Think about it as practising dating. Assume it will help you learn rather than be meeting 'The One'. That way if it goes wrong it doesn't matter as some dates are boring / odd. If it goes right then great!
Better luck next time OP. After over a quarter century with DH, I can say irrefutably that I would not be interested in dating again - EVER - if we split or he died! The amount of horror tales I read on the internet has put me right off!
User149 - you sound a little smug and judgemental. You know what? My DH did die, when I was 33 and we'd had 14 years together. I've just started dating against after a break up, because like the OP, I have courage. Think before you post.
I don't think user whatever was being judgemental either, but it is very easy to say that you'd never date again from the comfort of a relationship which feels like it will last, or the security of having enough friends, family or confidence to feel like you'll be fine on your own. If you're not in that position and are setting out into the dating jungle again then that might seem like an amazing luxury.
Personally I just find it a bit silly to be put off of dating just because the internet means everyone can share the horror stories that no-one else would have known about 20 years ago. And I really like the fact that the internet makes it a million times easier to meet new people, even though that has the drawback that you come into contact with the kind of people you'd never have guessed existed in the olden days.
I agree user149 wasn't being judgemental, but smug is not an unreasonable description of her post. I wish her a long and happy marriage but if that doesn't happen, perhaps she can have another think about dating when she's been on her own for a few years and see if her views have changed.
As for the OP's date, surely 'don't talk about the ex, and if you must mention them keep it neutral' is in Dating 101, along with 'be interested in the other person and only talk about yourself in response to questions they ask'?
Keep at it OP, there are some decent guys out there. Some.
OP I'm 19 months into OLD and it's been a mixed bag, but I look at it as experience of meeting other people and opportunity for sex . I'm seeing someone at the moment and it has potential. That's enough for now. Come and join us on the dating thread.
Sorry to bring this thread back to life but am looking for others viewpoint. Ok, so have continued to see this man several times a week and we haven’t yet dtd but have met each other’s children. Mine are grown up adults, his are 15 and 8, I did think it was far too early to meet them but he pushed for it and we got on well. Now I am seeing red flags as he still talks about his bloody ex who left him years ago (and with considerable debt that he is on a dmp). On every date too, I really can’t be arsed with going through someone else’s emotional nonsense and I am going to tackle him about it before I come back here in 6 months and ask for the same advise. Any suggestions on how to bring it up in conversation?
I should add that he is a good dad to his kids , pays cm and sees them frequently which is when she comes into conversation about arrangements which is normal but I can’t help thinking he has a case of mentionitis and his mother is still very friendly with her, ie lifts etc, I haven’t yet met his mother, which I don’t think is a bad thing at the moment. I don’t feel 100% solid and it’s still early days and have nagging doubts that we come first or me coming second to his ex (not his kids I wouldn’t consider myself as jealous).