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Husband anger and restraint issues

(13 Posts)
Joto369 Tue 22-Aug-17 17:27:45

Just had a hilarious altercation with a man driving a car - narrowing road, his right of way but I decided based on where he was on the road having driven on it twice a day every day for years that I would have time. Which I would had he been doing 30mph but he wasn't so bless him he had to slow down and I got the w****r sign. I just laughed it off but my hubby went off on one - really quite angry. He would have stopped in the road and made him pull over or he would have given him the same sign to which I replied wouldn't you just forget it and be the bigger man? This didn't go down well as didn't me saying I thought he was blowing it out of proportion. I said if he ever did anything like that with me in the car and put me at risk then he clearly needed to sort out his priorities. The incident has brought up again a pattern of times when his behaviour is out of proportion to the event or where he has not been able to show restraint when things have gone wrong. How do I deal with this? I had an awful year last year down to his infidelity (blamed me for not talking which was bull) and when this kind of thing happens I wonder if my decision was right to carry on. Anyone else dealt with this behaviour?

pocketsaviour Tue 22-Aug-17 17:41:37

Does he get unreasonably angry in day to day life - has he been in trouble at work for causing arguments, or had fallouts with friends and family?

Or does he save all his anger for you?

Joto369 Tue 22-Aug-17 17:49:27

No not at work now though when we first met I did see him get quite angry with a coworker and he is certainly better than he was a year ago when he was clearly an unhappy chap especially when caught out! He seems much more settled so when it does happen it's a bit like wow where did that come from and it us never about anything I have done just situations like today if that makes sense! !! Doesn't see or speak to his family very much (they are overseas) and he has no friends other than work colleagues.

AttilaTheMeerkat Tue 22-Aug-17 18:16:46

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

Why did you forgive his infidelity?.

I would read this article and see how much of this resonates with your own experiences of him generally:-

www.drjoecarver.com/clients/49355/File/IdentifyingLosers.html

Joto369 Tue 22-Aug-17 18:48:14

I get a lot of support and love, fun, shared outlooks and interests. I forgave him because we wanted to make our relationship work and so far its doing great. Out of that list I couldn't attribute any to him at all. It's almost like he can't cope with his feelings at times or often like this where he feels I've been offended as the driver did. I'd rather find a way of resolving it if this is part of him.

Fishface77 Tue 22-Aug-17 19:20:47

You haven't really forgiven it op. It's there at the back of your mind niggling at you. Have you had counselling?

Joto369 Tue 22-Aug-17 21:48:00

We have yes - it was very helpful and looked at stuff from both our sides that weren't helpful. It's still there sometimes yes but it's not linear process!!!

Fishface77 Wed 23-Aug-17 00:29:35

Was his anger addressed at that time? Or his temper? Is this a new thing?

Could it be a deal breaker?

Joto369 Wed 23-Aug-17 14:57:33

Yes it was dealt with and he also had individual counselling - its not a new thing but its certainly not as regular as it was last year. We had a chat last night and he apologised for sounding off - he didn't like the way the man was rude to me and took it personally which was discussed in counselling. its not a deal breaker no - if it was a constant thing and he hadn't looked at it then it would be yes

Adora10 Wed 23-Aug-17 15:09:34

He doesn't sound very nice or supportive, blames you for his own shitty behaviour, says a lot.

As for his temper tantrums, you do know here are men out there who don't cheat, who cherish, and who don't upset their partners with their stupid anger.

WorkingBling Wed 23-Aug-17 15:12:03

If someone has anger issues they need to deal with it. DH saw a therapist for a few months before we were married and goes back for "refreshers" every few years. Because he knows that out of control anger is not right and totally inappropriate, as well as dangerous to himself and others. Your DH, if he really understands there's a problem, should do the same.

Joto369 Wed 23-Aug-17 17:07:14

Workingbling - he's had counselling which he found very difficult due to what it dug up and his anger is such now that this is the first outburst since March. He has learned a lot about himself and we both did about each other so it was worth it. As I said he apologised last night and I think that's the way to deal with it if it every arises again. Cheers

WorkingBling Thu 24-Aug-17 07:39:52

The counselling sounds good and proactive. As I said, dh goes back. In the beginning more
Often but his last few sessions were the first in a few years and, as we realised after, the result of him not realising that he was furious with a family member and their situation.

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