We're both in our 30s - I'm 31, he's 37. We met over two years ago on a trip and I felt he could have been the man I settled down to be with.
But he vanished. I tried texting/calling but was removed from social media. I told him it would be OK if he wanted to end things. I just needed closure. I explained I wouldn't be upset,, I wouldn't cry (in case he was avoiding me due to fear of confrontation). It's been 3 weeks and nothing. I know we'll never speak again. He lives in a different town to me, around 90 minutes driving, so we won't be bumping into each other anytime soon.
He seemed a nice enough bloke, treated me very well, spent all this time with me. I loved him very much, I cared for him, but sometimes I felt like something was missing, so I would push him away - but not in a significant way, maybe I'd made some comments if I was having a bad day or if he has annoying me. I was very preoccupied with work, so I didn't give it my best, but there were some minor issues I wanted to work on. I wasn't mean to him, I wasn't abusive or anything like that. But maybe he could sense the doubts I had, although I wasn't ready to throw in the towel, so to speak
I've been going therapy since he vanished and my therapist says he sounds to be a very sensitive man who just couldn't talk to me and has confrontation issues. We weren't bad people and had some lovely times together, but just disappearing is no way to end something with someone you once loved.
I am accepting of the situation but can't believe some people behave like this. It is absolutely shocking. You hear a lot about ghosting after short term dating, but nothing after nearly 3 years together.
Bloody hell - 2.5 years and then 'poof'! That's terrible OP and I don't blame you for wanting some kind of closure - even an email explaining why would be something. I think ghosting is terrible and unless it's to escape an abusive relationship I just don't understand. FGS is it so hard to be a decent human being and SPEAK to the person you've spent all that time with? Even if it is just to say 'I'm sorry, but this isn't working for me any more and I want to end it'. I'm glad you have a therapist who is helping you work through this
Oh God you could be me except this happened a while back. In fact 10 years ago. A really shitty and nasty thing to do. It's his problem. Deep down you know that he is a very unkind and weak person. You can live with this and move on. He has to live with himself forever.
No argument. We hardly ever argued. We kissed each other goodbye the day before I went on a busy work trip to Scotland. We weren't in touch for around a day, or a day and a half, before I called. No reply. I tried again the next day, thinking he might be busy. Nothing. A few days later, I sensed something wasn't right. So I sent some messages, nothing hysterical, just telling him we should talk it through calmly and nicely and I would not contact him again if that's he wanted. Again nothing.
After 3 weeks, I don't want to hear from him, to be honest. In a way, he has done me a favour - I did have doubts, even though they weren't huge, there was definitely a gut feeling that was off.
I can't figure out why he has done this though. Resentful because of my behaviour/doubts? Or met someone new (if so, not sure it would be serious - we pretty much lived together 24/7)? Or just fell out of love and couldn't face hurting me?
No! Never ever heard from him again. We went to the same party years later and he didn't come in when someone said I was there. Bizarre. Went from almost living together then gone! He had had work worries which I was supporting him with. Another girl appeared quickly. He did the same to hrr a couple of years later.
Wow, its fucking frightening that he could actually do that!!! He's not dead is he? Do you have mutual friends? That is unbelievably cruel and for a man of almost 40, well it's just shocking. You actually don't sound overly bothered about him, more the way he has ended things (if you can call it that).
When seemingly good relationships end abruptly, it can be really hard to get your head around it. I've been in that situation and I still think about it at times.
Could there be mental health problems involved? Abandonment issues for instance. If he knew you had doubts about the relationship then he might have chosen to avoid rejection by abandoning you entirely?
Whatever his reasons it's still a really shit thing to happen to you, so I'm sorry
Oh Op same thing happenwd to me very recently! Nearly 4 years and he ghosts me. I knew he had met someone else though as he went to a party and stopped texting. Went very cold and arogant to me. After 3 weeks he told me he met someone else and never wanted to hear from me again. This may not be the same as yours but I am so sorry.
An ex from the early nineties ghosted me. I was young and didn't have a name for it back then.
You have had a lucky escape. He'll likely surface before long - if OW doesn't work out, and be all surprised that you haven't waited around pining á la Miss Haversham for him. Mine surfaced twice more and like an idiot I took him back. The third time I finally copped on and told him there would'nt be a fourth time. He did try though
We have friends in common so I hear things very occasionally. I didn't at the time though. No one saw him for some time. Really affected me for many years. Until I saw him repeat pattern. Now I havè managed to move on and make a good life. But the hurt is still there.