Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Do I send one final message to formally end it or just leave things now?

(55 Posts)
JesusTapdancingChrist Mon 21-Aug-17 08:44:45

Have been in a bit of an on/off relationship for the past few years. Genuine feelings there but also genuine issues. He is a woeful communicator for one, shuts down/storms off rather than talk about stuff. He was also starting to get a bit lazy, no thoughtful gestures, we never went away for as much as a night, he never texts me when he had his DC, he was getting a bit selfish in bed (sex has always been fantastic before). And this is when we only see each other once or twice a week so should still be fun.

I told him a few weeks ago that I wasn't happy with how things were, instead of our relationship moving forwards it was starting to feel stagnant and a bit pointless. He said he was surprised but let's find a way to "move forwards together".

Since then, nothing. I've had a manic few weeks with family visiting, my DC have been busy and I became extremely unwell for a week. Didn't hear a peep from him. I know this goes both ways but tbh I was expecting him to make some sort of effort so wasn't keen on texting him first (as a I have always done in the past) Not game-playing, just no energy left to try. I'm feeling loads better now and am quite happy spending my child free time on my own. Have sorted my garden, joined a gym and am generally quite content.

As I said, not a peep from him. This has happened before. The combination of his poor communication skills and male pride make him unable to extend the olive branch. Last time it happened I cracked and got in touch and he leapt at the chance to meet up/reconcile. This time I just cannot be arsed. I'm in my mid 30's, he's in his 40's. I just do not have time or energy for this nonsense anymore.

I've deleted his number from my phone. A small part of me is tempted to send one last text along the lines of 'Just to make it clear, I'm done now. Your complete inability to communicate like an adult is not something I'm willing to put up with anymore.' and then blocking him. This isn't me trying to engage him btw, more a way of drawing a line under the whole thing and not spending the next few weeks semi-wondering if he'll message me.

Text or just leave things as they are?

ShatnersWig Mon 21-Aug-17 08:46:13

LEAVE IT.

I've put it in capitals to make sure you know how seriously I mean it.

Mayhemmumma Mon 21-Aug-17 08:46:42

Leave it

JohnLapsleyParlabane Mon 21-Aug-17 08:47:04

I'd just leave it. If he was committed, he would have contacted you.

JoWithABow Mon 21-Aug-17 08:47:19

Last time it happened I cracked and got in touch and he leapt at the chance to meet up/reconcile

I think you are in danger of doing this again.

Just leave it, if you are happy and content now then there is no need

BigBairyHollocks Mon 21-Aug-17 08:47:29

Leave it,he won't contact you by the sounds of it,there's nothing to be gained by contacting him.Enjoy the peace without him.

Paddington68 Mon 21-Aug-17 08:47:41

LEAVE IT. STOP MOVING BACKWARDS

JesusTapdancingChrist Mon 21-Aug-17 08:47:43

grin Message received Shatners

I am about 80/20 leave it/text so it's only in moments of weakness that I'm tempted but I need the kick up the arse to make it 100/0.

FilledSoda Mon 21-Aug-17 08:51:07

I know that feeling of wanting closure.
Write a letter , get it all out , then burn it

JesusTapdancingChrist Mon 21-Aug-17 08:51:56

You're all ace, thank you flowers.

That's a good idea Soda (would murder one right now btw).

JesusTapdancingChrist Mon 21-Aug-17 08:53:05

I've also stopped drinking completely so won't be having any of those wine weakness moments either. Woo!

Coldkebab Mon 21-Aug-17 08:57:00

Your better then that hun. Well done for being strong so far.

ShatnersWig Mon 21-Aug-17 08:58:58

OP I am currently imagining I am Father Ted Crilly and you are Bishop Len Brennan.

This will mean nothing to non Father Ted watchers, but those who do wil understand the reference.

JK1773 Mon 21-Aug-17 09:01:45

Haha kick her up the arse grin

ShatnersWig Mon 21-Aug-17 09:02:50

JK Although pretty impressive, because actually I'd be going even higher than a Bishop, having just noticed the OP's username

Putyourhandsintheair Mon 21-Aug-17 09:02:59

*ShatnersWig 😂
Oh! SO leave it!

ShatnersWig Mon 21-Aug-17 09:05:30

OP Is that the face of Jesus I see in your skirting board down there? Go on, bend over and have a closer look....

JesusTapdancingChrist Mon 21-Aug-17 09:10:24

😂😂

"Don't call me Len, you little prick!"

ShatnersWig Mon 21-Aug-17 09:12:01

Dougal has taken the photo, OP, so consider your arse totally kicked as requested.

This service has been brought to you by ShatnersWig.

mummmy2017 Mon 21-Aug-17 09:14:37

Don't send a message.
Just keep talking to us when every you feel you need to, that way the urge will pass before you weaken in RL.
Good luck on being single and having a better life.

GreyFluffball Mon 21-Aug-17 10:04:04

Definitely leave it. Chances are he'll use it as an excuse to open up communication again - he'll see it as you making that first move. Stay strong.

JesusTapdancingChrist Mon 21-Aug-17 10:06:30

Thanks mummy and Grey. Feeling very strong right now. The best revenge is a life well lived and all that.

Very glad to have MN as real life friends are pretty thin on the ground at the moment 🙁.

mummmy2017 Mon 21-Aug-17 10:25:06

Then make that your goal, instead of dating him find a group of people who meet and go join in. there are meet ups where you just turn up

It's called meet up . com.

You just join for your area and it sends out when meetings are happening.

Stay strong, and when and if he calls remember it's just a bootie call.

Huskylover1 Mon 21-Aug-17 12:11:58

The minute you text him, you've handed him your self respect on a platter. Don't do it.

It's been weeks now. You're supposed to be his GF, and he doesn't even know if you are safe or alive. He doesn't give two flying fucks. So, fuck him. Seriously.

jeaux90 Mon 21-Aug-17 12:55:33

Yep fuck him. And you could do the two fingered fuck you dance....think the caravan scene but whilst doing the two fingered salute grin

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: