Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Partner looking at other women when out with you

(67 Posts)
puglady Sat 19-Aug-17 18:56:01

Would it bother you?

Am I unreasonable to feel hurt, disrespected and inadequate?

If you brought it up with him what reaction would you expect / would be acceptable to you?

Any thoughts would be appreciated

TriHard27 Sat 19-Aug-17 18:57:34

I'd hate it. I think everyone notices attractive people, it's only natural but I'd feel like a fool standing next to a man who was openly gawping at someone else. It makes a bit of a mug of your partner.

FinallyDecidedOnUserName Sat 19-Aug-17 18:59:01

Mine defo notices attractive women but he's v subtle - I hope I'm as subtle when I see a hot bloke.

RandomMess Sat 19-Aug-17 18:59:46

Quick discreet notices may happen occasionally, however that would mean their partner would be oblivious!!

Anything else is humiliating IMHO

EsmeeMerlin Sat 19-Aug-17 19:01:02

It depends if he was openly staring, mouth open and making it really obvious or if he was subtle. I don't expect my partner to look at the ground and not notice attractive people. I know that I have certainly looked at attractive men but we don't look for long and it is not really obvious.

stevie69 Sat 19-Aug-17 19:01:20

I wouldn't bother much about that: I'm not renowned for my looks. If, however, he had a conversation with someone else, and decided that she was smarter than I am, then that might annoy me a little more blush

PinkHeart5911 Sat 19-Aug-17 19:01:55

Well I don't expect anyone in a relationship to never look at anyone again but out of respect the the other party they should make sure it's not obvious.

I do notice a good looking man and I'm sure dh notices attractive women but we don't make it noticeable to each other. I'd feel a bit of an idiot tbh standing there knowing dh was drooling over someone

If it was something I ever needed to mention to dh I think he'd apologise for making it obvious and try to be more discreet in future

Moanyoldcow Sat 19-Aug-17 19:03:29

It depends on the look I think. It's normal to notice attractive people. I also know my DHs type (me 15 years ago!) and would probably point her out - 'DH - doesn't she look nice? She's your type isn't she?' And he'd prob replay 'yeah, she's nice. But young. What do you want to eat?' And that would be it.

Likewise my DH might do the same if he saw someone who was my type but there aren't many Robb Stark types about blush

I wouldn't like leering but a general appreciation wouldn't bother me.

Moanyoldcow Sat 19-Aug-17 19:04:10

Stevie - now THAT would seriously piss me off too!

fairgame84 Sat 19-Aug-17 19:09:03

I wouldn't bother me if it was discreet but my twatty ex was not and comments included-
"I wish you dressed like that"
"You should do your makeup like that"
"At least she makes an effort"
I don't need to tell you why he's an ex. Twat.
If it's affecting you by making you feel hurt or worthless and affecting your self esteem then it's not ok.

Princesspinkgirl Sat 19-Aug-17 21:00:11

It's out of order it would bother me

Farontothemaddingcrowd Sat 19-Aug-17 21:01:39

I would find obvious looks really disrespectful

gamerchick Sat 19-Aug-17 21:08:09

Depends on what you mean OP. Are you the type who requires your man to stare at the ground while out and will snatch a paper or magazine away and leap for the remote to turn the telly over or is he doing blatant eyes on stalks and looks longer than necessary so that it's making her uncomfortable?

thestamp Sat 19-Aug-17 21:09:57

It would take significantly more than a human being looking at another human being to make me feel "inadequate".

My self worth isn't determined by what my OH does or doesn't do.

Beyond that, men who visibly slather over women in public tend to make me feel repulsed. So, anyone who was my OH would be v unlikely to be a lech as well.

If my OH started to be a lech all of a suddenly, I'd break off the relationship since I'd not want to have sex with him anymore so what would the point be.

Escapepeas Sat 19-Aug-17 21:13:58

Everyone notices other people but to make it obvious is disrespectful and would piss me off massively if DH did it. Fortunately, he does not.

He used to have a friend who did and it was excruciating. We'd be out with friend and his GF and he would be constantly ogling and remarking on women he saw. Poor GF, she clearly hated it and found it humiliating. I did once call him on it which apparently made me a 'bitch' and 'outspoken'.

TheLuminaries Sat 19-Aug-17 21:16:06

When I am with DH he makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the room. So he may notice other attractive women, but he never makes me feel like he wants to be with anyone other than me and he counts himself very lucky to be taking me home. If your partner doesn't make you feel like that, then that is your problem, rather than noticing other women per se.

SmokedPigletGuts Sat 19-Aug-17 21:19:22

I must be a freak of nature. I don't leer at or notice attractive men....

Btw, just because a behaviour is natural or normal (common) doesn't mean it's morally right. And that is up to you to decide what you feel comfortable with.

MaisyPops Sat 19-Aug-17 21:19:23

Everyone notices other people who are attractive (though some people kid themselves that their partner and relationship is so perfect they wouldn't dream of it, which i always feel a bit cynical about).

If we are talking about their eyes noticing someone attractive, normal and reasonable.

If we're talking about pervy gawping, not ok and just rude.

But I know for a fact there are people who take the view 'i feel a bit insecure about an element of my appearance so my partner should never look at another woman, find them attravtive or even talk to them in case I think it's flirting. If he won't follow my dictatory rules then he clearly doesn't respect me'.

ChinkChink Sat 19-Aug-17 21:20:30

What they said.

Everyone clocks an attractive person looming on the horizon. Totally normal, and doesn't mean you want to cheat on your partner with them.

What's unacceptable is leering at or leching over them. There's a massive difference.

Oh - and deliberately making appreciative remarks about that person in order to make one's partner feel bad is callous.

MrsC2000 Sat 19-Aug-17 21:23:27

My hubby tries to be discreet but usually fails miserably 😃 I know his 'type' so we'll though that I normally see someone he'd like before he does. I think it would bother me if we had other problems in our relationship or he was making it really obvious and disrespectful. If he did it in front of the kids then I would be mad!

Minkyfluffster Sat 19-Aug-17 22:02:00

My ex was terrible, previous gf went to the toilet and carried on to her car leaving him there as she was pussed off with him ogling the waitresses. I should have ran when he told me story then dated him long enough for many humiliatingly evenings of him looking at other woman to wreck my self asteem.

His view was that he knew that he did it, even went so far that he would verbally suggest a seating arrangement where he wouldn't do it but still did. I was sat there all dressed up feeling foolish.

Sistersofmercy101 Sat 19-Aug-17 22:20:36

If my OH notices an attractive lady - he keeps it to himself, or makes a sotto respectful comment followed by "but not as beautiful /hot as you" (sounds yucky but he is just trying to NOT hurt my feelings or self esteem) I do the same, it's respectful of your partner?

MsMommie Sat 19-Aug-17 22:22:41

I don't think you're wrong to feel hurt, but honestly OP, they all do it. I wouldn't take it personally at all

BlackberryLassi Sat 19-Aug-17 22:22:44

I wouldn't like it but I don't really notice dh ever doing it. He's a bit more insecure I think and would hate it if I looked so I make an effort never to look too long at an attractive bloke.

TheNaze73 Sun 20-Aug-17 00:41:05

I'd think it odd if a partner didn't notice someone attractive of the opposite sex.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: