Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Advice for date night please!!

(8 Posts)
Dumbo412 Sat 16-Sep-17 13:42:42

Hi everyone!

We've been through a really tough time lately, and our marriage feels like its crumbling. he is a wonderful man who has worked through plenty of his issues for our marriage to survive, we work together like a well oiled machine, and he does far more for our family than most men i know.

the problem is, weve got so used to focusing on whats best for DD, what makes her happiest, shes also recently had an operation which has meant ive stayed in her room the past few nights to be able to keep an eye on her. we tend to get no more than 15 minutes a day together. we frequently bicker about how im working as much as him, but im the default parent and i do all of the housework, which isnt really true, he does what he realises needs doing. he will wash up a few bits but leave the dishwasher full, he may plonk on a load of washing.

its got to the point where neither of us feel loved, or that we are even on eachothers lists of priorities.

i want to work on this, because ive got a goodun here, i really do. hes the kindest most lovely man and we have the bones of a good relationship.

i want to plan something so we can take ourselves away from stress and reconnect.

i had thought of booking into our favourite hotel, in a room with a double bath so we can bath together with a bottle of wine and hang out together, grab a lovely dinner, put on a new set of pjs each and watch a few films

But then maybe that isn't invoking passion into our marriage and that's what we need?

I don't know which direction to plan in.

I feel like us reconnecting and having that chilled out rest time is what could help, but oh I don't know, maybe we need to do something exciting, so we have that good time to look back on and remember?

If anyone has any ideas that would be brilliant. I'm just not sure. I wanted to plan something special that shows we can still have fun, and enjoy each others company.

If we can't start to work on this, I just don't know if our marriage will last much longer, i know that neither of us feel appreciated, which is a shame because together we have built a nicer life than we would have separately.

Sneezeandooops Sat 16-Sep-17 20:49:09

I think your idea sounds lovely. What's important is that it's time for you both together, try to avoid talking about workloads and other things. Just focus on you as a couple

user1497997754 Sat 16-Sep-17 21:18:20

What about a weekend away somewhere by the coast .....

NotTheFordType Sat 16-Sep-17 22:56:29

If your date night plan includes sex then it sounds good. If it doesn't then it's not exactly reigniting the two of you as a couple rather than housemates, is it?

PS Don't have sex in the bath, water is not a good lube, just saying.

Dumbo412 Wed 20-Sep-17 10:16:36

Haha! I've just managed to find this post again!
😬 Date night is all booked in for the first Friday in October. I've taken a step back and I've realised that a lot of our stress comes from his (our I guess as we have a 51%-49% split) business isn't being run very well, and I've been working 40-50 hours a week in another job.
In an effort to make things better I've decided to quit the other job, and start taking a salary from the business, this will eradicate a lot of our family stress.
Looking forward to our date night.
Thanks everyone x

hellsbellsmelons Wed 20-Sep-17 10:33:17

With everything a bit 'up in the air' do you really want to relinquish your independence?
Could you go part-time to start with?
I'd not want to put all my eggs in one basket in your current situation.

user1497997754 Wed 20-Sep-17 11:17:54

Good for you....wishing you a lovely date night.....stress is a marriage killer...I think you are putting your marriage 1st and I am sure your hubby will appreciate it loads...

Desmondo2016 Wed 20-Sep-17 15:00:09

Sensible words from hellsbells ...

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now