Advice coping with break up

[Shocker2017]

Hi can anyone offer words of advice/support. Husband having affair- really upset how do I cope with feelings. What helps?
Thanks

[eve34]

Time sadly. I am Sorry to say there is no magic answer. Tell people. Keep talking. Try and put boundaries in place.

It will pass but let people help you

[ConstantStruggler]

Talk
To him. On here. Don't crop things up. Expect to feel angry and numb. Has he come clean? You are not alone.
Sadly.
X

[Shocker2017]

Thanks I know there's no magic fix but my mind keeps dwelling on it. All. I think it's good advice to talk.

[Shocker2017]

Thank you. He has admitted it. It's all very surreal.

[ConstantStruggler]

I remember feeling like I had been hit by a bus. Shaking non stop. It will get better. I think...

[HadronCollider]

((hugs)) How long has the affair been going on? When did he admit it? Try and get as much rest as you can, drink plenty of fluids, including something sweet. Tinned soup if you can't stomach food. I assume he's not in the house with you?

[ConstantStruggler]

Yes and eat!

[Shocker2017]

No he's not, yes I feel like I ve been punched in the stomach and can't eat. I've never felt anything like it. I feel better already for this though. Thanks everybody X

[HadronCollider]

Hope you get some sleep tonight OP. Have a glass of wine if it helps. Try not to get too anxious and if you need to cry don't fight it. Just let it come x

[Vermillionrouge]

Try and keep yourself busy. Lean on your friends and distract yourself as much as possible to give yourself a break from your thoughts.

Possibly not now but a bit later on I found that the most useful thing I did was hire a personal trainer who pushed me hard through two sessions a week. I am a lazy git and have never exercised before or since but I found that the break from my thoughts and burning off all the adrenaline build up was incredibly good. If you are not as lazy as me running or a gym class will probably do the trick 😀

Just keep telling yourself it will all be fine in the end. It will and you will come out a stronger person for all this crap. I really feel now that there is nothing life could throw at me which I can't handle.

[Shocker2017]

Feel really low this morning.sad, angry, confused, sick. Trying to eat.i hate this, I'm normally upbeat. I don't feel like me.i have cried buckets and drunk too much I know. Knowing there's people there really helps, it's sad that so many have been through the same thing and like me thought it would never happen to them.
Thanks for the support X

[Bluebelle38]

Heartbreak can be horrendous. You are I. The eye of the storm now so make sure you limit the things that will make you feel worse (drink) and do the things that can help (talk). What about counselling? Safe, non-judgemental and can help you get some clarity. It's a tough time, I know. But your life will go on. The pain you are in now will lessen xxx

[Shocker2017]

Thanks. I've had a few days off work but back today. Not mentioned it to anyone here. Not close enough to, but it's been a distraction X heart is constantly on overdrive c

[DadOctave]

Hi @Shocker2017 you're not alone, and there's many amazing people on here who will have heaps of good advice. It really is awful, but keep talking to your friends and family that you need to, I'm finding talking helps so much.

[eve34]

Hang on in there it is early days. Just be kind to yourself. Make sure you eat when You can. I have periods of feeling really quite jolly. Then it hits me all over again Been 4 weeks since he walked out. I just want him home.

[Shocker2017]

Eve34 I'm glad you said that a lot of the time I feel really angry and hate him but I also just want him to come back and hug me and tell me its all alright, then I never want to see him again.i thought I was going mad. Got through work today , good distraction but had to keep bringing mind back to work thanks everyon x

[Shocker2017]

There have been times when I've been jolly too eve, but it's through gritted teeth and the nagging pain still there. having trouble eating. Pain in stomach and heart no better. Can't stop thinking of him with her and all the time he was with me decieving me. All the times he said he had meetings taking me for a fool. It's eating me up. A long weekend ahead X sorry just had to get it off my chest X

[eve34]

Oh shocker I am feeling your pain. Long weekend and it seems to be going on forever. I have felt sick constantly since this happened. Best diet ever!

I know the advice is to keep busy and distract yourself. Today I can bearly get of the sofa. Early night and hopefully feel a little better tomorrow.

Hope you have something to look forward too over the next few days

[Shocker2017]

Hope you do too Eve. It's the sick feeling isnt it? Constant. I didnt realise what physical pain this could cause. Eating a couple of mouthfuls and feeling full. My friend advised me to write everything down as a way of venting so I've written everything I feel, have felt, called him names, gone to town on language on several sheets of paper. I did let off steam and made me feel a bit better, but it doesn't change a thing. Thanks x

[eve34]

I have drafted many e mails. Some begging some swearing I look back on some of them and I am embarrassed by them. So must be a good outlet. I still have a week off with the kids. We were meant to be on holidays this week.

Trying to do nice days out with them but it isnt the same.

Just keep taking it day by day.

[Shocker2017]

Hi, I just kept my letter and keep adding to it. It seems to be getting worse. I haven't posted for a bit as I thought I'd try to work things through my head without influence. It's awful, I'm awake most of the night . I CANNOT stop crying. I've lost weight . It's unbearable. Only when I'm with people I have some semblance of normality because I have to, as soon as I'm on my own it's all I can think about. How long does it take for some of the pain to wear off?? X

[Mojoey]

I wish my pain would stop too.i can't believe how many people are going through this horrible torment.i discovered my partner of 8 years was on a sex site looking for sex we had a row and he left a week ago...one minute I'm ok and then the next I'm sobbing 😑

[HadronCollider]

Hang in there shocker et al., How long does it take before you feel better? Sorry the answer is as long as you need. Its entirely personal. The pain does seem to come in waves though, so like the stormy ocean, you get one huge wave, or a series of ongoing big waves, then some respite for bit where you make some progress, have managed to keep it together, not cried so much, made some tentative steps forward, then something will trigger another wave and you'll feel like you've gone back to square one.

In the early days the space between the waves retreating and coming can be minutes or hours, then days, then weeks, then months. All the time you are making progress, even though it doesn't seem that way and some days the waves really batter you down and you have moments of uncontrollable crying, struggling to get up, feel incredibly hurt when visiting some place you went together etc.

But just by simply getting through each day, you do become stronger. And the time eventually comes when you can predict, and then finally ride the waves. So hang in there. The early days are really shit, but it does and will get better, promise.

[Shocker2017]

Ok,not been on here for a while just trying to get through. I have been feeling ok at times and work has been a huge distraction, no one there knows so I don't have to put up with pity or questions which is a relief and I can pretend. I saw him today to talk about a few things , I thought I'd be ok but it's awful I m so mixed up, it brought back all my feelings for him- I don't think you can just switch them off after years together, but also I hate home. he was going to see her after wards can't believe what pain , sick feeling and utter devastation. Do they know what pain they cause or are they so blinded by their lust they don't care that they trample on everyone? I thought I was coping but I think I m just existing. Anyone else the same?

[Shocker2017]

Him not home