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(65 Posts)
user1483875094 Mon 18-Sep-17 19:18:02

Arrgghhh ... I am rather mature, my daughters who I adore, (28 and 29) and I, never fail to say to each other (at the end of an email, or text, or conversation) "love you!" and we MEAN it ....!
Manfriend (not partner, does not live with us) but very involved ... and here a very great deal, is becoming more and more "precious" and apparently can't stand it!!! (He has two daughters, one in Australia now, who has nothing to do with him, and one fairly close by, who is lovely, kind, adorable and gentle natured, and loves the attention and affection my daughters and I show her - but who only visits about once every 6 weeks or so, and more often than not, (I think) times her visits to just visit me, strangely.

This week, I spoke to one of my daughters who is going travelling, and told her how much I loved her, and she said the same back, at which point "man-friend" ridiculed me (us) as being not only "pathetic" but also - apparently "affected snobs". This lead to a huge row, and I honestly, suddenly really feel that I do not want this cold person in my life, nor trying to affect my relationship with my own daughters in any way. Am I over-reacting at all, do you all think? I am really, really lost in my anguish over this??

Ttbb Mon 18-Sep-17 19:21:45

I would leave him then and there. I still make a point of telling my father that I love him every single day and he does the same to me! This man is not normal, don't get mixed up with him.

DirtyNell Mon 18-Sep-17 19:23:12

He's not good enough, in fact, toxic. I bet your daughters can't stand him. Share what you've written here, and the red flags you can clearly see, with your daughters, and listen to what they have to say. Get rid of him. He is wrong.

SandyY2K Mon 18-Sep-17 19:23:14

You aren't overreacting. What you say to your daughters is none of his business.

I say the same to my teenage DDs and when I text them.

Any man who doesn't like it can bugger off.

purplecorkheart Mon 18-Sep-17 19:24:01

He sounds horrible. I would be dropping him as a friend.

CaptainHarville Mon 18-Sep-17 19:24:34

Ditch him he sounds like a knob. Don't waste time wondering why. He has a rubbish relationship with one of his children so he's hardly dad of the year. What does he know to be looking down on you and your family? You can do better!

SweetLuck Mon 18-Sep-17 19:24:52

He sounds jealous.

f83mx Mon 18-Sep-17 19:25:39

he's being horrid - and the fact that his kids want nothing (much) to do with him is VERY telling.... what's the story with the daughter in Auz?

OhHolyFuck Mon 18-Sep-17 19:25:47

Off he fucks then?

strawberrykiss36 Mon 18-Sep-17 19:25:56

You're not overreacting at all. Perhaps this is caused in some way by guilt he may feel about one of his DD not seeing him at all. I've never heard my Mother say she loves me, I wish she would. Don't ever change and get this hideous man out of your life.

DirtyNell Mon 18-Sep-17 19:27:10

Title says partner , and text says not partner. Which is it??

AdalindSchade Mon 18-Sep-17 19:28:12

Tell him to get to fuck. What a sour, joyless cunt.

Crumbs1 Mon 18-Sep-17 19:28:58

Who wouldn't tell their children they love them at every opportunity? He sounds jealous and damaged and the risk is he'll undermine your lovely relationship with the girls.
My husband and I certainly tell our children we love them whenever we speak, text or see each other - which is most days.

MyFishGeorge Mon 18-Sep-17 19:33:55

Different families, different habits. Maybe he comes from a family background where affection was not openly shown and he finds your family habit difficult to deal with.
Having just been reading the thread about the book by Robert Webb in which he writes about the way cliched masculine traits are damaging to men, it occurs to me that this might have been the case for your DP.
He needs to know that it's your normality, a great thing and it won't be changing but perhaps he also needs help to escape his hidebound notions of what is OK to express.

TwitterQueen1 Mon 18-Sep-17 19:34:09

Quite right
Bluestone 42?

My mother didn't love me and never said the words. I say them every day to my DDs - and mean it. They do the same to me.

Get rid of him

Sweetbell Mon 18-Sep-17 19:34:26

He's clearly jealous that your daughters truly love you. And you them.
Says more about him then anything else. He probably knows deep down his own kids don't feel same and certainly won't ever say same to him and I wouldn't blame them he sounds awful a joy sucker. Jealous of a mothers bond with her children!
Get rid before he starts trying to make you feel wrong for loving your own flesh n blood!

bigfatbumfreak Mon 18-Sep-17 19:41:48

He's a massive twat, tell him to piss off, man child....WTF.....does he cry if people eat his special yogurts.

GhoulsFold Mon 18-Sep-17 19:43:23

My parents are the same - unaffectionate, cold and ridicule anyone who shows affection as been "a baby" or "gay

I haven't spoken to one parent in around 20 yrs. The other I only see once, MAYBE twice a year of I can stomach the oppressive atmosphere.

The reason I fell in l8ve with my now DH is that he came from a warm loving openly-affectionate family. Both He, and all his family have showered me with that same love and shown me how enriching affection is. I spent my childhood feeling inferior, insignificant and unlikable. I had self confidence and anxiety issues...

If this man is incapable of allowing you to be affectionate without ridiculing you and your daughters for it, its better to cut him loose.

LilyMcClellan Mon 18-Sep-17 19:50:00

Well, this is a no-brainer.

user1483875094 Mon 18-Sep-17 19:52:46

Oh, thank you thank you, all of you. You have reassured me hugely! Thank you so much!
DIRTY NELL... well it is difficult, he is here almost every night, but goes back to his own house when it suits him... we have holidays together, he is "entwined" in our lives, but not officially. However, NOTHING and nobody comes between my daughters and I, but having been a dithering insecure person in the past, and having made some appalling choices, I really needed some back - up opinions, which you LOVELY lot have given m, and THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!!! We are headed for a "bit of a discussion" tomorrow and I think I am brave enough to end it all! NOBODY comes before my daughters! Thank you all SO muich.... xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Orangebird69 Mon 18-Sep-17 19:54:27

Tell him to FRO. I'm in my early forties, my parents are both in their late 60s. I tell them I love them every time I speak to them. I don't see what his problem is?

bigfatbumfreak Mon 18-Sep-17 19:55:20

And a cocklodger to boot.

3EyedRaven Mon 18-Sep-17 19:56:15

Good for you user+numbers
You know he's a wrong 'un

user1483875094 Mon 18-Sep-17 19:56:38


ha ha... thank you so much!!! XXX

C0untDucku1a Mon 18-Sep-17 19:57:22

His daughter sounds like they have been damaged by his lack of love, that one ignores him and one is keen to share the affection in tour family. But him ditch immediately:

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