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Should I ask where I stand?

(31 Posts)
teaandcakeat8 Sun 20-Aug-17 19:34:57

I met a guy online. We've seen each other four times:

1 - drinks at a local bar
2 - drinks then back to his where we had dinner with his housemate
3 - he came over late and we had sex then he left

I was supposed to go out with him Friday night but I had a migraine so had to cancel.

4 - I've just seen him this afternoon. I literally went over for a few hours but we ended up having sex a lot.

I wasn't sure about him at first but now I like him. Should I carry on like this or ask for clarification over where he sees it going? I feel like four times is perhaps too soon but at the same time I don't want to waste time.

So should I find out where I stand or go with it a little longer?

Rubyrose26 Sun 20-Aug-17 19:37:54

I wouldn't ask just yet. I would focus more on going out together and getting to know one another.....try not to just meet up for sex or you'll end up Fwb, I've been there!

ppandj Sun 20-Aug-17 19:40:19

I agree with rubyrose. I probably wouldn't ask just yet but if you can try to engineer a few more dates to get to know eachother you might get a vibe off him anyway. Good luck!

RaininSummer Sun 20-Aug-17 19:53:07

It sounds like you haven't been out together much but there has been a fair bit of sex. I think if the next 'date' is another meet n shag I would ask some questions.

TheNaze73 Sun 20-Aug-17 19:57:42

What exactly do you want clarification on?? I'm confused

teaandcakeat8 Sun 20-Aug-17 20:04:23

I want to know if I should ask where he sees it going or if I should wait and see him a bit longer...

JK1773 Sun 20-Aug-17 20:06:14

No no no, it's far too soon for conversations like that. I think it would come across as a bit needy. Just relax and concentrate on your next date for now

garmsfresh Sun 20-Aug-17 20:13:44

Don't ask him that ! But be aware he now probably thinks your DTF.And may not put that much effort in.

Shoxfordian Sun 20-Aug-17 20:22:53

Yeah it's too soon to have that conversation

Just let it progress naturally

TheNaze73 Sun 20-Aug-17 20:34:28

I'm with you now OP.

My answer is God no! After 4 dates, if most people were asked that, they'd run a mile.

Don't ask yet. Maybe in 6 months

user1493413286 Sun 20-Aug-17 20:34:40

I'd let it progress naturally rather than start a conversation at this early stage but not so much with just seeing him for sex (obviously nothing wrong with that) but I've been in situations where it's then just been about that rather than progressing anywhere and then been disappointed. I'd make suggestions to go out places/dinner etc.

LesisMiserable Sun 20-Aug-17 20:38:48

Where do you see it going?

teaandcakeat8 Sun 20-Aug-17 20:52:53

I like him and I don't want it to be just sex.

Perhaps I'll just delete his number and see if he then gets in touch.

He is very vey busy so I get he's been fitting me in at odd times e.g. late evenings - but I still would like it to go somewhere.

teaandcakeat8 Sun 20-Aug-17 20:55:15

I've wasted time and effort in these situations before and it's ended up just sex and I wonder if I'm better off finding out his intentions earlier on..

whatisgoingon1 Sun 20-Aug-17 20:58:14

In my experience if you need to ask where you stand,it's going nowhere

SparklingRaspberry Sun 20-Aug-17 21:02:08

Don't delete his number. Don't play games guessing how he's feeling.

Next time he wants you to go over say you'd rather do something together outside the bedroom. If he cancels or comes up with excuses you have your answer

Melabela10 Sun 20-Aug-17 21:15:54

How old are you and your date OP?

I agree with PPs, there is no need to have any talks and let the things progress naturally. You will feel when it gets serious but you need to allow some time.

Naturally all relationship start with psychal attraction and sex and then as they progress people get to know each other better and let it grow into something more serious.

user1493413286 Sun 20-Aug-17 21:18:41

I'm with you on the not wasting time but if it is just sex he wants it's unlikely he'll tell you that but you will see it in his actions.
I think it's too early to judge now tho.

Mushroomburger17 Sun 20-Aug-17 21:21:06

Make sure you go out for dates. See if he'll make the effort to do this.

lampshady Sun 20-Aug-17 21:28:00

Going against the grain - I only sleep with one person at a time (but happy to date a few) so I'd want to know if he was sleeping with other people, or to ask him to let me know if he wanted to so I could stop sleeping with him. No issue at that early stage if they do want to sleep with others, it's just not my personal preference to have sex with someone who's having sex with other women.

It wouldn't be an exclusivity chat, more for my sexual health.

user1488575338 Sun 20-Aug-17 21:28:26

Let him wine and dine you, popping over for a shag and leaving afterwards isn't dating. It's convenient sex.

DelphiniumBlue Sun 20-Aug-17 21:29:01

Sounds like booty calls to me. If you want it to be a relationship, then make dates where sex isn't always involved, and where he's made some effort to spend time with you doing something nice.
If he's keen, he will make an effort, despite working late etc, but if you just accept him turning up at midnight for a shag, then that's what he'll keep doing. No problem if you're happy with that, but if you're not, now would be a good time to start setting boundaries.

lookatyourwatchnow Sun 20-Aug-17 21:35:53

Sorry OP, I'm another one raining on your parade. He isn't dating you, he's having casual sex at his convenience with you. If that had been what you wanted too, fine, but it isn't.

teaandcakeat8 Sun 20-Aug-17 21:37:46

He isn't sleeping with anyone else and he's happy to be on his phone etc in front of me (suggests there are no other girls).

We were supposed to be on a date Friday but I had to cancel, I've just asked if he wants to get dinner this week so will see if he responds.

I'm 28 and he is 31.

Ellisandra Sun 20-Aug-17 21:42:53

Well 3 and 4 were just booty calls.
Fine if you're happy with that, but I don't think you are.

Interested that you weren't sure about him but now you like him. Which sounds like the 2 dates that you spent actual TIME together - you weren't sure. Then after the fuck and go on date 3 you decide you like him. Could just be oxytocin and bonding because of the sex! I'd have a good think about why you weren't sure about him to start with.

Btw - no judgment on fuck and go, if it suits you. But I am hmm that he came over late and then didn't stay, the first time you had sex.

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