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Hand hold please. It's over.

(16 Posts)
Pombliboo123 Fri 18-Aug-17 21:49:40

So that's it. Me and DO have officially split up. After 4 years. The best part of my twenties. He doesn't think he is "ready to settle down". Could have told me that 4 years ago.

Saw it coming I guess but I am completely heartbroken. Can't stop crying.

Stupidly just about maxed out a credit card on a last minute holiday on Sunday. Dumb because I'll virtually be homeless and possibly jobless by the time I come back.

First ever heartbreak.

Pombliboo123 Fri 18-Aug-17 21:50:27

I'm just rambling I suppose. My head hurts. I don't want to be without him but I know it's probably for the best.

user1488575338 Fri 18-Aug-17 21:54:06

First heartbreak is brutal. It doesn't feel like it now but you will get through it. Why will you be jobless?

user95 Fri 18-Aug-17 21:56:03

Didn't want to read and run, good luck OP and you will get through this flowers

Pombliboo123 Fri 18-Aug-17 21:57:45

Well there isn't anything keeping me in this city anymore.... It's too expensive to rent alone so I would probably go back to my home town where my family are (450 miles away) but would mean quitting my job and starting again.

I live in his (mortgaged) flat. He's said I can stay for as long as I need.

No savings or anything.

So lost and don't know what to do.

AtSea1979 Fri 18-Aug-17 22:02:17

Well first thing you need to do is stop getting in debt. Why book a holiday when you can just go back to home town 450 miles away? Doesn't make sense. I can relate to feeling like you just need to get out of there. But pack up your car and go. Focus your energy on sorting yourself out with a home and a job. Forget him. 4 years isn't long in grand scheme of things, I know it's tough now but you'll look back and he'll just be some guy you once knew.

tallwivglasses Fri 18-Aug-17 22:05:51

You know it's probably for the best. Hang on to that. You thought your future was mapped out for you but now suddenly it's changed - so much uncertainty out there. I tried to embrace it, it gave me a chance to reassess what I really wanted out of life. It's good that you feel you could go back home. You might find an amazing job!

SandyY2K Fri 18-Aug-17 22:07:27

He probably didn't know 4 years ago, but I can understand your pain.

Did you discuss where the relationship was headed and he told you he wasn't ready to settle?

Pombliboo123 Fri 18-Aug-17 22:27:55

The holiday is with my family. They already booked ages ago and I've just booked last minute.

Meant to be going on holiday with not DP in 13 days, I think he's going with his brother and said will give me the money for it so it will cover this last minute one.

He's been checked out for while, And I knew it. He just came today and said that he wasn't ready, wanted different things, he's no good for me etc.

It's ridiculous but I just want to see him. Hopefully I'll feel better in the morning and thinking more clearly. It all seems dark and lonely now.

AtSea1979 Fri 18-Aug-17 23:55:43

Ah that makes more sense. Try to embrace it. How I daydream of just loading the car and heading off in to the sunset. Dream big, the world is out there.

WWYD17 Sat 19-Aug-17 03:26:20

I'm so sorry OP. flowers

Jellybean2017 Sat 19-Aug-17 03:45:18

flowers you will get through this and find someone who does want the same things as you do. It will be hard to see it that way at the the moment, but you will get there. Maybe you can use the holiday as an opportunity to separate your current life from your new one Hold on to the fact that you need to invest your time and efforts in a relationship where both partners are on the same page and working towards the same goals.

C0untDucku1a Sat 19-Aug-17 03:49:36

It will get easier. Can you find outnwhen the brother will give you the money? You really need that asap.

PrincessPlod Sat 19-Aug-17 04:42:14

Enjoy the holiday, start looking for a new job nearer hometown and look at this as a lucky escape. Best off finding out now after 4 years than 8 or 10 years when you've wasted your best years on someone who doesn't want to settle down and have kids.

Pombliboo123 Sat 19-Aug-17 08:39:28

Thank you sad

Had a few hours of broken sleep. I just feel empty and sick now. He's coming over at some point today to drop off a suitcase and discuss care for the dogs whilst I'm away. He can get the money to me anytime I think.

My boss has been lovely and offered me support and a long chat when I get back about my options.

I don't know what to do for the best. I really really don't.

I feel the right thing to do is go back home after I get back. There's nothing here in this city for me; I've never fit in, my friends are all married with children. Rent would be a real struggle on my salary but I suspect I may get offered a rise as an incentive to stay.

The prospect of leaving and staring new in a "new city" (I left when I was 14) seems the best way... No chance of bumping into him or stringing each other along for months on end.

BUT my career was just beginning to take off. After flitting around in different jobs for years I finally found what I thought would be my career, talk of putting me through a degree next year etc. I don't want to give that up. Plus if I leave, and stay with my brother for a little while... I don't k i.e. how long it will be until I get a job there. I might be lucky and it might happen straight away but it might not. How am I supposed to pay for things that Need to be paid... such as phone bill, pet insurance, an outstanding loan etc with no income?!

Plus I have two dogs. They are my world and being without them is absolutely not an option. Trying to find a rental that will accept them will be virtually impossible though, here or down at home.

I know that in the future it will work itself out one way or another and I will look back and think how silly it was but right now, in this moment... in the bed we shared for 4 years, His tea cup still sitting on the beside table... it just seems so overwhelming and helpless

user1488575338 Sat 19-Aug-17 08:58:23

I think this holiday will do you the world of good. Get away from all the familiar surroundings. Take one small step at a time. Could the dogs not stay where they are until you get sorted? Is it a lot cheaper for rents in your home town? You have got a big decision to make whether you stay where you are or move.

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