work out for anyone...and I is old wink.

MoseShrute Tue 19-Sep-17 18:32:19

Their relationship isnt terrible, just a bit unequal it seems. He's a really nice man who would be a great dad, but i just worry i suppose

BenLui Tue 19-Sep-17 18:32:41

I'd be concerned too.

Even the strongest relationships find a new baby testing.

MeMeMeMe123 Tue 19-Sep-17 18:35:00

Definitely not in my experience.

Our plaster baby is now 7 .... I adore him. Marriage was in trouble before then.

In terms of trade off, he's been worth it and then some.

Difficult and no way to tell for certain.

MoseShrute Tue 19-Sep-17 18:36:34

Part of my worry is that he is older than her and possibly more set in his ways. Thanks for the responses everyone

Aquamarine1029 Tue 19-Sep-17 18:39:55

Your friend is delusional. Having a baby is very hard on even the best relationships.

Hurraahhnaptime Tue 19-Sep-17 18:42:18

God no. Totally the opposite I'm sorry to say.

NorthernLurker Tue 19-Sep-17 19:07:53

No I've never heard of it working. Just adds to the casualty count.

Sweetbell Tue 19-Sep-17 19:57:20

No and why bring a baby into a difficult relationship? to fix it? Why put that pressure on an unborn life that will have totally separate needs from that of your friend and her partner.
Babies are hard word and the work keeps changing as they grow never exactly becoming easier.
It also changes the expectations of both people in relationship their responsibilities are no longer primarily towards each other.

AnyFucker Tue 19-Sep-17 19:58:33

This isn't your "friend" is it ?

Sweetbell Tue 19-Sep-17 19:59:57

Oh and one or two sleep deprived parents with a colicky newborn certainly brings no one closer together!

SweetLuck Tue 19-Sep-17 21:12:27

I gave an actual out loud hollow laugh when I read your thread title.

No. Having a baby did not make my difficult relationship better.

MoreProseccoNow Tue 19-Sep-17 21:22:20

No, it's like throwing a hand grenade into your relationship.

Turbinaria Tue 19-Sep-17 21:27:28

The commonest time for a relationship to flounder is after the birth of a baby when you are both so sleep deprived and think you are having a harder time than your dp. So the resentment builds...

RunRabbitRunRabbit Tue 19-Sep-17 21:30:52

Having a baby magnifies all the problems in your relationship and worsens your own worst traits, in my experience.

Tearsoffrustration Wed 20-Sep-17 07:24:19

Nope nope nope

NeverEnoughSleep1 Wed 20-Sep-17 07:28:10

At absolute best it can give them a few months closer if they both enjoy looking at baby stuff and making plans then when the baby comes and sleepless nights set in and one parent wants to go out and carry in as they were with no change to their lives/routine the other gets resentful and the arguments start there and then the relationship gets a whole lot worse

PsychedelicSheep Wed 20-Sep-17 07:34:13

100% no way

explodingkittens Wed 20-Sep-17 07:35:22

Good God no. Just, no. Absolutely not.

Calmanrose Wed 20-Sep-17 07:37:50

Absolutely not. We had a rock solid relationship before. Literally 8 years with never a cross word. Since we had the kids there's been plenty of cross words borne out of tiredness and frustration. Still together and still love each other but there's sadly niggles that weren't there before. We had a nightmare nonsleeping baby... reflux, colic etc. It's straining.

UserThenLotsOfNumbers Wed 20-Sep-17 07:43:39

The baby wasn't planned
Hmm...I wouldn't be so sure, after all, she thinks he's losing interest in her...
I hope for the child's sake things work out but not convinced.

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