Separating and going on first date / drink with someone else

[Rejectedwoman]

Hi all
In the middle of separating from husband. Living separate lives, sleeping in separate rooms, no sex, but under the same roof. He can't afford to move out at the moment. Have children together. He has a drink problem which he refuses to get help for. I Am often on the receiving end of verbal abuse / foul mouthed abuse. A particular hobby of mine he hates me taking part in too. Jealous ??? Separating is at my request and I don't see any way back from it. Wedding rings have been off for months although he's still wearing his.

A while ago I became friends with someone and then more than friends and turns out he was a player and a bit of a narc. Blowing hot and cold, pulling me in then dropping me again etc. Been very hard to get over him as I had strong feelings for him . Have posted about this elsewhere.

Anyway a couple of weeks ago while crying my tears and generally feeling terrible about this narc player a friend of a friend messaged me on facebook just chatting (he's also into the same hobby as me) so had lots of common ground on which to talk. He doesn't know or know of narc man. Anyway long story short he's asked me out for a drink and a meal this weekend. Mutual friends say he is nice and defo single. I have been upfront that husband still lives under my roof and the basic outline of the situation without going into too much detail. Hes fine with this. As it's getting nearer I am starting to get cold feet / have wobbles. Don't have feelings for soon to be xdh but anxious in case he's another player, doesn't like me, just nerves. Worried in case he drinks a lot.

Help. What do I do. Haven't been on dates for near on 20 years and that was only with husband. Just feel.scared about everything. Don't want to project this / hint at any of this. Any advice welcome

[XJerseyGirlX]

No need to be nervous. You ended your abusive marriage! you got over your narc ex. Your stronger than you think OP

So what if it is another play (I mean this in a nice way)
Just take it nice and easy and at your own pace. Good luck on your date.

[Rejectedwoman]

Bumping

[butterfly56]

At least if anything it will be a nice meal with someone who has same interest as your hobby.
Better than sitting in and getting a load of abuse from exh!
Hope it goes well on your date!

[hellsbellsmelons]

Just chill out about it all.
Go out.
Be yourself.
Enjoy it.
Take it slowly.
Don't put any pressure on yourself.
You might not really click at all and have no chemistry.
See what happens.

[scoobydoo1971]

Just treat it as a night out. No expectations or reading too much into the situation. First dates are all about finding out if you have mutual interests. Don't rush into a relationship, just treat it as a confidence boost and see what happens. It is a nice distraction from tension at home, if nothing else.

[Rejectedwoman]

Thank you all.
We have spoken a couple of times on the phone and messaged daily. Have lots to talk about but obviously the chemistry might not be there in person.

Hes 20 years older than me but doesn't look it. Was quite shocked when he told me his age actually but husband is 10+ years older and the fling in between was 14years older so probably doesn't really matter .

Guy seems quite keen. Keeps asking what happens if we get on ? Would I want to spend a whole day out with him doing something etc. Trying to skirt round those questions as I can't answer them until I know how I feel in his company.

[Justdontknow4321]

Just say we will see how the date goes and take it from there :) good luck

[jm42]

Go out with him. Enjoy yourself and don't have any expectations. Just enjoy being in the company of a nice man , be yourself and take it from there.. Whatever happens will happen because it's meant to...Keep an Open mind.