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Please tell me what you think about my 2nd date? Im so annoyed at myself :(

(146 Posts)
user1496589862 Sun 27-Aug-17 18:29:34

First date was arranged about 2 weeks ago, for bank hol monday (tomorrow) to go for food and a few drinks. Dont usually do this on a first date as I think its better to have a quick coffee but I know him (school together) although not spoken to him in about 10 years.
Chatting and texting before hand and one evening I was free, he was free so we went for a walk. Stopped for a drink. He went in for a kiss. This is one of my pet hates as I dont think you should on a first date but I didnt mind as I quite fancied him. Felt like I knew him. He was very chatty, a little annoying but I put it down to nerves.
So 2nd date was still on for monday. Recently, I was coming home from a night shift and he suggested tea and toast for breakfast so I agreed. I thought its ok, he can come to mine. I kind of know him, friends in common, its just tea and toast.
I made a cuppa, put the tv on and we chatted for about 10 mins and that was wen he became a complete letch. I dnt mind a kiss but his hands were all over the place. I kept saying calm down. He pulled my hand towards him and he was telling me how hard he was. I pulled my hand away thinking this is getting uncomfortable. I tried to talk, drink my tea but he would not stop pulling me, kissing me and forcing my hand. Its difficult to text but this went on for about half hour and I kept saying, I need to sleep. Im tired. He would not go. He would not leave me alone. I stood up he stood up. I moved and he moved. He then exposed himself telling me he was horny. Asking me to go upstairs. I said no thats is definitely not happening. I was trying to laugh it off as I was becoming more uncomfortable. This happened about 3 times. I told him I needed to sleep and to stop and kept pushing him from me. I managed to get to the back door and literally had to shout a little and say I needed sleep. I honestly thought he was not going to leave.
When he did I cried. I know thats probably completely over reacting but I have never felt so uncomfortable and so out of control in my own home.
Right now Im feeling really strange and I dont know why. I wanted to post because I dont have anyone to talk to and Im annoyed at myself for allowing him over. Im disappointed in myself because I should know better.
He apologised later by text. Saying he was horny. I actually feel sick. He then text 'looking forward to tomorrow'....Oh my god that is not happening. Am I over reacting?

ThreeSangriasFloor Sun 27-Aug-17 18:32:23

No, you're not overreacting. He sounds horrible. Tell him tomorrow is off because of his behaviour, don't see him again, block him. I'm sorry that happened to you sad. He was out of order.

user1498854363 Sun 27-Aug-17 18:32:56

I am so sorry this happened, are you wanting to see him tmrw? Cos you don't have too, he sounds horrible ,

LEMtheoriginal Sun 27-Aug-17 18:34:51

He sexually assaulted you sad you may want to involve the police but sadly I imagine this would be difficult to prove. But your feelings are valid and he is an utter pig. You wasn't to know he was going to be like this.
Text him and tell him how disgustingly he behaved then block

Farontothemaddingcrowd Sun 27-Aug-17 18:35:58

He did sexually assault you my lovely flowers block him. You did nothing wrong. You do not have to see him ever again.

Anecdoche Sun 27-Aug-17 18:36:43

no you are not!

cancel.

he wants sex and it doesn't sound like he thinks you have much of a say in it.

i wouldn't take the risk.

ClemDanfango Sun 27-Aug-17 18:37:37

You've been seriously sexually harassed in your own home and you're completely entitled to your feelings.
in tempted to tell you to ghost the prick but I'm worried he might just turn up at your house.
Text back "This is over, don't contact me again."
Don't engage any further and call the police if he comes to your home.

user1485639128 Sun 27-Aug-17 18:38:46

This is sexual harassment. Tell him it's not happening tomorrow and block him. If he continues contact the police

ChickenBhuna Sun 27-Aug-17 18:39:13

He's a pig op. Tell him tomorrow is off and block any contact.

I'm sorry you had to go through this.

Lovemusic33 Sun 27-Aug-17 18:39:16

You didn't over react. He sounds like a complete twat. Don't contact him ever again, block him.

OutToGetYou Sun 27-Aug-17 18:39:33

Vile man. You're not overreacting. Cancel and have a nice quiet day on your own or with real friends.

Biddylee Sun 27-Aug-17 18:40:31

I had something similar happen to me years ago (not quite this bad). I was shaking afterwards when the guy left. It's because you trusted someone to come around , have a chat and not try and force themselves on you. You expected someone to be a decent human being - nothing wrong about that.

He is in the wrong. How he behaved is appalling.

bagsandhags Sun 27-Aug-17 18:41:41

You are not overreacting, it's a horrible thing to happen when you are in your home!
Just say you are not going to see him anymore and tell him why. You will probably get the old line of " I thought you liked me etc etc " just ignore him
Hope you are ok flowers

AcademicOwl Sun 27-Aug-17 18:42:38

I'm so sorry this sounds awful! Don't see him; it's too risky as he clearly doesn't understand 'no'

BalticUnicorn Sun 27-Aug-17 18:42:49

Please do not meet him tomorrow hes a pervert. I dated a guy like this when i was only 18 and my god its quite traumatising esp when you think theyre not going to leave! Hope youre ok xx

ImperialBlether Sun 27-Aug-17 18:43:19

Horrible behaviour. You need to text him and say "If you think I would ever want to be in the same room as you again, you must be insane. You sexually harassed me and if you don't start to treat women with respect you're going to end up in prison."

ClemDanfango Sun 27-Aug-17 18:44:24

Can I just say as well that you didn't do anything to warrant this abhorrent behaviour from this man, you're entitled invite who ever you like in to your home and have the expectation that you won't be assaulted and sexually harassed.
This is not your fault it's his for trying to take advantage and for choosing to treat you so badly.

ohherewegoagain Sun 27-Aug-17 18:44:43

You are defo not over reacting. I would advise you to cancel the date with him tomorrow. He crossed the boundary, and the fact that he apologised for it means he knows he did. Delete and block him.

Sierra259 Sun 27-Aug-17 18:45:01

That sounds horrible OP. Without doubt he sexually assaulted you. I would text him once telling him that there is no way in hell you'll be seeing or talking to him again after the way he behaved. And if he contacts you again you'll involve the police. Then block him.

Look after yourself and sorry you had to go through that flowers

ImperialBlether Sun 27-Aug-17 18:51:44

I'm getting more and more angry about this. You'd been to work, must have been knackered, just wanted some breakfast and kindly said he could come round for that - I'm sure you'd have preferred it if you'd been alone even then. So he turns up and treats you like that - it's awful. You had literally nowhere to go as you were in your own home.

You really need to make this clear to him now - tell him exactly why you don't want to set eyes on him again.

Racmactac Sun 27-Aug-17 18:51:44

Fuck that. Text him and tell him his behaviour was out of order and you will not be meeting him again and then block.
Forget about him

IshipTomHardysohard Sun 27-Aug-17 18:52:06

What a absolute disgrace he is!

Stay well away op, I would cancel the date and tell him to piss off!

If he was this handsy this earlier on, what's he going to be like on the second date?

No wonder your feeling the way you are!

Changedname3456 Sun 27-Aug-17 18:53:19

He was way out of line and you're not over-reacting.

Even if I had been living with someone and had been partners for months or years I wouldn't behave toward them like he did towards you.

Melabela10 Sun 27-Aug-17 19:01:07

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Tensecondrule Sun 27-Aug-17 19:01:26

You are not over reacting. This guy is a total creep and his behaviour will only get worse. Make it very clear you will not be seeing him tomorrow or anytime and if he continues to contact you tell him you'll be reporting him to the police.

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