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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Should I walk away..

58 replies

Sad1974 · 17/09/2017 15:36

In a nutshell I've been seeing a man for a year who I've known for a few years..When we first got together last year he made it clear he didn't want a relationship as his last relationship had ended badly and he lost his home etc..over time we've acted like a couple when we are together (it's a long distance thing) he holds my hand etc and always calls every day.
I've met and socialised with all his family and even met his long time female best friend who even said she knew I meant a lot to him and she'd love to see us together properly
He constantly tells me he cares and that he wished he could offer more yet when I go home..he seems to step back and phone conversations are just regular chat..he doesn't imply that he misses me yet when I go there he tells me that he has to put me to the back if his mind a lot because a relationship isn't what he wants right now but that he he always misses me and wishes I was there.
Recently he met a woman locally who he has started meeting most elves in the pub.. going out and about with and chatting to late at night..she has ME and doesn't work so is frequently up in the early hours. Quite often he'll hang up to me saying he's going to sleep but I'll see in the morning he was online on what's app for a good couple of hours afterwards.He recently added her on fb and now she literally comments on everything he puts in such a way as to imply that they are close. He's told me he's confided in her about his breakdown and that she's been supportive and that he doesn't find her attractive but is glad to finally have a friend locally..however..he admitted he hadn't mentioned me to her..
We had a big row about it the other night and he told me that I'm being unreasonable and that he's lonely and needs friends but it feels like ages stepping into my shoes and also I think she is reading a lot into the friendship too.
This weekend he unexpectedly told me that he loved me so much.which shook me..as he's never said that before but he reiterated that he can't be in a relationship as he needs to concentrate on getting himself sorted etc but that I have no idea how much so mean to him..
Then the next day he went straight to the pub to spend the evening with her..Im at the stage where I'm really wondering if I should just walk away..

OP posts:

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Sad1974 · 17/09/2017 15:37

Apologies for the typos..

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category12 · 17/09/2017 15:43

I'm not sure why you're wasting your time on him. He doesn't want a relationship with you. He sweettalks you to keep you around, but that's all. You're not walking away from anything, there's nothing here.

Sad1974 · 17/09/2017 15:46

I guess it's always felt like something..we talk every day..its been very intense to all intents and purposes it's been a relationship..he just would never label it as such..sadly I've fallen for him so I've always hoped it would become more

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TableMirror · 17/09/2017 15:48

If he wanted to be in a proper relationship with you he would. He's stringing you along. Stop wasting time on him.

Sad1974 · 17/09/2017 15:49

Am I right in thinking that he's probably getting involved with the other woman ?

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ElspethFlashman · 17/09/2017 15:54

Does he have to rent a plane and write it in the sky??

You have no furture with him!

He "loves you so much". I used to say that to my dog. Don't make the mistake of thinking it means he's in love with you. He's most definitely not.

He threw you just a big enough crumb AFTER you gave him a hard time about this other woman that you would feel guilty for doubting him. The L Word, said in extremely neutral phrasing. But it was just a crumb. Don't fall for it.

Notearsgoodbye · 17/09/2017 15:54

How often do you actually see him?

Sad1974 · 17/09/2017 15:56

We talk on the phone every day and see each other every two weeks

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category12 · 17/09/2017 15:58

He's told you he can't be in a relationship. Stop ignoring that bit and move on with your life. He likes things the way they are, so he'll say whatever will keep you hanging on, but not enough to change anything.

Winteriscomingneedmorewood · 17/09/2017 16:06

I bet he is with another woman the other weeks. .
If you don't use protection I would get checked out for sti. .

Sad1974 · 17/09/2017 16:10

No I know he isn't because he usually calls me when he leaves work and calls several times during the evening and as he's going to bed..I have however been suspicious of a few occasions when he's gone MIA for the eve

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Aquamarine1029 · 17/09/2017 16:12

He has told you time and time again that he doesn't want an official relationship, but you've refused to listen. He's now seeing another woman. What more do you need to know?

Sad1974 · 17/09/2017 16:15

I guess because he was so adamant there was nothing going on..I wanted to believe him..

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ElspethFlashman · 17/09/2017 16:24

Doesn't find her attractive, my arse. That's the easiest line in the world to say. You seem to think he's more truthful than the Dalai Llama!

He's keeping you on the hook, love. Maybe it's because she's poorly and he's not sure whether he'll be getting his leg over any time soon. If not, he doesn't want to have nobody to sleep with! He's testing her out, though.

Bet she tells her friends they have an amazing connection. Does she even know you exist, by the way???

Sad1974 · 17/09/2017 16:26

No..she doesn't know about me and also from where I'm sat..yes it looks like they are very close and that she sees him as more than a friend

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Sad1974 · 17/09/2017 16:27

I actually was quite shocked at how he describes her..shes a very big girl and he said he wouldn't touch her with a barge pole as she was too big

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MyBrilliantDisguise · 17/09/2017 16:33

Well, that was nasty of him. So she thinks she's getting involved with him and he won't touch her with a barge pole?

Honestly though - he's told you so many times he doesn't want a relationship. How have you managed to not pay attention to that? And you only see him every fortnight - if he wanted to see you more often he'd make an effort to do so, and if he wanted a relationship he'd tell you that's what he wants. He's done the opposite.

Sorry to sound harsh but you do need to walk away from this man.

Sad1974 · 17/09/2017 16:37

In fairness seeing each other ore hasn't been possible as he has a full time job with long hours and works 6 days a week..Im self employed so my time is flexible..I did think that was vile esp when he is so obviously leading her on

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Nellyphants · 17/09/2017 16:38

It's classic. If he didn't fancy her why does he feel the need to keep talking about how much he doesn't fancy her?

Sad1974 · 17/09/2017 16:38

Hrs kept me hanging on by telling me that once he gets his life on track things will be different..we live 300 miles from each other

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Sad1974 · 17/09/2017 16:38

Yep I thought that too plus he hangs up to me at night to go and chat to her instead

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Orlandointhewilderness · 17/09/2017 16:42

He ha telling you what he needs to do you will be kept hanging. No, he isn't interested in a relationship with you and yes probably is with the OW. Size is irrelevant. Fat girls are still be attractive you know! I should know, I am one!

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orangewasp · 17/09/2017 16:42

Yes walk away, you're wasting your time regardless of the other woman

Sad1974 · 17/09/2017 16:45

Oh I know..I used to weigh 16 stone ! And that's why his comments angered me

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SonicBoomBoom · 17/09/2017 16:47

Yes, walk away. He's making a fool of you, don't let that happen.

You need to have higher expectations in future.

Flip

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