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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

I think I want to leave my df

173 replies

Maddogs · 22/08/2017 00:18

So we have been together 3 years. I was 18 months out of a really bad 10 year relationship with the only joy a DD.

DF has a DS. When he is here the kids ask me to play board games, sing, bake etc.

There is so much I could say. He begged for a dog (now have 2) Never walks them. He doesn't contribute financially other than take aways and frilly stuff.

Embarrasses me in front of my parents re money and entitlement.

Straw that broke my back? Went shopping for camping holiday. He told my DD pick what you want.
Then said ring grandad to pay for it and started putting what she picked back.

I walked out carrying a crying confused child and screamed like a banshee in the car park at him. How fucking dare he do that to a child!!!

Today he pretended it was all in my head. That he is stressed at work, is sorry but won't admit what he did. Is trying to make it about me being moody.

I think I've just hit a road block emotionally.
Meant to be getting married next year. Am I over reacting?

OP posts:

Report

gamerchick · 22/08/2017 00:23

Nope, don't marry him and be glad you don't rely on him for money.

Looks like you've reached your limit. Time for the plan to free yourself IMO.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 22/08/2017 00:25

Get rid. He's a loser and a user.

Does he live with you?

Casmama · 22/08/2017 00:25

I think you have been under reacting for far too long. This guy sounds like a fucking nightmare and you would've well rid.

Casmama · 22/08/2017 00:26

Would be

SerfTerf · 22/08/2017 00:30

Oh no, don't doubt yourself. Get rid. He's a nasty article.

FetchezLaVache · 22/08/2017 00:30

Cruel, gaslighting, feckless fucking embarrassment. Run, OP, and don't look back.

Maddogs · 22/08/2017 00:35

Yes he lives with me. My house (mortgaged). I'm just so tired of fighting, he is a misogynistic arse hole. And then he is lovely.

But he crossed a line. He hurt my 6 yr old DD. You don't tell a child pick what you want and then say you won't pay for it. I was and still am incandescent.

OP posts:

SandyY2K · 22/08/2017 00:36

He's a liability and he was horrible to your DD. What an idiot. Don't marry him.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 22/08/2017 00:45

Have you told him to leave your house yet?

Or have you let him come back to his free housing, free food, free electricity, etc after he did that to your child?

That won't look like protection to your child now will it? What's the point of being incandescent if it does not result in action?

How will you get rid?

Mrscropley · 22/08/2017 00:47

Sorry this ain't working for me and dd anymore.
So fuck off.
Should do it just fine.

Maddogs · 22/08/2017 00:50

I slept with DD last night. He is currently in work and I have told him how I feel in explicit terms. He says he doesn't understand my problem, my dad has lots of money (he doesn't I've stood on my own two feet since I was 21). I've told him I am millimetres away from Chou king him out.

His reply - I'm sorry

OP posts:

Maddogs · 22/08/2017 00:51

Chucking not ordering a Chinese

OP posts:

Mrscropley · 22/08/2017 00:51

But is he sorry for what he did to your dd or sorry you are pissed off with him?
Big difference.

Maddogs · 22/08/2017 00:52

Oh and I am well aware re protecting children as I called safeguarding on my ex. He had supervised visits now.
DD comes first. Always.

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JWrecks · 22/08/2017 00:56

He'll only become worse once you're settled into marriage. The misogynistic arse will be around far more than the lovely man.

Once the relationship is secure (and he's living in YOUR house, presumably) the real him will emerge, and it will certainly not be better.

Maddogs · 22/08/2017 00:56

Sorry I'm pissed off I think. He thinks she is just a child and it won't affect her.

It will. Imagine being told you can have whatever you want. Then no actually you can't and ring grandad for it, I knew he was in a bad mood that day and I blame myself for not seeing what he was up to. She just looked confused when he handed her the phone, then said it costs too much and started putting things back.

Understandably she burst into tears, I scooped her up and went back to the car. I screamed blue murder at him in the car park (DD in car, door shut). Then went back in and bought her what she wanted/needed.

He still thinks he has done no harm.

OP posts:

Maddogs · 22/08/2017 00:58

It is my house, my name on the mortgage and the deeds. If I marry him he could take me for half.

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TattyCat · 22/08/2017 00:59

He says he doesn't understand my problem, my dad has lots of money

He's an arse. Don't marry this pathetic excuse of a man because he thinks he's in for an easy financial ride.

Don't forget, this is him before marriage, putting on his best behaviour... enough said. You're better off alone than with this 'man'.

AntiHop · 22/08/2017 01:01

You've answered your own question. You will always put your dd first.

TattyCat · 22/08/2017 01:05

You will always put your dd first.

And you should. IF you're struggling with him, imagine what might happen if something happened to you and she's left with her lovely step-father? Sorry, but it could happen. He won't have her best interests at heart, will he? He is motivated by money, yet lazy.

SerfTerf · 22/08/2017 01:09

Don't blame yourself.
Don't listen to his drivel.
Don't kid yourself that a car door is sound proof.
Don't scream.
Just get him out.

Maddogs · 22/08/2017 01:11

I was left in a lot of debt when I split with dd's dad (I left him). Mortgage, joint loan, nursery fees etc. Mum and dad kept me afloat. My nostrils are still above water because of them.

But now they are retired. Six months ago I finally gave into the dog demands. On specific conditions regarding training and walking. First
Pup died unfortunately and cost £2k in vet bills. Mum and dad got a loan to help us out. DF had a PPI payout of 6k two weeks ago.

He offered 1k to mum and dad. Then changed his mind a day later. He wouldn't speak to them and is pissed off that they were annoyed.

I paid them 750 this week. Hence the ring your grandad comments.

I'm just so tired of the mind fuck games. The arguements over why they won't just give us the money. How his parents would have (both dead). And now he isn't prepared to see my parents for at least a year.

Really? What did they do? Expect him to keep his promises? Omg.

OP posts:

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Maddogs · 22/08/2017 01:12

It isn't just me is it? He truely is an arsehole.

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SerfTerf · 22/08/2017 01:14

No, not just you.

Nobody worth knowing pulls a stunt like that on a six year old. It reveals temper, childishness, bitterness, pooot impulse control ON TOP of cocklodger tendencies.

Maddogs · 22/08/2017 01:17

What's a pooot impulse?
And yes agree to the rest.

OP posts:

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