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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Children Dislike Girlfriend

58 replies

suneagle · 22/08/2017 11:02

My teenage children dislike my girlfriend and I don't know what to do. She doesn't really like them either.

They don't talk to each other when they are together but constantly complain about the other. My girlfriend is jealous of the fact that I spend most of my money on my children and resents the time I spend speaking to them each evening.

My children live with their mother in the week and visit me each weekend.

I like my girlfriend, maybe love. We have very different views on politics and society but we have the same long term objectives (live peacefully by the sea).

Question is should I break up with my girlfriend because my children don't like her and because she resents my children?

OP posts:

Report

HarrietKettleWasHere · 22/08/2017 11:04

Sorry but some shared ideal to 'live peacefully by the sea' made me scoff. She doesn't like your children. End of.

Mountainviewloo · 22/08/2017 11:05

My girlfriend is jealous of the fact that I spend most of my money on my children and resents the time I spend speaking to them each evening.

Yes, you should break up with her.

XJerseyGirlX · 22/08/2017 11:06

She doesn't like your kids, is jealous of the money you spend on them. There will be no "living peacefully by the sea" with her around. more peaceful on your own I think

TheNaze73 · 22/08/2017 11:07

Bin her off. Children first

Justmuddlingalong · 22/08/2017 11:12

We have very different views on politics and society but we have the same long term objectives (live peacefully by the sea). Oh, that makes it all ok then

sourgrapes28 · 22/08/2017 11:13

I feel sorry for your children that you've had to ask this twice. If you want to be with her then go ahead but don't expect to have a relationship with your children as they will know you chose your girlfriend over your kids. I don't speak to my father for the same reason and neither does my brother!

Shoxfordian · 22/08/2017 11:15

Didn't you post this the other day? I think everyone was telling you to break up with her

Qvar · 22/08/2017 11:18

You've already asked us this. Your girlfriend is not a nice person and your kids have recognised this. Yes, I get that she's probably the sexiest thing you've ever been allowed to touch, but she's a shithead. Bin her or you are going To lose your kids forever.

kimlo · 22/08/2017 11:19

your girlfriend sounds like a nasty person. She doesn't like your children. She's racist.

The question should be why would you want to be with her? Why would you want your children to be around her.

And I didn't read all the replies on your last thread but I'm pretty sure that's what you were told then.

Beentherelefthimgotthetshirt · 22/08/2017 11:19

I bet your house by the sea won't be big enough / have the right view / be near the right town for your GF because you spent all your money on your children...

DancesWithOtters · 22/08/2017 11:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sourgrapes28 · 22/08/2017 11:21

I can see it now. Op chooses girlfriend, kids disown him, girlfriend bleeds him dry ( hence the jealousy of spending on kids ), girlfriend leaves, op has sad lonely retirement where he can sit and think about the consequences of his actions and how he gave everything up for a woman who couldn't even make the effort with his kids. She doesn't love you or she would be making an effort.

kimlo · 22/08/2017 11:22

yes it is, with less information.

Maybe he's hoping a slightly editied version will get diffrent replies and he can use them to justify the fact he has no intention of putting his children first.

inlectorecumbit · 22/08/2017 11:22

Gf is transient
Dc's are forever. If you chose your GF you will lose your DC's especially when they are at such an impressionable age.

Only a very poor father would not put his DC's first !!

suneagle · 22/08/2017 11:26

Thank you

Yes I posted yesterday too but wanted to hear advice that wasn't potentially influenced by the fact that my Girlfriend is from Eastern Europe.

Thank you all for your comments.

I have not used Mumsnet before but I wanted to get some thoughts that were not biased (my friends all know how bad my ex wife was and were happy that I have found someone new).

Recovering from a nasty divorce has been tough and when I found someone who ticked most (but clearly not all) of the boxes I felt so relieved that I risked overlooking some key problems.

My children have always been my main focus and they will continue to be the single biggest part of my life.

Thank you for the comments. I know what to do (if not how to do it).

OP posts:

Bananamama1213 · 22/08/2017 11:26

My DH has had this issue growing up. Around 14 his dad remarried and the wife didn't like his 2 children and they didn't like her.

She had children of her own and one unfortunately shared a birthday with DH. He either wasn't allowed to see his dad on his birthday.. or one year he was brought a game from his dad and wasn't allowed to play it because it was the other child's birthday!

Children should come before partners.

suneagle · 22/08/2017 11:28

Thank you

Yes I posted yesterday too but wanted to hear advice that wasn't potentially influenced by the fact that my Girlfriend is from Eastern Europe.

Thank you all for your comments.

I have not used Mumsnet before but I wanted to get some thoughts that were not biased (my friends all know how bad my ex wife was and were happy that I have found someone new).

Recovering from a nasty divorce has been tough and when I found someone who ticked most (but clearly not all) of the boxes I felt so relieved that I risked overlooking some key problems.

My children have always been my main focus and they will continue to be the single biggest part of my life.

Thank you for the comments. I know what to do (if not how to do it).

OP posts:

FuzzyOwl · 22/08/2017 11:28

My children have always been my main focus and they will continue to be the single biggest part of my life.

Then I cannot believe you even need to ask or that you have stayed with someone who disliked them and they didn't get on with.

kimlo · 22/08/2017 11:29

the fact your girlfriend is from eastern europe is neither here nor there.

The fact that she doesn't like your children is the main point.

How to do it is easy "I can't be with someone who dislikes my children". Ignore the crying and promises to make more of an effor, she wont change.

You will find someone, she isn't that person. She doesn't add value to you life.

BubbleAnimal · 22/08/2017 11:30

How long have you been together? Surely you know whether you love someone before you introduce them to your kids?

End it with her. Your kids come first. She sounds young and bitter tbh

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 22/08/2017 11:32

It doesn't matter where she's from - no one on the previous thread condemned the relationship because she was Eastern European. They told you she sounded like a narrow minded cow, but that's exactly how you described her.
Your children are your priority so please come to the same decision as the other thread and remove this toxic woman from your lives. You shouldn't be in a relationship with Anyone who resents your children. It's not exactly rocket science.

thethoughtfox · 22/08/2017 11:32

To chose to share your life and home with someone who resents your children will damage them for life.

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ChilliMary · 22/08/2017 11:33

Isn't this second thread for the same thing?

jeaux90 · 22/08/2017 11:34

What sort of shitty person acts like that? Resents your kids? Doesn't like you talking to them or spending money on them?

One who is utterly selfish.

Ffs get rid, you are walking a dangerous path here with your kids if you don't.

Put them first. And you!! I mean seriously, why would you want to be with a selfish asshole? Don't you deserve better?

You came out of a shit marriage sure but as people on here are fond of saying the only acceptable level of abuse is none.

She is being emotionally abusive and bullying you.

kingfishergreen · 22/08/2017 11:34

Yes I posted yesterday too but wanted to hear advice that wasn't potentially influenced by the fact that my Girlfriend is from Eastern Europe.

Just because she's racist doesn't mean that we are.

In my mind, racism and homophobia are reason enough not to be with someone. Because they're not a nice person.

With the addition of her not liking your children, it's an immediate and obvious 'no'.

As a previous poster said, just tell her that you can't be with someone who doesn't like your kids. End of story.

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