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DH stayed in bed all day - sulking.

(115 Posts)
brightnearly Sun 20-Aug-17 19:16:32

10 years if marriage, 2 DC primary school age.

Last night he accused me of not supporting him with regard to his career ambitions. He forcefully demanded that I let him study today (not a course, self study), said that was his need; if he cannot study, he will feel miserable.

I said yes.

He then accused me of not really supporting him, I say yes but it doesn't come "from the heart" and I'm not "getting it". And if he lost his job and could not support the family any longer, I'll see the result of my lack of support, and he "will not forget". And then he said he would not study. I was frozen, and said nothing.

Today he spent all day in bed, not interacting with anyone. The children have wondered what on earth was going on.

I think this is nightmarish behaviour - he cannot expect to control my feelings, surely - and hugely damaging. I'm feeling thoroughly ill tonight.

shortninbread Sun 20-Aug-17 19:21:02

Sounds like you had been supportive by saying yes! Perhaps this is a mid-career crisis? Do you think really he wants you to say 'yes go back and study, to change your career or find yourself?'

Mysteriouscurle Sun 20-Aug-17 19:28:47

You agreed to what he asked and he said all that shit to you? Does he do that a lot? If this isnt a one off its a LTB from me. Would you ever dream of treating him like that?

Seeingadistance Sun 20-Aug-17 19:30:16

If this behaviour is out of character could he be having some kind of breakdown?

wizzywig Sun 20-Aug-17 19:30:20

Is he always like this? Has he taken on too much with work and studying?

Guiltypleasures001 Sun 20-Aug-17 19:34:55

He didn't want to study but maybe knows he has too, he's manufactured an argument with you to get out of it.

brightnearly Sun 20-Aug-17 19:45:21

It's not a one off.

He told me I discouraged him from studying (again, self-study, and something slightly different from now) about three years ago when I freed up all his time during the Christmas break from any childcare duties - but became disgruntled by the end of it.

I cannot see (apparently) the truly vital necessity of his studying.

And then he spends all day in bed, doing nothing, just to show me.

AnyFucker Sun 20-Aug-17 19:47:54

Your kids are witnessing this bullshit

Way to fuck them up

missyB1 Sun 20-Aug-17 19:48:36

is he depressed? He sounds illogical and a bit paranoid? I would tell him to make an appointment with the GP because he's not making sense.

SandyY2K Sun 20-Aug-17 19:49:46

Is the study for interest, or to progress in his career?

Christinayangstwistedsista Sun 20-Aug-17 19:49:55

Tell him to try studying how to be a good father and husband

DewDropsonKittens Sun 20-Aug-17 19:51:27

What does "self' study mean?

As, if he is studying for a qualification to better himself them i agree he needs time each week to study

He is unreasonable to not to then take the actual time to study and if i was being emotionally blackmailed by my husband i would be getting my exit plan in place

He sounds petulant

brightnearly Sun 20-Aug-17 19:51:56

AnyFucker That's my main concern. But for the kids I'd be outta here.

WhateverNameIsStillAvailable Sun 20-Aug-17 19:52:08

Weird... if this isn't the norm I'd try talking to him and ask what's really going on.
Maybe he just needs a day of staying in bed for the day and he didn't want to ask cause it would mean he'd be selfish not looking after kids with you.
I've had a day like that today myself.
I need it every once in a while. Telly and snacks and someone to bring me tea. wink

ChopinLisztFinder Sun 20-Aug-17 19:52:11

Sounds like my ex. In his eyes, I was either wrong or more wrong. It was so frustrating as no matter how hard I tried, he was angry at me and everything was my fault.

I do not miss him. I hope that Brexit negotiations result in him being able to stay in the EU country he's moved to. Thousands of miles away is still to close.


Your DH is being a completely unreasonable twat.

Christinayangstwistedsista Sun 20-Aug-17 19:53:23

I think you have missed the point about the kids. Its damaging for them tyo see their father behave like this

brightnearly Sun 20-Aug-17 19:53:23

The study is to change careers into a different (creative) field. He's taking private tuition, but not a degree.

Most of the studying is learning via books/tutorials.

BornAgainScorpion Sun 20-Aug-17 19:54:38

Tell him to try studying how to be a good father and husband

I don't think OP is stupid enough to take this awful advice.

FinallyDecidedOnUserName Sun 20-Aug-17 19:54:50

Weird - is he like 20 or something?

brightnearly Sun 20-Aug-17 19:55:49

He might have needed the day for himself - blaming me for being unsupportive resulted in no tea being brought to him, Whatever

Joysmum Sun 20-Aug-17 19:56:50

Self study is where you've got the course materials and study at your own pace. It's a great way to gain a qualification because you do it at your own pace.

However, some people don't do well self studying because it requires self motivation and organization.

Sounds to me like he's struggling and is setting you up for all the blame if he fails to pass or even get to the stage where he's ready for the exam.

brightnearly Sun 20-Aug-17 19:56:56

BornAgain not sure if your optimism is justified...

AnyFucker Sun 20-Aug-17 19:57:05

For the sake of my kids, he would be out of my life

Why are you pandering to this crap ?

Christinayangstwistedsista Sun 20-Aug-17 19:57:07

Do you get time to yourself ?

Christinayangstwistedsista Sun 20-Aug-17 19:57:44

Born again

What are you on about?

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